Ugly-on-the-inside Sydrome

Stranger1983 · **Posted:** 22 Mar 2012, 16:10

Андре́й Рублёв wrote:

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Fonduman wrote:

I think he's just being ironic/sarcastic about the self-fixing stuff. cos we all know it's the well balanced people who are in relationships, right? :lol:

Bahahaha yeah I've met some of the most unbalanced(even to the point of suicide attempts/psychiatric hospoitalizations) people who were STILL able to get partner after partner after partner despite considerable psychiatric illness.
Also, I used to have this best friend with NO self esteem, borderline personality, bulimia, kleptomania, post traumatic stress, the works. And she just drew men towards her like flies. Also knew someone with schizophrenia that would bounce from relationship to relationship with little/no space in between. Knew multiple individuals with depression or manic depression that could get laid when I can't, ect..
So naturally, I'm a little skeptical whenever someone implies that incel is caused by low self esteem or mental illness.
And I've never bought that whole "fix yourself before you can start a relationship", "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" crap.
Sounds a bit hooey and New-Agey to me and only serves to shame people with already low self esteem.

Brill post. Great that you have not fallen to the atheist cult hypocrisy.

I'm curious why you link new-age bullshit with atheism... We (Atheists) predominantly are skeptics, and theres a lot to be skeptical about with new-age pseudo science.

Onkel Willie · **Posted:** 23 Mar 2012, 16:46

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Hi,

My case is a bit different from any other I've read on here or anywhere else on the Internet.
Let me explain,

I find my case so utterly different from everyone else in that: every one else saying that women don't respond to their efforts has the excuse
"Women online aren't responding because of the ridiculous amounts of messages they get in comparison to men"
I, however, am a woman messaging women in the women for women section, where that gender dynamic does not apply.

It's not as of I'm unattractive. Actually, I am usually considered quite attractive--by guys. Maybe that is the problem. I'm 21 and incel. I've also never had a relationship. One reason may be that I'm into women, but I am in a big city--there are lots of lesbians here in downtown Toronto. Just none of them are interested in me, that's the problem. Ive been "out"(of the proverbial closet) and actively looking for a girlfriend for three years now. I've tried Internet dating, queer community groups, gay/lesbian bars, the works. To be honest, the bulk of my efforts have been internet dating as bars are not my scene and I'm kind of socially awkward.

Hardly any of the girls on the internet(PlentyofFish, OkCupid w4w) ever respond to the messages I send them(yes, I have been initiating--and getting ignored)...and on the rare occasion that the girl does email me back, she stops talking after the first couple of emails. Even girls that message ME first will stop answering. I've only been able to meet a handful of girls over the Internet in the last 3 years and gotten nowhere with any of them. I've now practically gone through all of pof's dating pool.

I've never come across cases of lesbian incel on the Internet, and I've looked far and wide..which makes me wonder, is mine the only case that exists?

I have an extremely hard time understanding why girls on dating sites don't respond to me. Especially since (hetero) guys seem to like me so much. I don't understand why lesbians don't. I go out in public and random guys will come up and hit on me...Straight guys come up to ME, yet lesbians reject me when I approach them..

While it is true that I have a hard time making/keeping friends(I'm wondering maybe the same thing(s) that stop me from being able to make friends are the same things that stop me from being able to attain sex or a relationship), men don't seem to mind much.
My only theory is that men judge more on the visual, whereas women put more weight on personality. Maybe this means I have a rotten personality, or that I'm "ugly on the inside"?
Anyone have a cure for "Ugly on the Inside Syndrome"?

I don't know what to say. You do address that you're attractive to straight men so perhaps the problem is that you don't come off as lesbian enough, you perhaps have a 'straight aura' so to speak. I'm not familiar with the whole LGBT community so I don't know if there are any specific subcultures, styles of dress etcetera you could look into.

