This has given me much thought too the past few days, I've barely got anything done. I'm sure you do have alot to offer. The traits you listed above are very admirable and I believe you one hundred percent that you do have them and probably because of your natural inclination at the moment to be down on yourself, they are probably more impressive than you think. But you are right. People that are geared to do things well are more apt to be extremely hesitant to attempt to do things that might be what they perceive as below their own standards. You are your own worst enemy. And you are not alone, we ALL actually know very little and have room for tons of growth. It's admirable that you can admit this. Those men out there that are so full of ego and false bravado and brag on themselves like they are gods gift to women is nauseating. You are a breath of fresh air to women like us.

The uncomfortableness with sharing sexuality is normal on both sides. To share that part of life with another human being is very scary especially for people with heart is because you actually 'GET IT" better than most. You realize that it is a very intimate thing and understand the beauty(even with no experience) and importance of being transparent and fully committed to that sharing. Giving that part of yourself to another is to allow them to see you 'naked' in more ways than just body. It takes a huge amount of trust and you have not yet met anyone that would be worthy of that trust. Understandable. This world is filled with selfish women AND men. You are willing to give of yourself completely. You require someone that is willing to do the same for you.

This is actually very normal in both genders and again, admirable that you see it for exactly what it is. The human need for acceptance is huge. Not sure why we need to be validated by another so badly. But with sexuality, you are considering to give something very sacred away to another person...the very core of you, more naked than just the body, and it is terrifying to consider that it might be rejected. If you've had experiences where initial attempts have been rejected, it is an excruciating pain and absolutely understandable why one would cringe from any resemblance to that experience going forward.

It's sort of like the 'stove is hot' thing we all learn as children. I am not a small child, but if I am near my stove and my eyes/brain can tell that the stove is OFF, the coils are normal colored, I know that I have not put the stove on in many hours, I am still hesitant and suspicious of that coil before I will dare put my hand on it. Deep in my brain, it has a memory that I can't even remember that that coil has the potential to hurt like hell.

And this is just so baffling. I am quite sure that you are very intelligent and understand that this is a part of your brain that is sending out these signals yet that little tiny almond shaped part of the brain that is so primitive is SO powerful.

Perhaps down deep this primitive organ is still doing its job trying to evolve the human species. Where it might very well appear that this particular issue would defeat the purpose by preventing you from mating, perhaps it is actually doing a better job than you'd think ensuring that you mate with the right kind of woman that will FURTHER this new breed of human. Sure, like it was said in another post that odds would appear to be against one with this issue but MAYBE there is a reason for that. The rare women and the rare men must find each other.

Just a thought.

I see you have done the same kind of research I have! So many good points you have made in your posts and I agree with all of them. And I'm sorry you have had pains in growing up too. While it has been very hurtful to you, I can see better how this has made you the kind of special loving person that you are. It shows a very amazing woman that can come out of her own intense pain and move hard to reach out to heal it in others. Like a phoenix...you rise above the ashes. Well done.

This amygdala thing I am really looking into myself as well. What an odd little organ. But I'll tell you what I always tell my sweetie. His brain is already so acute and intense. It is no wonder to me that his amygdala would be just as sensitive. He is also very sensitive to outside irritations. Light/sound can bother him, he has severe allergies, I just think this is all the more evidence that his body is actually advanced....not 'off'. He is RIGHT ON and that is why these imperfections in the world irritate him so badly. He is sensitive because his body demands uncontaminated air/food and he requires a finely tuned environment because he himself is that finely tuned. He is my perfect radar. If a certain food/sound/fabric is annoying to him, I find myself checking my own environment because maybe there's something wrong with it and I should avoid it too. He sure is right about everything else!

As I am now cured, nothing about women scares me. But, back in the day, my biggest fear was her saying 'yes'. Closely followed by showing my sexuality around anyone, most of all around a girl I liked. So I would say, a combination of both.



I used to, but now I'm just feeling left out. I still want it and it still hurts if I find out that the girl I like has a boyfriend, or she's not interested, or she doesn't agree to a meet up. But I just go on to the next one and I don't let it kill me.

The closest place you'll get to the soviet union on the net:-

http://www.love-shy.com/lsbb/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=16777

Your server sais I'm not authoriesed to read this forum if I try to follow that link.
The same goes for members forum on the board index

I don't know if you guys shut me out because I'm not "one of you" Or if it is because I have to spend a little time here, prove me worthy you know.

Thanks for replying It was very helpful.

