I don’t normally post on things like this but I often read them and I thought it was high time you heard something positive on here.
I am male. I am fit, have a good circle of friends and hold down a challenging job. I have been an ‘incel’, as you call it, until the age of 28. I lacked confidence, was ignorant of romantic and sexual matters and couldn’t see a way out of my ‘problem’. But there is a way out. I found that way out by taking the risk of rejection, being subsequently very hurt by rejection and then finally meeting an understanding and caring partner who has genuine feelings for me, all in a very short space of time. This relationship is in its very early stages, so who knows what might happen, and beginning your sex life at this age is not easy, I can tell you. However, I’ve realised that, like many of you, I’m sure, there is nothing inherently wrong, unattractive or repulsive about me, and I am capable of being in a romantic relationship with someone. I’d guess that many of you who read these are normal, perfectly likeable young/middle-aged men like me who haven’t had much luck and have maybe gone about certain things in the wrong way.
My story will not be the same as everyone else’s. If I were to tell it to you (I can’t be bothered right now but see my final paragraph) you might find some things really akin to what you’ve gone through or are going through. Then again, you might think you’ve got a world of problems greater than what I’ve had, and you might not relate to my story at all. The point is I am no expert offering a universal formula for ‘recovery’ (from what?) but below is some small pieces of advice based on my own experiences.
Stop giving yourself stupid labels like ‘incel’ or ‘love shy’ that perpetuate your plight in your own mind. Above all, stop worrying about it. These labels just make you feel as if you have some kind of illness or defect. I’ll bet any money that you don’t. This is a trite piece of advice that you’re possibly sick of hearing (I was), but learn to be a person that you are proud of being. Just look after yourself, have something to offer the friends and family around you and for god’s sake, have a sense of humour. If you are short of friends in this world, that’s the first thing you need to work on, and there’s always a way back for people. One thing I did in my life was to develop and dedicate myself to an exercise routine. I always had good friends, but if you haven’t, then joining sports clubs may help this (I am not a life coach and I’m just trying to be helpful with that one).
Another thing I’m going to warn against is subscribing to these stupid ‘seduction community’ frauds and so-called ‘dating gurus’ that tell you you’re a ‘wuss’ because you don’t have a girlfriend yet. You can’t make people attracted to you or control anyone’s mind, and there’s no universal ‘system’ that you can follow to achieve dating success. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar who is usually trying to make money out of people’s dating-related misery. Not everyone is going to like everyone, but you’d be surprised at how much even the most seemingly unattractive person can cater for another’s tastes.
Also, I would advise that people stay off internet porn. It’s not going to help you and will only make things worse. And don’t make the mistake I made and become a heavy user of drugs and alcohol. Again, this is ill-advised.
Be open-minded to the people you meet. It’s easy to avoid romantic relationships altogether (I did) instead of facing your fears, just as easy as it is to be shallow and have stupid ‘standards’ that no-one will ever meet. I’ll bet lots of men/women have been attracted to you, and you’ve either been completely oblivious or run away from them like they were the plague.
No I haven’t shut up yet. I’m going to round this off with two more pieces of trite advice that you’re all tired of hearing. Be true to yourself and take risks, because if you don’t you will lead an unfulfilled life. As a footnote to this paragraph, I suffer from a mild autism spectrum disorder, as I’m sure many of you do.
If anyone wants further information about my ‘recovery’, please reply to this thread with sensible, grown-up questions (and please watch your grammar). I won’t discuss sexual matters in any great detail, but I’m happy to tell you what happened when I started dating again or anything else.

Firstly, welcome to the forum, and I am glad to hear you have met a woman, and I hope it all works out for you.

You have made some very good points in your post, and for the most part I agree with them, however I must respectfully disagree with the comment that I have enlarged. The reason I am disagreeing is what if, and many of the hard core incels (like myself can attest to), you don't get any interest from women at all, because women find you physically repulsive??

As for calling oneself Love Shy/Incel (whichever is applicable), I do agree that these titles are not good for one's self esteem, but at the same time you cannot pretend to be a "casanova" or successful PUA, when in reality you are an ugly looking guy who always gets rejected by women.

'hard-core incels'-this denotes that you see being an 'incel' (a ridiculous term) as a lifestyle choice of some kind, or at the very least an identity. I very much doubt that many people are repulsive to women at all. Like I said, you'd be surprised at how attractive you can be to one particular person's taste's. Maybe you haven't noticed the people attracted to you because you've been too busy thinking about what a 'hardcore incel' you are. I certainly was. no-one is particularly repulsive, to be honest. At least not to everyone. One woman's ugly, repellent person is another's sweet heart.
I didn't say you need to see yourself as a 'PUA' (another stupid invented term) or anything like that. There are no distinct categories of people when it comes to love. You just have to see yourself as 'you'. You don't need an identity tag invented by the internet. I'm loathe to get into a virtual discussion about this.

Hello, and welcome to the forum, dunderhead. Congrats on beating incel, or at least moving in that direction if this is only your first relationship.

As far as "I'm a recovered LS/incel, and you too can do what I did to succeed" threads go, this is definitely one of the best ones. You acknowledge that we have no control over other people and can't control their minds, which is 10000x better than PUA idiots and the shame patrol.

I agree with you about the labels to a point, but on this forum we have to use words to reference the issues in order to even talk about them. And incel/love-shy are better than the words that society at large tends to use against us, such as losers, man-children, forever-alones, 40-year-old-virgins (even if he is 25), etc.

