I don't know where else to begin so let me introduce myself. I am 25 years old, and while not a virgin, I never got enough sex and relationshipship experience to my level of satisfactory. I feel that I am decent looking, or at the very least, not as bad looking as other peers my age who do happen to have sex and be in relationships.

My first relationship was in High School at 16 with a female who was a flirt. Yeah, I lost my virginity to her, but the whole "relationship" dealy only lasted a month and she was onto another guy. She felt I was childish in bed, whatever that means. I was new at the scene, I feel I was just learning to work it.

For the rest of my High School career I was single, and although the popular girls befriended me at times, I feel they were very condescending towards me. Like I was a comic relief instead of being somebody considered for a relationship. I asked many women to the prom and I got all "nos". It really put a damper on my self-esteem.

In my first year of College, I was approached by a female to be her boyfriend. The problem was, I didn't find her attractive and I could barely tolerate her as a friend. Meanwhile, all the females I did like either ignored me, or at best, be friends with me where at most, I would talk to them online, but that was it.

I did have another brief relationship in College with this girl I knew in High School, who at first I was kinda sorta friends with. She started visting me at my job, and one time when she said goodbye, she jokingly kissed me on the lips. Later, we started seeing each other and a relationship developed.

I wasn't really satisfied with the relationship though, and while I might've had some feelings for her, I felt she was more or less a stop-gap measure to prevent me from being lonely. One thing I didn't like about the relationship is we never had sex, and every time I tried to propose it to her, she refused. I felt at the very least it could've prolonged the relationship. I decided to end it because I didn't feel fullfilled by it. This was in 2006. We did remain friends though.

Years and years have gone by before I had hope at being in another relationship. In 2010, I tried for this online dating site Plenty of Fish, and while I did get some dates, it was unsuccessfull at leading me into a relationship. In my one year of using it, I was on a total of five dates with three women. One girl I thought I was going to get into a relationship with because I felt we clicked too well not to be in one. Apparentally, she rejected me, and to add salt to the wounds, went back to her abusive ex. Since then, I haven't be very active on the dating scene.

I can't say for sure what the root cause of my incel is, because if I knew it, I would've solved it by now. I wasn't even aware that such a thing existed. I mean, everybody else I knew could get into a relationship easily, and it made me question why I couldn't do it. It makes me feel like an outsider to the human race.

When I discovered the term incel via wikipedia(I must've stumbled on the link), I was surprised how well it chimed with my own reality. And although the incel population is tiny and invisible to the public eye, it gives me a bit of relief that I'm not the only one out there despite feeling that way sometime.

I don't know how I got here. Growing up, I had dreams and fantasies like everybody else. The grown ups I were exposed to were all married(most of which had children). Sure, I heard of getting divorced, but never being in a relationship(it certainly feels like never in my case) was unheard of. I thought by now, I would be engaged, and would be expecting my first child before I hit 30. Sure, that can still technically happen, but the connudrum is, I'm not even in a position for that right now.

I currently live with my mom and I don't have a job. Fortunately, I am going back to college this fall, so maybe things will fall into place, but I don't want to get my hopes up, only for them to (again) be knocked down.

Well, thats my story, and if anybody has questions, feel free to ask.

To say the very least, you are quite atypical for both true love-shyness and Incel. Is ii possible that you have another kind
of anxiety disorder, like general shyness/introversion or avoidant personality disorder or something along those lines?

Most men here did not have the experiences that you have had at the age of 25 and starting at 16, and some/most have had no luck at all with female relationships and sex, so that is why I question you about your past relations with women and your identification with Incel.

My identification with incel is that I never had the amount of success with women that I feel I should've had. I don't doubt there are people here who never had any luck with the opposite sex and might even kill for the bits and scraps of experience I have, but needless to say, I feel I am waaaaay behind the curve as far as sex and relationships go.

I don't identify with the labels you stated. Sure, I'm no social butterfly, but I won't go as far as to saying I'm a social recluse, which I don't even think has an impact on incel since there are people who are less social than me in relationships.

I can socialize in big groups, I can even make friends with females I find attractive. But 95% of the time, it dosen't go beyond the friendship stage. Thats my main problem. There's so much more to desire for me.

I find the real issue, even once everything else is somewhat solved, is finding what I tend to term "genuine love".
Imagine your ideal girl. you'd love her, because you'd have a sense of connection and acceptance and affection for who she is. you'd want to share in her opinions, and stories, and experiences, and dreams. you'd feel comfortable around her, and know you shared an intimate connection unique to you and you alone.
now, imagine how most girls approach the same idea these days.
try finding one that feels like that.
it's all transactional. it's what they can get out of the relationship. it's a calculation of pleasure deduction.
looks+sexual capability+status>threshold of acceptability.
you're a product. and when a product does not function to standard, it is discarded and replaced.

Fonduman, you amuse me.

His story sounds typical to me. He got lucky one time with the town slut. Normal girls do not criticize a guy's sexual technique at age 16. Otherwise, it was "friendzone, friendzone, friendzone, ..."




It doesn't sound like he is shy or avoidant. He is incel.


Luck.

I agree. I made a mistake.

If it were not for luck things would be very different for me.

Apologies to the OP and welcome to LS.com.