As for being ugly on the inside, you don't seem all that bad to me. Perhaps your social skills are an issue though. I don't know enough about you to tell, but if you're social skills aren't that good, it could be an explanation why your efforts fail. I'll be honest though, women are hardly any less looks oriented than men are; they value both looks and personality in my experience while men put a lot more weight on the former.

ardia · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 23:29

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Fonduman wrote:

I think he's just being ironic/sarcastic about the self-fixing stuff. cos we all know it's the well balanced people who are in relationships, right? :lol:

Bahahaha yeah I've met some of the most unbalanced(even to the point of suicide attempts/psychiatric hospoitalizations) people who were STILL able to get partner after partner after partner despite considerable psychiatric illness.
Also, I used to have this best friend with NO self esteem, borderline personality, bulimia, kleptomania, post traumatic stress, the works. And she just drew men towards her like flies. Also knew someone with schizophrenia that would bounce from relationship to relationship with little/no space in between. Knew multiple individuals with depression or manic depression that could get laid when I can't, ect..
So naturally, I'm a little skeptical whenever someone implies that incel is caused by low self esteem or mental illness.
And I've never bought that whole "fix yourself before you can start a relationship", "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" crap.
Sounds a bit hooey and New-Agey to me and only serves to shame people with already low self esteem.

When you say unbalanced people...do you mean unbalanced women? Or both sexes?

Fonduman · **Posted:** 12 Apr 2012, 00:10

ardia wrote:

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Fonduman wrote:

I think he's just being ironic/sarcastic about the self-fixing stuff. cos we all know it's the well balanced people who are in relationships, right? :lol:

Bahahaha yeah I've met some of the most unbalanced(even to the point of suicide attempts/psychiatric hospoitalizations) people who were STILL able to get partner after partner after partner despite considerable psychiatric illness.
Also, I used to have this best friend with NO self esteem, borderline personality, bulimia, kleptomania, post traumatic stress, the works. And she just drew men towards her like flies. Also knew someone with schizophrenia that would bounce from relationship to relationship with little/no space in between. Knew multiple individuals with depression or manic depression that could get laid when I can't, ect..
So naturally, I'm a little skeptical whenever someone implies that incel is caused by low self esteem or mental illness.
And I've never bought that whole "fix yourself before you can start a relationship", "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" crap.
Sounds a bit hooey and New-Agey to me and only serves to shame people with already low self esteem.

When you say unbalanced people...do you mean unbalanced women? Or both sexes?

unbalanced men can get lots of DSR too... provided it's the right type of unbalance. sociopathic tendencies help, for example, but social anxiety severely impedes.

Deejay · **Posted:** 12 Apr 2012, 00:34

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

My only theory is that men judge more on the visual, whereas women put more weight on personality. Maybe this means I have a rotten personality, or that I'm "ugly on the inside"?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

For one thing OKCupid is a cesspool filled with bullshit and lies. Every girl there is a bi-sexual into the latest nerdy trends and filled with entitlement. Worst place to look for a relationship.

PrinceAliBaba · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 20:17

Deejay wrote:

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

My only theory is that men judge more on the visual, whereas women put more weight on personality. Maybe this means I have a rotten personality, or that I'm "ugly on the inside"?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

For one thing OKCupid is a cesspool filled with bullshit and lies. Every girl there is a bi-sexual into the latest nerdy trends and filled with entitlement. Worst place to look for a relationship.

Oh my god. You're right. They're all into the latest nerdy trends. Okcupid is filled with hipsters. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a rocker on a hipster site.
Or maybe a rocker in a hipster world. I notice that hipster-ism is very mainstream in the lesbian world. I'm surrounded by a bunch of indie-listening, coffee shop hanging, vegetarian/vegan lesbians and I am sooooo not into any of that shit. I'm not a "mainstream" dyke. I don't fall prey to any of the latest lesbian trends.

