Is it possible to be love-shy and narcissistic?

oncebitten55 · **Posted:** 09 Aug 2012, 18:26

The_woman wrote:

I would say that LS is caused by traumas later in life. That has make a person associate his own feelings of LOVE with danger.

I disagree with you here. Love-shyness develops in childhood, from emotional traumas of one sort or another. One does not develop it in adulthood, IMO.

As for danger, working in a dangerous profession and seeking thrills in dangerous hobbies was one of a few ways I beat down my own love-shyness, not counting out having some luck come my way, as well.

And just for the record, I am not narcissistic at all and I never was. I have lots of compassion and empathy for other people and I always have, as far back as I can remember.

jgarci12 · **Posted:** 09 Aug 2012, 21:46

oncebitten55 wrote:

nookie monster wrote:

The_woman,

This is all very interesting, but what practical implications does any of this have for a grown man who has lifelong LS? It would seem from reading this that a typical LS guy is pretty much on a road to ruin from early childhood. Am I understanding correctly?

Yes, that is true. Love-shyness develops in the younger years, before 12-13 years of age, IMO.

It is not acquired after that point in life, as the concrete has already set up, so to speak.

This is why it important to remove children from anyone who has serious issues, including parents
by brute force if necessary.

I wasn't scared of girls at any time through elementary school, and even in junior high I really wasn't. Then when high school, I just somehow never spoke to girls, and then I realized how scared I am of them after the fact.

The_woman · **Posted:** 09 Aug 2012, 22:08

oncebitten55 wrote:

I disagree with you here. Love-shyness develops in childhood, from emotional traumas of one sort or another. One does not develop it in adulthood, IMO.

yes you are right. I meant it developed after 2 years of ager. There are a critical period in about the years of 4-5 i think
and then preadolescens that Is like you say 12-13 or somenting like that

oncebitten55 wrote:

And just for the record, I am not narcissistic at all and I never was. I have lots of compassion and empathy for other people

Yes this is my impression of you

The_woman · **Posted:** 09 Aug 2012, 22:13

jgarci12 wrote:

oncebitten55 wrote:

nookie monster wrote:

The_woman,

This is all very interesting, but what practical implications does any of this have for a grown man who has lifelong LS? It would seem from reading this that a typical LS guy is pretty much on a road to ruin from early childhood. Am I understanding correctly?

Yes, that is true. Love-shyness develops in the younger years, before 12-13 years of age, IMO.

It is not acquired after that point in life, as the concrete has already set up, so to speak.

This is why it important to remove children from anyone who has serious issues, including parents
by brute force if necessary.

I wasn't scared of girls at any time through elementary school, and even in junior high I really wasn't. Then when high school, I just somehow never spoke to girls, and then I realized how scared I am of them after the fact.

Someone maybe doesn't realize how scared he is until it is put to a test.
There are a lot of things we don't are aware of about ourselves.

In fact I have learnt that I have suffered from this from this site. Not as severe as many here though. But I have allways been scared of really attractive guys, I wanted to play the drums in highschool. I stopped because the teacher was to good looking. And treated me like I was something.

oncebitten55 · **Posted:** 10 Aug 2012, 02:34

The_woman wrote:

jgarci12 wrote:

oncebitten55 wrote:

nookie monster wrote:

The_woman,

This is all very interesting, but what practical implications does any of this have for a grown man who has lifelong LS? It would seem from reading this that a typical LS guy is pretty much on a road to ruin from early childhood. Am I understanding correctly?

Yes, that is true. Love-shyness develops in the younger years, before 12-13 years of age, IMO.

It is not acquired after that point in life, as the concrete has already set up, so to speak.

This is why it important to remove children from anyone who has serious issues, including parents
by brute force if necessary.

I wasn't scared of girls at any time through elementary school, and even in junior high I really wasn't. Then when high school, I just somehow never spoke to girls, and then I realized how scared I am of them after the fact.

Someone maybe doesn't realize how scared he is until it is put to a test.
There are a lot of things we don't are aware of about ourselves.

In fact I have learnt that I have suffered from this from this site. Not as severe as many here though. But I have allways been scared of really attractive guys, I wanted to play the drums in highschool. I stopped because the teacher was to good looking. And treated me like I was something.

Sounds like he was a bit like a oneitis for you. Yeah, women suffer from love-shyness too.

oncebitten55 · **Posted:** 10 Aug 2012, 02:57

The_woman wrote:

oncebitten55 wrote:

I disagree with you here. Love-shyness develops in childhood, from emotional traumas of one sort or another. One does not develop it in adulthood, IMO.

The_woman wrote:

yes you are right. I meant it developed after 2 years of ager. There are a critical period in about the years of 4-5 i think and then preadolescens that Is like you say 12-13 or somenting like that

I can recall being fairly normal until my mother started drinking when I was about 7 or 8, then the stuff hit the fan and
my father let her get away with all kinds of insane pandemonium, that I would never have allowed her to do if it were me.

I don't blame my father. He was a good man who got sent off to war, and came back a part of his mind broken forever.
I could understand that "gap" when he rarely spoke of his service, always remembering his First Lieutenant from Kansas, another decent man who was killed right next to my father in battle on the island of Okinawa.

I spent lots of time protecting my younger brother from my mother's wrath, so he was not effected to the degree that I was, although he did suffer from a much milder case of LS when he was young. He got involved with drugs, dropped out of high school and partied with loose, druggie women back in the 70's and 80's, so he had sex and girlfriends long before I ever did.

oncebitten55 wrote:

And just for the record, I am not narcissistic at all and I never was. I have lots of compassion and empathy for other people

The_woman wrote:

Yes this is my impression of you

Thank you, The_woman. Fact is my empathy probably made me more vulnerable to loveshyness, but that's how the cards fell for me.

nookie monster · **Posted:** 10 Aug 2012, 04:32

The_woman wrote:

I meant it developed after 2 years of ager. There are a critical period in about the years of 4-5 i think and then preadolescens that Is like you say 12-13 or somenting like that.

I don't know. If this is true, then how do you explain the fact that many of us, including me, grew up with siblings who endured the same circumstances, with the same parents, and had the same crappy childhood as us yet did not turn out to be love-shy?

I've met a lot of people in my life who grew up in single-parent homes and/or were abused physically & emotionally as children and/or poor. I even know some people who grew up as wards of the state or in foster care. No matter how bad their parents were or the circumstances of their youth, they did not grow up to be love-shy or incel. How do you explain that?

Natalie Portman · **Posted:** 11 Aug 2012, 01:10

Humans have several survival mechanisims. One such mechanism is coping. When faced with threats and insults of weakness, one feels one must prove one's strength or lack of weakness. Again, if one is accused of being unintelligent or something of a related sort, the said accused may bring up some vagrant line of A's garnered in the distanct past or some other "acheivement" with the purpose of disproving the accusation. A similiar coping mechanism may hold true for love-shies. Having been trampled upon and deemed "ugly" by word, or, more usually and apporpriately, lack of word, he shall think himself good looking in a way probably not engendered by those around him. Constant silence can lead to inappropriate conclusions, and the love-shy can take silence to mean hidden compliments, a good-will stupor if you will.

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