Ok, I suppose everyone that has heard me talk here thinks of me as the new age weirdo. Which is true, but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT. I want to share something with you guys.

A big problem with love shyness is that the person doesn't love themselves.... (I can just sense everyone's eyes rolling right now).

I'll give you a little about my background. I had low self esteem ever since I was little. I struggled with all sorts of shit. I was OCD, suffered from bouts of depression, and was all around pretty fucked up, just like everyone else. When I was 7 I wrote poems about slitting my wrists. The reason why was because my dad was an asshole....I love him now, and forgive him, but he was and still is an asshole. He was a drunk, and on occasion would beat me and my sis. When he was drunk, he used to say the most horrible things. My mom told us to just pretend to agree with whatever he said, or he'll get madder ( and this was true).

He would come into my room and tell me I was a worthless piece of shit, and if me and my sister weren't born, he'd be free. And I was trained to say, "Yes, Daddy, I'm sorry." I was an actress even back then. But it's hard for a kid to understand the difference between SAYING these things and BELIEVING them.

He once called me a filthy little whore when I was nine in front of my friends, because I was playing outside in a bathing suit. I believed it meant I was a whore.

My dad used to make good money working at a television station. He knew celebrities and had lots of connections. So he got me and my sis into modeling and commercials. We were both models until we reached our teens, when we were no longer expected to be cute. Then were were expected to be beautiful.

I will say this, NEVER EVER think that a model has a good sense of self esteem. I remember hearing someone tell me if I only had a pretty face like my sister's I could get more work. That if my sister had my pretty body, SHE would get more work. I've had casting directors tell me to my face that I'm too fat for a part. My nose is too big. My skin too light/dark/whatever.

I get pimples pretty bad, especially when I'm stressed. I remember the humiliation if actually having a makeup artist squeeze a zit on my chin because she "just couldn't deal with that huge ugly lump." She pressed it till it stopped bleeding, covered it with gobs of makeup, and when I was presented to the director said,

"Well, it's the best I can do."

By the time I was 16, I was struggling with anorexia. To this day, I kind of still struggle with it. Ever since I was little I hated my reflection in the mirror.

Anyway, when I began studying witch craft, I made it my goal to become as strong as I could magickally. I wanted to learn EVERYTHING. So I visited a nearby open Reiki healing circle. I didn't know much about Reiki, except that my Grandmother loved it. So I wanted to find out what it was about.

It seemed harmless enough. Guided meditation, while the Reiki practitioners go around a circle and lay hands on you. What happened next, I can barely describe except that I felt such intense LOVE, I broke down and cried. It was amazing. For the rest of the week, I felt so...balanced. At peace.

I was told I'm a healer, so I wanted to learn how to do this to other people. I began to study Reiki. It was through Reiki I learned how to truly love myself, and let go of all the self-loathing programming I had learned to function under.

See, it sounds like a bunch of New Aged nonsense, all that about loving ones self. I know. But here's a little about how it all can work for you.

It doesn't matter what you believe in: God, Cosmic Energies, Atheism, whatever. We all NEED unconditional love. Love is one of those things that humans strive for. But more often than not, people aren't getting nearly enough.

Reiki is a way of sort of channeling unconditional love energy, as if it were water through a garden hose. When you receive Reiki, you are receiving it from a source of unconditional love ( be it from a deity, or wherever you think it might come from) through touch.

Think of how good you feel when you're getting a hug. How comforting it is when someone gives your hand a squeeze.

Reiki heals by flowing through the affected parts of the energy field and charging them with positive energy. It raises the vibratory level of the energy field in and around the physical body where the negative thoughts and feelings are attached. This causes the negative energy to break apart and fall away. In so doing, Reiki clears, straightens and heals the energy pathways, thus allowing the life force to flow in a healthy and natural way.

So give it a shot, guys. Find a free open healing circle near you, and treat yourself to some love energy. You deserve it.

When you experience positive life energy (Ki), you begin to appreciate all living things just for the mere fact that they are living. Life is beautiful, and in being alive YOU are beautiful.

I would try to find a group except I have touch issues due to abuse as a child, I don't like other men touching me, its a huge mental effort just to get through Akido practice which is currently 99% men at the dojo I attend.