Stranger1983 · **Posted:** 14 Apr 2012, 00:47

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Deejay wrote:

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

My only theory is that men judge more on the visual, whereas women put more weight on personality. Maybe this means I have a rotten personality, or that I'm "ugly on the inside"?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

For one thing OKCupid is a cesspool filled with bullshit and lies. Every girl there is a bi-sexual into the latest nerdy trends and filled with entitlement. Worst place to look for a relationship.

Oh my god. You're right. They're all into the latest nerdy trends. Okcupid is filled with hipsters. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a rocker on a hipster site.
Or maybe a rocker in a hipster world. I notice that hipster-ism is very mainstream in the lesbian world. I'm surrounded by a bunch of indie-listening, coffee shop hanging, vegetarian/vegan lesbians and I am sooooo not into any of that shit. I'm not a "mainstream" dyke. I don't fall prey to any of the latest lesbian trends.

Hipsters IMO, represent the final death knell of modern western civilization, They are just horrible people in general. I commend you for defining yourself.

Rudeboy41 · **Posted:** 14 Apr 2012, 20:23

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Oh my god. You're right. They're all into the latest nerdy trends. Okcupid is filled with hipsters. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a rocker on a hipster site.
Or maybe a rocker in a hipster world. I notice that hipster-ism is very mainstream in the lesbian world. I'm surrounded by a bunch of indie-listening, coffee shop hanging, vegetarian/vegan lesbians and I am sooooo not into any of that shit. I'm not a "mainstream" dyke. I don't fall prey to any of the latest lesbian trends.

I think I can identify a few things. Maybe if you lay out that you are not into any of the above at the outset. Then lay out what you are into at the outset. Keep it strong and up front like you're doing here.

It's possible that you are looking to your men friends as role models and trying to use their pulling techniques that they use with hetero women. If you copy the manners of a hetero man to pull a lesbian woman, she is, I would have thought, be unlikely to be impressed and just "think" you're a guy hiding in a woman's body.

My suggestion would be to meet up with lesbian women, probably by joining activity groups, class, whatever, so that you can become friends with a few on a light social basis first, get acquainted with many. Learn their likes and dislikes.

Mozart1756 · **Posted:** 15 Apr 2012, 00:21

PrinceAliBaba wrote:

Deejay wrote:

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

For one thing OKCupid is a cesspool filled with bullshit and lies. Every girl there is a bi-sexual into the latest nerdy trends and filled with entitlement. Worst place to look for a relationship.

Oh my god. You're right. They're all into the latest nerdy trends. Okcupid is filled with hipsters. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a rocker on a hipster site.
Or maybe a rocker in a hipster world. I notice that hipster-ism is very mainstream in the lesbian world. I'm surrounded by a bunch of indie-listening, coffee shop hanging, vegetarian/vegan lesbians and I am sooooo not into any of that shit. I'm not a "mainstream" dyke. I don't fall prey to any of the latest lesbian trends.

So much win. My favorite is the "genius misunderstood artist". "You don't understand man...I'm gonna be famous for poetry."

Okcupid has the annoying hipsters whereas POF has the country, low educated, and single mom sluts.

Rudeboy41 · **Posted:** 19 Apr 2012, 02:04

Well, I dunno what happened to PrinceAlibaba. I presume our advice has set her free as she's clearly not interested in leaving any feedback. I PM'd her but obviously she hasn't figured out that feature yet.

Well I've learnt a valuable lesson here on line, yet another. Don't give out advice too freely. It took me years of research and self sacrifice to come by that. I really should set up a class for gay people and charge at the door as I know they're going to run out without paying otherwise and act like they figured it all out themselves. Commies.

Ha! I used to be a Commie. Then I watched too many episodes of Democracynow.org. Which to be fare sometimes has some interesting expose's in, but as each day passes I find less and less good things to say about it. It reads beautifuly, and makes poetic sense but it assumes everyone is completely honest and straight down the line. But then you find all the advocates of socialism are hipocrites anyway. They're good at leaving one flat broke. I guess I was never trully one of them, I was always accused of being a Tory. Maybe that's not so slanderous an insult?

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