If you go around acting like you are the man when everyone around you thinks you're a joke, it's only going to make them laugh harder. On the other hand, agreeing with their opinion is emotional suicide. The middle ground is to acknowledge that society and a lot of women may have a low opinion of you for whatever reason, yet to reject their opinion and like and respect yourself and what you have to offer anyway and consider how fucked up society and so many women are today and take that as a compliment. There are many, many cases throughout history when the masses were wrong and one person or a small group were right. In fact, it is true more often than not. The earth is round, it does circle the sun instead of the other way around, and communicable disease is caused by micro-organisms instead of evil spirits getting into your blood. Basic info that is unquestioned today, but to have stated these things once upon a time would have put you in the extreme minority and probably got you burned at the stake. Society accepts notions as true today that will seem just as barbaric and backward in a few generations... unfortunately we have to live among them today.

Anyway, not all women are that fucked up.... though again the ones that aren't are an extreme minority.... focus on finding one who isn't... it will be difficult but not entirely impossible. Dunderhead did it. I managed to on occasion.

Thanks for the thought provoking and hopeful post man, I'm 40 and have aways been to afraid to approach, but as a result of some not so good news from my doctor I seem to have lost a lot of the fear; as "death" approach, strange indeed.
Anyway I have decided to to approach and ask out some women soon, now of course I will most likely fail as I have many things that make me incell, not least being 40 and never having a GF ; but f""k it I want to be able to say at least I tried -at last- before my time is up.
Shit life sure can be very strange and sad/hard at times to understand and live.

I hope you are alright

How long did you avoid internet porn before you noticed results? Also what changed after removing it?

Actually no, none whatsoever. I have never received any indicators of interest (IOIs) from women at all, and I certainly don't avoid them like the plague. If I had ever had interest from a woman I would have seized the opportunity.

Personally, I don't think it's worth bothering anymore. My desire for a relationship is officially dead. I'm used to living alone anyway. I've faced my fears, especially with my last oneitis. I went for it and all I got was a rejection and a two year long major depressive episode complete with daily thoughts of suicide.

I'll instead just focus on other aspects of my life that I am successful in and get some results I like there. I'm not going to actively search for a girlfriend anymore, I don't want to risk heartbreak again cause I'll probably fall into depression again and might end up actually committing suicide. I'm more or less happy now and would like to keep it that way. Maybe I'll run into someone, maybe I won't. If not, I'll try to live a content life alone.

I'm not going to be open anymore, nor will I try to change to get a girlfriend. I'll stay true to myself instead because that so far hasn't caused me the misery that trying to improve myself only to be rejected has caused.

OK then give up! See what good it does you! Can't help you with that one.

What do you mean about 'seeing results', exactly?

Wow dunderhead, you really are a master of the mind. I've never understood this, and it's happened to me too. Here. On this site. Check out my "possitive" posts which are along the same thing. Very recently for a few weeks I have been in the death grip of oneitis, and for a while I was convinced this girl wanted to go out with me During this time I felt great. My belief about myself changed to me feeling attracted by women. And I started believing that other women found me attractive too. It was a GREAT feeling. I enjoyed it. I thought I was rounding the corner. And I didn't post here because I decided that "if I could do it, then others could too" and I just needed the actual relationship to get going for real so that I could write my book on how to find true love and it would be a milion seller etc etc "I want the world to know how happy I can be yada yada yada and "anyone else is a looser and a sad fuck yada yada yada.""

But not all of my brain was in slumber. I've had oneitis so many times now that I was able to observe myself at a distance. I'm reminded of WWII movie about continual attempts of prisoners to escape from this POW camp and always getting cought, and POWs being on a high when they think they're on the cusp of a gettaway only to be caught by the guards, and in dispare making a run for it anyway and getting shot to bits. I won't deny that there are some successful "escapes" from L.S and Incel, but they are the exception, not the norm.

I don't think our friend Onkel has "given up" in quite the way you think. All he said was he isn't going to allow himself to be humiliated anymore, but he is certainly open to a serious relationship with a woman who isn't a jackass.

Also my friend, you are only 28. Your perspective changes when you hit the big four zero. You are far too young to know much, so try respecting your elders. Basicaly mate, you're an ass. Your Mr possitive speech says "Hey guys, look at me, I've got a life." You people forget that your typed words mean Fuck. Talking is CHEAP. Especialy your chatter. Why say things you know people are sick of hearing. If you think we think what you say is going to sound like old hat, then maybe that's your conscience or what's left of it trying to access the dozing parts of your boiled brain, like MAYBE IT IS.

Nuff said.

Onkel William is 18. or some shit like that. Respect your elders asshol Chad #2 and accept the consequences of your choices. That's right. Choices. Everyone on this site in one way or another chose to be alone regardless of how much finger pointing and whining and shaming you all do. Welcome to the tree house.

Well. Let's 'what good' giving up has done me eh?

No longer on anti depressants
No longer sobbing myself to sleep at night
No longer feeling suicidal
No longer a walking basket case

In short; I got my fucking life back.

Fuck you you fucking

This is why I'm an Incel/Volcel and guess what? You can give me "advice" until you're blue in the face. I'm wired differently than you are:


You're not worth even a fraction of rage OP.

Um, what? ....

Speak for yourself, in fact very few people here actually choose to be alone, so I am not sure why you made that assumption, because it's way off the mark.