Hi guys...first off I'd like to say, I empathize with your condition. Have been reading a bit about this as a guy I care about at work seems to fit all the criteria, and I have been puzzled and unable to figure out the signals, so it led me to this disorder. I am a female, and while I'd characterize myself as "shy" who out grew it, and is now just kinda shy with guys she likes, I find it sad and troubling that the disorder is so deeply entrenched in the psyche of LSers. I was molested as a young child, and while I went through crippling shyness and fear of men in my 20's I realized I would be alone the rest of my life and just bit the bullet to overcome it. I went on to lose my virginity, date and marry (now divorced but THAT's another story), so anyway, I guess I don't get the self-imposed misery as I dealt with the what happened to me and was able to live normally, as many rape victims can and do, BUT the fact I understand and am willing to seek out help shows how much I care and feel sad for this guy. I'm about to give up, so I thought I'd ask first for some closure and to get a sense that I am right about this and not that he's "just not that into me". K the facts. Met several months ago, he approached me about a work issue, I noticed him and thought there was a flirtatious, if appreciative glint in his eye, I felt the chemistry was amazing between us. When I pass this guy he never raises his eye to look at me, if we are in the kitchen, he would ignore me. Walks by my desk will sometimes look, and stare, then if I look he looks away. Ran into him here and there, I felt kinda shy and he would say a random hello but nothing major, if were alone in an elevator or in the halls, he would ignore me, even though he might say hi the previous week. Then he did something in a few months ago that threw us together work related and I was ecstatic to break the ice, we seemed to hit off chatting. I see him two days later near the elevator, he became visibly upset, his body language was weird, he turned his back on me, and then ran away! Rather than ride with me. Never saw anything like this, I thought it was rude and got offended, as he also did this in the lobby, turned his back on me, won't talk, yet will approach me on occasion to talk, back and forth it's been, I swore off him and decided I had a one-sided crush and was embarrassed and was bugging him, then he came to me about a phony report he didn't need, LOL so I was sucked back in thinking there was something there. I start reading about shy guys man up and start saying Hi, even though I like to be pursued and am not comfortable about it, because I am leaving the job in a few weeks and was hoping to stay in touch. Last week I meet again at the elevator, he was going to run, could tell by the demeanor he wanted to get away but I made a joke and he toughed it out. He gets in, and ignores me! I start talking and he is sooo nervous, but he relaxes a bit by the end of the ride, I chat him up last week, he a wreck when he saw me coming! His legs were shaking, and his voice shook but he was able to relax and ask where i live what I am doing on the weekend, smiled and said how nice it was to talk to me, so I am encouraged! I want more. Chat him up again, and he is now ignoring me so I am way confused here. Thought always noticed an attraction, but am doubting my own sanity at this point. I should mention that I am considered quite beautiful with very refined, delicate features. He is very reserved and talks to no one at work, he is also an Asian guy so I am just not sure here what the deal is. I feel so sorry and sad for him, because he is missing out on a fabulous woman who would take the time to make him comfortable etc. I'd say he is early to mid 30's with very little dating experience, but I like him! I don't even care! What do you think, am I crazy, is this guy into me, any suggestions?

Since this is your first post, try to understand that most of us here need time to see if you are trolling us or not. We currently have sweet little troll (not!) running "her" games here and its not very funny. Your handle alone will make may of us suspicious of your intentions in posting here, in fact.

Back to topic, this man could be LS, but just because he doesn't talk to you doesn't mean he is "into you", either. Perhaps, since he is Asian, and assuming you are not, he isn't into you, or he could be into you as well. Its hard to tell given the limited information on hand presently. I find the majority of Asians in my country seem to be somewhat reserved, at the very least.

I'm sorry to offend, I am not a troll and desperately need help as I am leaving and giving up on this person, the handle I can change and I don't mean to offend, it is deeply personal to me as my beauty has been a hard thing in my life it was meant in self depracation..

SIGH, ok...whatever will be will be I suppose.

Good, good, good. You came to the right place. I myself am half Asian (though few who have known me without knowing my last name can tell this) and there are a few things you should know if indeed this man acts oriental (there are obviously "English Asians" who grew up in Western Culture). First, before I say anything else, this man does seem love-shy. Now, oriental men are taught from youth to be in control. As foremost member of a soon-to-be household, the father must represent the austere and strong-willed example to not only children but wife as well. His running from you may explain this. He may feel a loss of "power" over you. That is, he is unsure of how to deal with his emotions and remain composed at the same time. His own example should recommend itself. When you chat with him (this is his love-shy side, not his oriental side), he should relax if he enjoys the conversation. Sure, he will ignore you, or, at least he will appear to ignore you. Orientals are VERY silent people who use their brain to express emotions rather than body. For instance, my father (a full-blooded Professor of Chinese) is on a mission to prove that he loves my mother by not cheating on her; that is, remaining faithful to her. However, this love is not used in taking her out, buying her surprises, etc. Be warned, not to judge him too quickly, though: oriental men, if not in western thought, will be more practical and dogmatically minded. This is, needless to say, a generalization. Mainland China dicates no less with such events as the Cultural Revolution being one of many examples to enforce this. He will be faithful, he will be steady, he will be unique, but he will be different. Different in that he may not think quite that creatively until you (or someone else before him) opens him up to this realm. This is a terribly large generalization to repeat myself and I hope you aren't going to let my judgement on a man I have never met sway something like chemistry between you two. But, personally, I give a girl I like 200 looks; she'll see one. I'll often look in a mirror or window pane to see her reflection to see if she is looking at me while I pass by. Not usually the case, but might be a clue when dealing with this guy. He is probably quite obliging, very intelligent, and studious, but insecure around someone like you. There is the chance he may not return the affection, but, by what you are saying (typing...whatever) he appears so. Remember, if the guy asks a girl out, he is accepted 10% of the time. If the girl asks the guy out, the results triple in favor of bonding. Don't move too fast though. A date may terrify him by the way he is reacting (I personally would be quite petrified by you, if you are who you claim to be), so take things slowly. An oriental is above all patient and takes time to think things out. My dad takes three days to send an e-mail to his collegues. Move in tune with him and I hope you get the best!

