Paint it Black

Stranger1983 · **Posted:** 21 Mar 2012, 18:45

wow, Catt.

Your post moved me. I'm not a litterary person by any means, but the eloquence and flow of the language of your post delivered and conveyed the right ideas at the exact time they needed to be conveyed.

I hope you're feeling better. I understand the ebb and flow of the torment and continual oppression of sadness and depression. Its misery in its truest form. I understand why people would want to do that (commit suicide). I've been depressed all my life, and I've also broken bones... Depression is way more painful.

I already promised myself that if my life doesnt turn around in the next 7 years (when I turn 35). I would seriously consider my exit strategy.

Suicide should absolutley be a last resort, but it should always be an available option. Its not selfish to end one's own misery, it is selfish for others to demand you "tough it out" for their own peace-of-mind.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide is best for yourself.

oncebitten55 · **Posted:** 21 Mar 2012, 18:53

Catt02 wrote:

53 yr. old guy, was good looking, worked out, was a musician, had personality ect. - but never dated, had romance or intimacy. Had been approached numerous times throughout my lifetime but could not reciprocate. Not because the girls/women were unattractive or uninterested or that I was not interested - that in fact I was desperate every day of my life just to embrace or be able to even look at a someone pretty without getting so flustered and feeling so intimidated I would as the song goes; "see those girls dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes". I've quit several jobs out of humiliation. I've gone to therapists, ended up in a mental hospital and finally attempted suicide few months ago. I was found almost dead on the floor of a dingy hotel room when the sheriff busted in with paramedics. I had taken barbiturates, drank a half bottle of gin, and a inhaled a propane canister of CO. Next suicide attempt will be successful. I'm not afraid of dying but afraid of living. Of course it is too late for me by now but I would just say to young guys that still have a realistic chance and a life ahead of them: Do not do what I did. I did this to myself - no one else. I failed to face my fears. Every day now I live with regret, profound sadness and loneliness. There are no memories, no special moments - nor did I add to any women's life.

I am 56 years of age. I could have been you very easily.

Luck and persistence was all I had that saved me.

You are welcome here Catt02 and please keep posting here.

You are not alone anymore.

Catt02 · **Posted:** 25 Jun 2012, 21:18

I do so appreciate your sentiments . . .

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