To learn more about how energetic healing and holistic care can build self esteem and confidence, and potentially cure love-shyness, PM me!

AKU, there are Reiki circles that practice techniques DO NOT TOUCH, and merely heal through the auric field. Ask around in your area, and you can find ones that fit your comfort level. You can request that only a female give you treatment as well; speak to the Reiki Master in charge of the circle and tell them about what makes you comfortable. Their job is to make you feel safe and unthreatened, and they will be more than willing to respect your boundaries.

Check this site out:

http://reiki-press.hypermart.net/textsite/1-13.html

Your martial arts training can give you an understanding of Reiki, as it was developed in Japan, and is based on similar disciplines.

That is something I definitely agree with. I recently read some excerpts of Thomas Aquinas' Suma Theologica; this one talks about love. He doesn't define it as an uncontrollable and romanticized emotion, like most people do, but as a disposition towards someone or something. By this definition, maybe a lot of us are loved in at least some way.




Actually I'm very selective about being touched. But cats sure feel good. I'll think of cats.


I did some Reiki when I was younger. While I don't believe the discipline itself or the symbols hold any power, let alone the power to heal any serious wounds or illnesses by itself, I do believe it is a positive thing. At its core, it consists of human closeness combined with self-suggestion; these two things have been proven to have a positive effect not only on the mood, but the immune system as well, and probably other aspects of the organism too.

But I think one could achieve similar results by doing guided relaxation (the kind used in psychotherapy) with someone. Relaxation techniques tend to use the same metaphor of energy manifested as warmth, and often include hypnotic suggestions that put you into that mindset that life is beautiful.

Mirror, are you a certified Reiki practitioner/master? If so, was it costly? Do you believe in remote healing?

Yes, I am a Reiki practitioner. No, it wasn't costly. My school is a group of very understanding and loving people. They don't allow lack of finances to get in the way of someone's learning. I would agree that meditation is similar in it's benefit. See, I view love-shyness as a form of sickness, and the person afflicted in in a lot of pain. But meditation is proven to benefit in chronic pain management, allowing the person to self-heal.

If a LS person were to be in a meditative state when approaching someone they are attracted to, their fear mechanism would be shut off, thus allowing them to proceed in talking to this person that they normally would be afraid of. The result of this would be getting to know a person with out anxiety getting in the way. You can train the mind to meditate while doing things that would normally cause you stress, and in doing this, the stress no longer runs the show.

Check this out:





Oh yeah, and about remote healing. Yes, I believe such a thing is possible, as energies are not restricted to time and distance ( any of you ever fall in love with someone who is miles away, say, through the internet perhaps? The you know what I'm talking about). Unfortunately, I have not yet received my training to practice remote healing, but plan on doing so by the end of the summer. I hope to reach full Reiki Master status by the end of the year.

A year and a day, as they say in witchy circles LOL

Nah I'm just messing lol.

Yeah that quote is 100% true for me. I still have OCD/BDD so it's nearly impossible for me to accept myself, let alone like myself. I can't stand looking in the mirror, but since I have SAD I refuse to go out unless I look the best I can (to try and avoid "perpetual judgement" y'know), which requires just that. So for a long while I didn't leave my house. Thankfully I'm past that and I can function in day to day life, but I'm just not happy. I'm not usually one to subscribe to New Age'y stuff since I'm kinda all SCIENCE and stuff, but some research can't hurt I s'pose.

Even if the effects are 100% psychological and placebo, as the hard sciences would insist, it would still have tremendous therapeutic value I think.

Yeah..... My "healing" won't begin until people start acknowledging that I even exist. It has little to nothing to do with me failing to "love myself". Until then, these wounds might as well be tightly wrapped in salt water soaked bandages. In the meantime, I don't care very much for anything else. Whenever someone asks me what I do for "fun", I lie. Why? Cause all I ever do is work and sleep. Maybe if I had an inflated ego, I wouldn't be so... invisible. But this is the trade off that I bear. My feelings are like seasons, they constantly change. But on the days where I just don't care, those are the best days to be alive.

Joe:

I acknowledge you exist!

Wow, great link there. I adore that music. Sometimes I see music in colors. That one was blue-green.