Has anyone here ever been successful with their oneitis?

(even being brave enough to approach a oneitis and talk is a big win in my book)

If you actually became friends/lovers/partners with your oneitis--was it fulfilling or not? I fear that I have fantasized so much--that there is no way she can live up to my fantasies--and I would only be disappointed. On the other hand--having this much adoration and passion for someone could make it a great experience.

People's thoughts? Experiences?

I can say I had -some- success with my oneitis...

To this date I say she was my first, and only, gf, although we met online; note that this was a completely online relationship, we communicated through IMs, phone, letters, sending each other gifts, and whatnot. But then she somehow grew bored of me and wanted to be "just friends;" I hung around her hoping she would want to be with me again.

During the time we're friends I flew coast-to-coast and met her in person for the first time. But that turned out to be a disaster in the end, and she somehow cut off all contact with me. WTF... after all these years, she does this to me? There goes my chances of having another relationship with her, and all that physical intimacy that comes with it (which would've been my first)...

It's been at least four years or so since I last talked to her. I still think about her to this day, she was one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. I miss her dearly

At least I get to hear a girl tell me, "I love you." But without the physical intimacy it wasn't really fulfilling.

This is great --because you have experience talking to a girl, developing a friendship, making an emotional connection! That can be really hard for a love-shy like me to do. Next time it will be even better for you. I wish I had achieved this.

If it hadn't of been across the country--physical intimacy would have been easier. You had a HUGE handicap there. You did well.

Thanks.

Yeah, at least it's something I guess. But I think I was able to do that simply because we met through the internet (in a gaming forum). Had it been in person then I'd be a nervous wreck in front of her, and none of that would've happened (though, I was still pretty softspoken even during the relationship/friendship).

Despite having some success in the past, I'm still pretty damn shy and I don't know what to do when it comes to physical intimacy.

None whatsoever. My oneitises differ from most here since it is an instantaneous attraction from the moment I see her, and at that point I cannot even speak to them, ever. Game over, before it even began. Other women don't bother me at all.

Nope. I had long-lasting oneitis which thankfully ended, yet we still remained pretty close friends. Despite of her having a boyfriend I managed to express my feelings to her few times. We also met personally 5-6 times. I couldn't let this limerence go, but when I finally did this I felt relieved. New women appeared in my life (none of them is my girlfriend, though), but this actually helped a lot to forget and become indifferent.

I hate to say this--but I feel like I am a much worse case than most of the other people here. It may be because my upbringing was so toxic. I should probably try therapy--I don't know if anyone specializes in this or how to find them...

I had one oneitis about a decade ago and i tried several times to make it work, but in the end i had to give up but probably because i tried several times i eventually was able to let it go, now i only think about her with bitterness, contempt and anger.

I absolutely recommend that you try therapy. And don't just settle for any old one. Get a good one. My last one was good.

You can try searching online or asking good friends for recommendations. If you don't get a good feel after three sessions dump them and find another one.

I've done it for years and years until it got a little too much for me. I'm still open to it. They have "physical intimacy coaches" around here. I'm intrigued. If not that then someone who specializes in sexuality.

Take good care of yourself.

thanks. I'm really glad I came to this forum--because there is good support here. I just sent an email to a friend who is a pastor (I'm not very religious--and I have no affiliation with his denomination--but we have known each other since kindergarten and he knows all the social service type stuff in town because he comes across a lot of problems in his work and refers people).

He gave me some names (I told him I have severe social anxiety in some situations--especially with women. He had already observed this, plus is an old friend and extremely kind--so he didn't make me feel bad at all). Now I need to take my list of names and research who will accept new patients and my insurance--and then try them and see if I have a good fit with someone. I think this is a real step in the right direction.

I'm getting quite good recently at developing a crush on a girl, then becoming her friend, or vice versa. At least online. Although, it doesn't really seem to be as linked to the physical as others imply. More like the initial attraction is a kind of warm feeling, that this might be someone you can show love to, and be loved back. I probably have issues. I end up wanting to cuddle more than wanting to have sex, on a purely lustful level. And then sex becomes more a display of trust and intimacy than lust. I think I'm just turning into an INFP. Gah.

At least usually those crushes, whilst powerful, aren't quite as devastating as oneitis.

Once you find a good one, don't hold back. Talk about anything and everything.

That's a win in your book? Well okay then...I did approach my one-itis back in my senior year of hs, asked her to the prom, she said yes (the ONLY time a girl ever said yes to a date with me), we went. Afterwards, she would never speak to me again because she was an evil bitch.

I wish she had just said no.

No, I have not. The problem with onenitis is that you over idealize one particular girl when in fact there are other girls who might be as good or even better. I've had this issue when I was younger. This one girl in high school..I was infatuated with and when I finally had the guts to talk to her..I found out she wasn't that interesting. You can still like the girl but never put your life on hold for one girl seriously.

Holy crap--you took your oneitis to the senior prom? Wow. Sorry she turned out to be a bitch--but you are BRAVE.