The depressing thing is how many tests there are to pass, otherwise you will be discarded.

You can be the nicest, most genuine, honest, and good looking guy....but you'll be discarded for over contacting.....ie, being clingy.

What if you're coming off as clingy because you have no friends?

It seems like you can't get out of that cycle of having no friends, because when you have a chance at friendship, you get excited, and then that blows it because you're too enthusiastic, ie, clingy...

Meh.

You always struck me as one of the most supportive members here despite your own lack of success with women, which I think is a testament to your good character. I'm referring more to the Advanced and Mesian types who, while entertaining, would often pretty much tell the LS guys that they have no chance with women because of this or that. I've talked to both of those guys outside of the forum and they aren't so bad if you get to know them, but the attitude they brought to the forum was unhealthy.

Incel here. I have a bad habit of coming on too strong & just overcontacting a bit (im not clueless, i get hints but yknow, one has to try for a bit) It gets me nowhere but my philosophy is be upfront about things. Sadly it never works & i never hear from the women again (im on the verge of losing two this month can you believe it? Lol)

^This is bullshit. Sucks I'll be dead or killed myself off by the time we have androids/robots.

How about this:

You get to know each other.......go from there.

Again Mav, basic "good" advice I suppose but you are forgetting that most people are indeed "people" not a math formula of exact plans and nobody reacts to the same situations and nuances.

Nobody behaves in the exact same way.

heard for decades of: Never call a woman. She calls you

What I should have done was: Get to know HER and her personality.

Instead I followed what all these "experts" said and did, and I was miserable for it. Got upset when I met a girl once that called me a bit, she wanted to be "friends" but since I was "supposed" to not call, because she was "sh*t testing" me evidently.....well.....looking back there perhaps were some missed opportunities because I decided to be something I wasn't

A woman's behavior (and a man's for that matter) is dependent on how she feels about you. If you overcontact a girl a little and she really likes you she will give you the benefit of the doubt. If she is vacillating, she may not. Why take this chance? I never suggested a math formula but merely a template that you can adapt when necessary.

Calling a woman once a week to set up a date is good but reducing nonsense texts or call in between is best to create mystery. If she reaches out more, then respond..if not keep to the template.

Or do whatever you want if she's not happy about it fuck it. You shouldn't waist your time with a girl who wants "mystery" and all that shit. Maybe that explains why you know so many guys who are unhappy with their relationship...

I've made the mistake in the past of replying to a text or a message on a dating site straight away. Now if a girl texts me, I reply, but never straight away, especially if I am in the middle of doing something. I finish what I am doing and then text her back. Making it seem as if you're available all the time is fatal.

Actually I had a very nice girlfriend who was really into meeting me in person 2-3 times per week. We did a lot of things together before I gathered my courage to ask her out in a lame way. She accepted my offer and we began dating; however, we had some sexual problems and I kind of smothered her a little resulting in the end of the relationship. She thought probably I was not that interested in her sexually and I was being a bit clingy. Definitely lack of other friends play a role here and even with a girl who loves and cares for you, you should be extremely careful.

It is recommended that you should just deny her request for meeting out of blue even if you have no work to do. Furthermore, she may seem happy and contend while meeting you, but loose interest in time if you contact her too much.

this goes back to the problem of how to not look desperate when you are... everybody seems to agree that if you want to attract a woman you should not let her know how desperate you are... the problem is that how do you hide your desperation when you really are desperate... Is like asking a starving person to hide that they are starved

I will say that as a young woman, I appreciate a man who will contact me often. I like the 1 message = 1 reply rule but factor in that your responses should encourage conversation. I know sometimes I will overthink a man's message and assume that his lackluster response means he has no interest in me, thus I won't reply and it goes nowhere.

What about overcontacting a guy? Have you guys ever experienced a woman who came on too strong which turned you off to her?

I haven't, but I think that if I came home to find a dozen messages of little or repetitive content, I would likely find that annoying.

I was set up on a blind date by my cousin, and the guy stood me up. He was a friend of my cousins fiancé. Anyway, I ended up meeting him at a family BBQ hosted my the my aunt and uncle(my cousins parents) and he came.

He seemed nice enough, but... Since he had blown me off twice, I wasn't really into him. Plus he was very heavily suggestive towards me in front of my family. And I'm very shy... So I soon realized that our personalities would just not go.

But because he had my number due to our 'set-up' he kept texting after... And kept texting...

It was horrible.

I have some clingy tendencies when I really like someone, I don't get too bothered by a girl who overcontacts. I think ultimately it depends on how attracted you are to her/how much you like her before you get overcontacted. If she's exactly what you're into then being overcontacted could seem too good to be true. At least from my vantage point, I'd get this "wow, this is really happening!" excitement that may be exclusive to incels.

If the attraction is marginal, then I wouldn't find it annoying that she is overcontacting so much that I'd be concerned she is going to fall in love with me eventually and I'm only going to kind of like her if this plays itself out. I've been in that situation 2 times before. It's sad because I would know the feelings she's going through and may try to reciprocate for a while but deep down I know the situation is doomed and she is going to be crushed. And I ended up in those situations because I thought to myself "I never get to be in relationships, this is so much better than nothing."

Thank you for sharing such valuable tips! My brother is ready for marriage and have decided to join a dating website. I'm sure you're given advise will be really helpful to him for approaching girls.

edited to remove link - this could be considered advertising - mod