I finally managed to get a date with someone I spoke to online. We talked for a little while and everything seemed pleasant up until near the end of dinner. That's when I asked if she wanted to hang out again sometime. (I didn't try to make any physical moves towards her, nor did I even ask to. She'd expressed interest in going to the river, and I asked if she wanted to join sometime--whenever she was free.)

She didn't answer right away but eventually said, "maybe" without making eye contact. I've been around the block already, so I knew what that meant, so I didn't press on, and the rest of the meal was awkward silence.

In an effort to break some of this silence, she asked about my online experience, and I gave it to her straight. I told her that she's been the first one to agree to meet me in person within a year, and that if I'm lucky I get an actual response to my queries every few months. (If I'm really lucky, I get a second one and more from the same person.) I guess she was hoping to soften the blow by saying I could always go to the next woman I had lined up.

The problem is, there isn't any. Every time I get to meet someone, I'm aware that the next one won't be for an indefinite amount of time. I get performance anxiety. She told me she felt uncomfortable being the only one who responded to me. But isn't that a catch-22? How am I supposed to find anyone if no one wants to hang out with me. I've got to start with one person to build a so-called social network, but if that person is looking for someone who's already got a network, than I'm screwed.

Anyway, that's where she told me she couldn't understand why I couldn't find anyone since she thought I was such a nice guy (I already knew there was no hope when I heard that) and that I'd definitely make a great boyfriend for someone else.

She said she couldn't understand why anyone would reject me, without realizing she was doing exactly that. I didn't start a fight; I got out of there as soon as I could take care of the check. Hope she liked her free meal at least.

Being on the receiving end of that same line, and having the same thought pass my mind, only makes me chuckle on the inside now. It's a mere formality, not only to help "soften the blow" for the guy, but to assuage their own conscious and make them feel better about it themselves. But in that, they don't realize the sheer hilarity of the statement, for as you mentioned they're doing exactly what they claim to not understand.

Chin up, shoulders straight and all that jazz.

I think you are in your right, not to be angry when rejected, but if you get that answer that you could be a good boyfriend to someone else, it would only be fair to ask her if it's lack of chemistry? Then you know that it isn't because you have any faults, and you might be more courageous next time, instead of less.

translation: i don't want a guy no one else wants

I never had that line, i did get the 'i see you as a friend' from a female friend i was intrested in becoming more then friends, i basically told her to go fuck herself and that we weren't friends anymore, never regretted it.

have had that line and the likes of "someday a great gal is gonna be so happy that she has a boyfriend like you."

That cliche is completely meaningless. Most girls who say it don't even mean it themselves - they are just trying to save face.

Hmmm...She seems to quick to dismiss you, when she doesn't even know you yet! She's foolish. Don't worry about her. I'm sure she'll continue her dating, and complain to her friends how hard it is to find a decent man, meanwhile she tosses the good ones away without even thinking twice?

Pearls to the swine, my dear. You don't want to waste time with a fool like her.

"i only like you as a friend" a phrase all to familiar to me. But atleast she gave me the courtesy of a response rather than just straight avoiding contact like some other chick did. But she turned out to be a lesbian so I guess she felt a bit awkward.

Next time you get a date please don't pay her free meal.

Have coffee instead.

It's ok, sometimes people just don't match up, it happens, it's kind of funny, I have been rejected by females I would rate way lower then my GF, who did not reject me...so sometimes it just does not make sense, in general people don't make sense, you have to be comfortable floating in the gray. I have been told the same line. Take it as a compliment.

I agree with NNN! If you're just a "friend", she can pay for her own food. Do her girlfriends pay for her to go out? Most likely not. I hate it when girls assume a man's gotta pay for stuff just because he's male.

My reaction to this shit;

This happens to polite men a lot. If someone did this to me I would bluntly call the women a hypocrite and ask her why she is rejecting me if she cannot see a damn reason why 'anyone' would reject. This is just jerkiness (if there is such a word) covered by fake courtesy. Reading between the lines: I do not like you in a sexual way, but I say that most women do to make myself not feel bad. If she told you that she did not feel comfortable about being the only responder this is a huge red flag right there! It shows she is superficial and she does not deserve such a great person like you! Flaking out in this manner and calling you a 'nice guy' and lying so flagrantly does not deserve your kindness and the meal.