A good way to find out is to send him an email saying, "I'm interested in you. Would you like to go out on a date with me?" In general, I don't think men are as put off by a message like that as women are.

If only it were that simple! I get nervous just trying to write a message to him. (I traded a few messages about a month ago, after much deliberation over every message!) Also I do work with him, but as he's shy, and I'm way too chicken to speak to him, we never speak. Only trade in a few glances during the day. I'm too scared to say it so bluntly, even in a private message. Just the thought of saying something, however casual makes me feel so nervous. Heart pumps, I get a hot flush, and I can't click his name

It is _because_ it makes you so nervous that I think it's a good idea to do it. I've become a pretty firm believer in getting over the anxieties that hold us back by feeling and facing them. Ideally in small steps, but always in the direction we fear the most.

Believe me, I know what it feels like. I'm the pictured guy by the definition of "romantic anxiety" in the dictionary. One time, I asked out The World's Hottest Barista. Face to face. I don't think I've ever been more anxious. I keep telling people that being mugged with a loaded gun to my face wouldn't have scared me as much. But I did it.

I would hesitate if I worked too closely with the person. You're not supposed to dip your pen in the company ink. But if he's on another team and not in the chain of command that you're in, go for it!

You can also try not being so forward and simply ask him to get coffee with you. Write an email that says, "Do you want to get some coffee with me?"

I still say the best way to find out about things is to simply ask.

Yes I went with option one. If I found her attractive of course I'd be delighted.

Something that is strange about me is that, never having been loved (not just by women, but by other people as well), I have felt nearly content to live my life expecting nothing. A kind of ethereal numbness. Affection does not confuse me. Affection for me confuses me. Love for others is difficult to grasp, but real. Love for me is highly eldritch...what does it mean? The "contentedness" I have felt by being unloved has made me grow an exoskeleton shutting out potential positive emotions directed at me (which there seem to be none). Because of this and the past, I can be assured of the fact that no woman will like James_Young. But is this not what I always had felt? Yes. I was just not always aware of it.