If hes Asian, he might feel you're out of his league.

You are not offending me. I am just giving you a quick run down on how to handle this forum, if you are a non-shy woman. Many of us were beaten down early on in life and have trust issues with women, thusly we can be a bit suspicious at times.

Too, most of the men here have never had a serious, or even a female friend, relationship with a member of the opposite sex, nor have many ever had sex or even a romantic kiss from a girl or woman. That is what love-shyness does to a man, and in some cases the shy women here too, although most of them have had sex, or a relationship, unlike the LS/Incel men here.

I am guessing you are not shy, so I suppose a name like "shygirl" (of which there is one women here by that handle already) would not be a good fit for you either.

yeah you sound a little arrogant, not sure if you're joking or not lol.
also "i like to be pursued" comes off as a little selfish and entitled. I'd love people to hand me money all the time for nothing, but I hardly expect it.

he sounds like a classic, but somewhat severe, case of LS. definitely he sounds into you. it'd be different if his apparent disinterest was completely consistent and continuous, but the mixed signals he sends sounds just like someone who is afraid to send any signals at all most of the time, and is intimidated by talking with people he doesnt know very well.

If she expects to be persued by this chap, she probably doesnt really understand LS every well, which is understandable.

Most likely she just thinks its a case of mild shyness, that is quickly overcome. That what most non-LS believe, if they even bother to like one of us, as she has stated she does with this man.

I agree that this man is probably LS, but his cultural upbringing my play a role, as well.

If he's LS, you will have to make most of the initation. If you expect to be "pursued" you've got the wrong guy. He's not going to do that ever - well, publicly that is...and then it can turn into something we call that fucking self destructive curse "oneitis."

Honestly, women could do us all a favor and "pursue" us for once. It "might" get some of us to get over completely the LS; the rest of us will be eternally grateful if not totally happy/scared. I love those happy scared moments. The ones where you're holding her hand and your like....what the fuck do I do now I have her hand!!!!

end digression.

these things come on a schedule I swear.

I was with you until the end. The "I'm beautiful" part, + your screen name, + guest viewable makes me wary. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Considering you mentioned you're leaving soon, it sounds like you have nothing to lose, so just ask him out one day. Simple as that. Coffee, drinks, whatever. Just try not to be too intimidating.

There could be any number of reasons for his behavior, but that's not important. Sounds like an interested guy who's shy to me.

It sounds in some ways like he is an extreme version of me with his anxiety. I'm not Asian by the way.

In addition to therapy and some anxiety medication, this guy might also need prescribed tranquilizers. (I was on them for a little while in high school, but one major side affect is that they make it harder to concentrate on school work.)

I guess the only thing that I can recommend is for as long as your patience lets you try to be soothing and not intimidating. I know it's very hard as this guy really does not initiate much, but does seem like he is interested in you. Good luck.

He may or may not be love shy, but either way, if he said "I'm just not that into you" that sums it up.

FYI I'm 20 and have never even kissed a girl. I'm probably as love shy as they get. But if I tell a girl "I'm just not that into you" I mean it. The thing about love shy guys is that a lot of them are picky about women.

While as a lot of guys mainly care about their physical attraction to a woman, love shy guys will be idealistic about love, just like a woman would be. It has to be at the right place, right time, right person, etc.

Yes, I do see this as self defeating, and I'm really trying to work on it. All love shy guys should. But I'm saying this for an explanation, not a justification. And come on people, she's not trolling us. She just doesn't understand about love shy guys that well apparently, but that's what this place is for. She asked an honest question, so we can give her an honest answer. Is that too much to ask?

who here do you feel didn't give an honest answer?

She has been accused of "tolling" when really, she's here for one of the main purposes of the site. The two main purposes of the site (as far as I can see) are

1) a support group for love shy guys
2) a way for women to understand love shy guys, if there's a love shy guy they're interested in

It couldn't be more obvious that she falls into the second category. She's not a troll. Instead of calling her one, give advice. All the people that DID give advice were honest, but calling her a troll is just plain silly.

edit: I mean... she started out by saying she empathizes with our condition. What more do you want?

where was she accused of trolling?
I see no troll accusations, only the raising of suspicion as an off-side mention in supplementary advice.