He knows, for sure, but due to circumstances neither of us is performing very well. A qualified guess would be that he believes I'm dissatisfied with his performance, I'm not, I'm just stressed by the circumstances. It has been very difficult to talk about them. It's kind of a soap opera.
And this has taken it's toll on me. I've walked through rain and fire.

And there is always attention whores... If you pardon my french, but many women use men. I know.

Your post explains a little hostility I've experienced. A a series of betrayals makes a mark of course.

Have you any adwice, more than prove myself worthy.

Your story makes me so touced (I've read your thread about standing up aswell)

Can I have you all? Like a harem? (If joking is okey?)
Seriously - you seam so sweat that was what I wanted to say in a flirtatious way

http://www.love-shy.com/lswiki/DSR

Most of are terms are explained in the Wiki. Look it up there next time

That's a great explanation, and this is also why I'm focusing heavily on doing exercises to end my social anxiety.

I googled it, thought it was something in english
But now when you're telling me I realize you have once before... I'm sometimes a slow learner...

I have to admit, I can relate to this quite well too. What the Doctor wrote about reciprocation, I mean.

It's easier to like a girl from far away than ever try to ask her out. Why? Because she might say yes.

I don't want to be rejected, but I have a fear of being accepted. It leaves me at an impasse. Thus, easier to turn my head away and sigh. What can a girl possibly do in this situation? Nothing probably. In most cases, she is unlikely to even know any of this strange torment going on in my head anyway. But I do feel like the situation changes based on whether it's me chasing a girl first, or the girl chasing me first. It's almost like a lot of the pressure is on the chasee, rather than the chaser (and maybe these two roles can actually switch during the courtship - which is a scary prospect!).

I feel a sense of naturalness being a guy and being the chaser, but it doesn't make it easier per se. It's almost like if I don't feel I have to work at courting/pursuing her, it feels "less" in some way. If you had two identical girls and both liked me, and Girl A was dropped in my lap and I didn't need to do anything, while Girl B I had to pursue and flirt with in some way for a period of weeks or months before something happened, then I'd probably like Girl B more - even though they are identical as I said. The contrast being: Girl A situation would be much much better on my anxiety/nerves/shyness, while the pursuit of Girl B would be taxing and emotionally stressful, maybe. ;o Does that make any sense? Maybe a point here is that Girl A or Girl B shouldn't feel bad: after all, it seems to be my problem more than theirs. Perhaps even, Girl B enjoys the pursuit, knowing she's on the end of my flirtations, and maybe Girl A is happy that it required no effort at all. *shrug* Who truly knows. Most of the time one just makes this up as they go along.

I don't have social anxiety much, I had agoraphobia till last year and I managed to push it away. I feel embarrassed if I have to talk in front of a lot of people but nothing as bad as a real, crippling social anxiety. I sometimes feel bad in the street and I have moments of "what are people thinking of me", "how do they perceive me", "they must think I'm so ugly", but I do my best to discard these thoughts.

So I have no issues talking to people, but I'm LS in the sense that I am sometimes more scared from having my feelings reciprocated than rejected. At least with rejection, I know where I am going. I know how things will be:
- meeting someone
- friendship
- rejection
- no friendship anymore
- hurt
- self-hatred
- slow recovery
- closure, after some months.

If the person says yes, well, it's just a wall from there.
- friendship
- reciprocation
- what-the-freaking-hell happens next? *seizure*

The only time a guy took my hand, a guy I really, really liked, what did I do? I chuckled, thinking "he does that because he's so wasted", and took my hand away. A normal girl would have been delighted, but I had my heart pounding like crazy and immediately thinking "it can't be happening, not to me".

And overall, it's a deep desire to bond with someone, feeling unable to, having this glass panel around you and feeling like you can only go through the motions without actually being able to "feel" normally.

If I should guess, with girl A, you know for sure that you have won her over being you?

I think in my case, and it often is I believe, that one switches roles.

He was the pursuer but because of other circumstances I was very hesitant at first, didn't encuorage him as much in his approaches in the beginning.
Later I was more reciprocal and then he became scared. And I believe his fears made him feel angry with him self for not performing better or "something". I don't know what goes on in his mind.

If I'm obvious in my female signals, (shows clearly in sparkling eyes, smiling etc) in texting It scares him.

Now we are outspoken that something is going on between us. And he cancel in the last minute. And postpones.

It's just like you say - this is a dead end, and he is scared going in there. Probably because of previous hurt.

I myself feeling a little limited, ways of contact are like road that being blocked one by one. This is why I say I'm in a maze. There is a way out, but where?