Ah, darn it! I'll explain a little. They are another forum who put up a front of support, but if you don't adhere to their narrow minded views, you are banned, especially if you're unstable enough to consider suicide and begin talking about it, or say even one thing bad about that one girl who rejected you in the worst manner possible. You're even banned if you're a guy who posts here. Though women get free reign and they can't see why a girl would want to be on this site full of us evul men, hence my joke about them not being happy that a girl loves this board. Anyway, I've derailed your thread enough.

This thread was very refreshing to read. Thank you latorradora and The_woman for your great outlook and attitude to guys like us.

I do not think that its this forum that runs the incel support one. Seems like it just links to it. The reason you are getting that message is not because this forum is shutting you out since it is a whole other forum. More than likely it is because you need to join as a member in order to read their member message boards. You are a member here, so you can read member message boards here. If you were to log out, you would only be able to view open boards.

A work forum I am in will not let you read ANY boards unless you log in. So maybe that forum is like that too.

No if you read the URL it' sais Love-shy. It must be thread in this forum I cant access.

If I push memberforum botton - I recieve a message that that there are no topics. I only have access to guest wievable forum here.

you mean you can't access any of the member forums?
I wasn't aware of any system that had been implemented, but don't take it personally, probably there's a minimum post limit now for it. I believe I suggested the idea myself a while back, we've had troll problems before and the initial sign up process isn't exactly hard to fool unless you're a bot.

Can you give me any advice on approaching the topic?

Are you just shy on acting on romantic/sexual impulses, or even talking about it How is it about talking about how to deal with the fear, and how is it about talking about sex?

I as someone said, I should take away his fears one at a time.

The first one would be - accepting his current condition?

The second would be making him sure my feelings are solid, i won'get bored or irritated?

The third how to handle the situation - a plan for him getting used to be near me, babysteps?

The fourth - Touching. Is me touching him good therapy? Shall I go easy with that? Is it moore difficult with a caress or a hug.

The fifth, talking about sex, shall I say there is no rush with sex, we'll teach one another?

Is it good to be outspoken?

Input someone please?

well, i'll have to assume he's the same as me.
the main thing is to make it clear to him, in literal terms, that you like him. if it is clear to him that his feelings will be reciprocated and encouraged, it should be a lot easier to express them.
I can't remember the exact details between you and him. But the best thing for me personally, would be for her to just start a conversation along the lines of "hi, I have something to tell you..." confide your feelings for him, ask him if he likes you in return. it'll be awkward and a bit difficult for him, but it should be possible if you are gentle and understanding. i'd imagine once that barrier is overcome, the touch etc shouldn't be a big problem. touch out of nowhere, from someone you don't know so well, can be startling. if he knows of your feelings, he'll be expecting it, more accepting of it. at least, that'd be my own reaction, but my LS in this sense is somewhat mild in that it's easy to get past if someone goes about it the right way.

I decided to toss in my $.02 for the sake of another viewpoint.


Personally I'm shy in general. I mean, I do have Social Anxiety so that's a major factor in my specific case of LS. Especially around my peers (same general age group) and even worse if the peer happens to be female. I was an emotional punching bag as a kid, and got picked on/made fun of a lot, so now I have this unnerving complex that everyone sees nothing but my faults. So instead of proactively engaging people, my nature is to shy away, but I've been working on that a lot recently. Basically it comes down to this: If I know the girl in question has any interest in me, whether it be friendly or romantic, I'm comfortable opening up. It's that first step that is so paralyzing. If a girl opens up to me, I can equally open up in return. I'm just so used to rejection and getting negative feedback from people that I never know when to make a move. Strangely I have no intimacy or sexual problems, by the time it gets to that point, my anxiety has been assuaged.


OK now to answer these at once, based on my personal opinions. The short answer is: Yes. If you're truly interested in pursuing a LS, then you are going to have to take the more active role in the relationship. Get ready to be the prime stimulus for most things. Conversations, activities, physical interaction, anything until he becomes comfortable around you. Definitely make it clear that you're fine with his condition, and reassure him that your feelings are genuine. The best thing to do is literally just keep talking with him; establish good communication so there's no mixed signals or guessing. If he has extreme physical intimacy issues, then yes that's also something to take in stride, and baby steps would be wise. Little things like touching his hands, leg or shoulder can be a good way to slowly introduce touch into the relationship. Depending on how he reacts, you can gauge when it's time for something more substantial like an embrace/hug. Sex depends again on personal inhibitions etc, so if he has issues with minor physical interaction, taking it slow would be best. Remember to reassure him, in plain language, that it's cool with you and you're willing to walk this road together. Also, you'll probably have to be the one who initiates the first sexual encounter, and help guide him through it. Yes, I mean literally taking his hand and physically guiding him. This is a clear sign he can't misconstrue. Doubt and fear are a LS biggest foes.

Hope this insight helps a bit, and good luck in your endeavors!