He has brought up the "subject" to explain why he does what he does, he has told me he's scared, he hides, and that it becomes to difficult for him

My answers have been, it's okey to be scared, I will help, And I will find him when he hides, and I also said that It's difficult for me when he Cancel but that I realize that it's maybe because he need to check if I will tire. And that I will keep on looking. I have all the time had a feeling that he is kind of testing me, and if I pass a test he let me in a little further?
He seams afraid of being hurt again. (he has been betrayed multiple times)
I've told him that I won't leave.

In a way it's getting more and more difficult. He seems more and more relaxed with me, but at the same time It gets more and more difficult for him to approach me. Maybe It's because there is no longer anything casual about it?

Thank you all for answering, just for now I feel like I'm just wandering about in that maze, scared to do something wrong so one more gate closes :S

This is like my friend says, he doesn't recognize what it is. Is it dangerous?
I can see this in small children aswell, never being touched in a tender way.
Never touched ant talked to with love.

Now I remember I froze. Scared to make a move. Afraid of doing something wrong to make it stop.

Doing nothing can be a way to say - please move on. It's easy to keep on going with children, you have a never ending well from which to draw.

I understand that your laugh (google translated it to this) was a nervous one because you got embarrased. That's not a comfortable feeling so you withdraw.

But Dsea you seam very lovable to me. In fact I like you. I think we are quite alike but you have it more severe and I have this never stopping engine built in my character. It's av very strong drive to not get stuck. I believe I am more afraid of being left behind forgotten, than to stick my neck out.

MY scariest moment as a child were my family forgotten about me and left me in a truck and I couldn't get out. I was four years old. I cried my lungs out, and when they eventually found me, my daddy didn't comfort me, he just laughed it away.

I am very scared of left behind, being left out. My child abuse was violence when I was really young my mother hit me with a carpetbeater. But my sister put an end to it. After that it was just neglect

I don't know very much about your situation. But understand that there is probably no malicious play or intent with your guy. If he does anything wrong or hurtful, it's due to negligence or complacency or ignorance or obliviousness. He is probably not trying to hurt you (of course, this goes without saying, but maybe needs to be said, still ).

Yes, sometimes, when something gets a label, it can change how you view it psychologically. Maybe, there's a pressure of expectation and obligation, when something is more "official." Thus, he pulls back a bit, or is unsure of himself anymore, despite the progress to that point.

This is a hypothetical situation, but for example, maybe I've known a girl for a long time, and then one day she and I agree vocally that we're "boyfriend and girlfriend now". I may have been relaxed and comfortable up to that point, but after this declaration, I might be nervous and hesitant, because now I've got a role. *Bear in mind* this would be down to pure lack of experience in said role. You see, I've never been a boyfriend to a girl, at least with regard to a long term relationship, therefore I don't know how to play my "part". But sure, up until that point of saying it out loud, maybe we already -were- boyfriend and girlfriend and nothing has actually changed! Yes, it's silly, but that's how it can work in our minds. :\

The maze is your interpretation of action and reaction. You constructed the maze, it is not his creation. ;o

The maze doesn't actually exist. This is always the same with intended projected signals and unintended projected signals, and opposite to them; which is the intended received signals, and unintended received signals. Interpretation and misinterpretation. Situation and environment affect your perception of signals received, and thus distort and twist the signals you send back to him. Your jumping at shadows a tiny bit because it's only natural when you over analyse. I think if you continue to have patience and be non-pressuring and non-threatening, it will resolve itself.

The solution to the maze has always been the same. (i.e. there is no maze ;x)

I know this is vague, but I feel it is better to understand it conceptually, rather than literally.

This sounds so much like my life it's scary.

Webley Tempest
You are absolutely right. It's a "woman's thing" looking for multiple interpretations and I'am creative like a pinball machine.
And thereby very good at winding myself up.
Instead of realizing - it's propably the simplest explanation to everything that happens. In my defense. Many "kind people" NOT Have helped me in that regard

Thanx for "holding my hand" and calming me down. It is very sweet of you and I preciate it. It was really really helpful. And I can relate to it.
This feeling of never be "good enough", feelings of being inferior

I've read a book called: "Children of the self- absorbed" and it was mentioned there, both that, and the feeling not being worthy.

Again thanx, i totally get the second part
Our fears are like sticking points, and if they hatch in one another we can startle one another in stead of reassuring one another

You are totally right I create the maze (with help from pure mean people)
And like Latorradorra my female friends have turned their backs at me.
I've lost them all. In their mind, men are unreliable, and they think that he delivers to little. And says it will never work.
And he must do this and he must do that.

It makes me lonely as well. So again thanks from the bottom of my heart.

You're most welcome. I'm happy to talk more. I just wanted to say one thing. I don't think it's necessarily just women that do this btw. I think both men and women do it - especially when it's someone you're into. But I appreciate the compliment. I am sorry you are lonely too. :\

it's not a woman's thing explicitly to think up lots of different interpretations. in my experience, it's just more a woman's thing to decide to believe one of them is definitely true, and act accordingly