LS.com homepage  •   LS.com FAQ  •   Resources
In the media  •   Articles  •   WIKI
It is currently 19 Nov 2018, 08:18

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Forum rules


This is the one of the guest-viewable discussion areas. If you haven't already, sign up as a user (everything is, and always will be, completely free)! Users can engage in discussion in both guest-viewable and member-only subforums. There's also an arcade.

Please post in good faith. We support freedom of speech here but deliberately inflammatory posts will be deleted. Use common sense when writing posts and be sure to read the guidelines (and weep) before posting.



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: 05 May 2017, 23:45 
Offline
New Poster

Joined: 28 Apr 2015, 11:48
Posts: 7
Thanks: 1
Thanked:
9 times in 4 posts
Hey everyone,
I am 33 and have had a life with a lot of relocations due to my father's job which is one of the main reasons of my love shyness.

I have made my good friends at the age of 22 and lost them at the age of 28 as I restarted moving around again.

Nonetheless, the issue is that most of my friends have found a girlfriend while I remained single and it does hurt, just like going to marriages and being alone.

My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?

My worst period has been around 30 when I realized that people were moving on while I was remaining single.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank sevs17 for the above post:
A.J.
PostPosted: 06 May 2017, 06:54 
Offline
Extensive Contributor
User avatar

Joined: 05 Nov 2011, 22:29
Posts: 1844
Location: ただ愛されたい。
Thanks: 321
Thanked:
451 times in 335 posts
Welcome.
Any age sucks, IMHO
it seems to feel worse as you get older, as the flame of hope slowly dies inside you while seeing nieces and nephews that you used to babysit are now married with children of their own.
Frankly I don't know what keeps me going anymore or what keeps me from emptying all seven bottles of my meds into a glass of Stoli black cherry vodka and downing it and hoping it doesn't hurt too much before the end comes.
I'm not purposely trying to scare you or freak you out, it's you just happen to have caught me at a bad time, and I'll sum it up with a quote I found a long time ago " I'm tired, the kind of tired that sleep can't fix"
Image
I usually get this way after reading or watching too much romance, I keep falling into that same damn trap :banghead:

_________________
Image

They say just be yourself, what they mean is be yourself just so long as it conforms to our ideals


All the animals I eat, eat vegetables, so technically I'm a vegan


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank AKU for the above post:
IceCat7, alone99
PostPosted: 09 May 2017, 04:42 
Offline
Extensive Contributor

Joined: 09 Jul 2009, 11:11
Posts: 1785
Thanks: 1986
Thanked:
266 times in 201 posts
Mid 30s...


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
PostPosted: 09 May 2017, 10:20 
Offline
Contributor
User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2010, 18:52
Posts: 501
Thanks: 175
Thanked:
78 times in 52 posts
sevs17 wrote:
My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?


About 21-25. Up to 20 you may be still considered a "late bloomer", after 25 you'll somewhat get used to your situation, grow a tougher skin and find your own way to cope with it; this also improves your changes to meet someone.

But these years are the worst, for many reasons.

FYI: I'm 40 and married.

Y.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
PostPosted: 09 May 2017, 17:28 
Offline
Poster
User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2017, 21:06
Posts: 153
53 times in 37 posts
age 12-16 are the fool years. those are the years girls will hit on you, but due to social programming you will feel too afraid to flirt back.
age 18-21 are the years of coming out the closet. Those years you will finally get the courage to start to feel no shame about your own sexuality. Ironically, at that time, is when people will reject you the most and shame you the hardest about your sexuality.
21-25 are the years of false hope. Those are the years you will tell yourself "I will get laid before my next birthday..." but never do.
26 and onward is the downward slope. those are the years of physical illness, when you have lost the will to live, and you lose energy and hope completely, and just feel physically sick from sheer crippling loneliness all the time. This is the beginning of your descent on the lonely road of perdition.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank SickSadWorld for the above post:
IceCat7, Donbot, alone99, The Geek, Malady
PostPosted: 11 May 2017, 20:26 
Offline
Elite Contributor
User avatar

Joined: 08 Jan 2013, 19:35
Posts: 2758
Location: CA
Thanks: 2479
Thanked:
578 times in 449 posts
sevs17 wrote:
Hey everyone,
I am 33 and have had a life with a lot of relocations due to my father's job which is one of the main reasons of my love shyness.

I have made my good friends at the age of 22 and lost them at the age of 28 as I restarted moving around again.

Nonetheless, the issue is that most of my friends have found a girlfriend while I remained single and it does hurt, just like going to marriages and being alone.

My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?

My worst period has been around 30 when I realized that people were moving on while I was remaining single.


At 20 is when I started searching the internet for whats wrong with me. 5 years from now I'll be 30 ugh I hate thinking about it and hope I dont live to see it. I already feel what you do and hate those around me who were just born superior to me and theres nothing I can do about it.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank TheCounter for the above post:
metalized
PostPosted: 13 May 2017, 21:47 
Offline
Poster
User avatar

Joined: 06 Nov 2011, 02:30
Posts: 125
Thanks: 4
Thanked:
79 times in 42 posts
It depends, and the portions of it that are most difficult change as you get older. I'm in my mid-40's, and I'm guessing that it doesn't change too much from here on out, but... I don't know for sure.

I never even considered it odd until my mid 20's, maybe later. It was a different time then, without the internet to foster discussions with such a wide range of people. I didn't know anyone else I'd consider LS growing up, and I'm not aware of anyone who considered me way out of the ordinary. I simply didn't date, but on any given day, lots of other guys didn't have dates either. It was a total non-issue. I know that others in that age group have had vastly different experiences, but that's what it was like for me.

Then my friends started getting married. That was a bit of a wake-up call. At most of those weddings, I was the only person without a date (not counting widowed grandparents, etc.). That started getting a bit awkward. But I was usually in a group of friends (and their dates) who knew me, and it was okay. But you start to feel dissociated with your peer group.

Now I'm in my 40's. My friends' children are pursuing relationships of their own, and it's not uncommon for me to think things like "I remember this kid in diapers, and now he/she's curled up on the couch with girlfriend/boyfriend". It makes you feel both very naive and very old at the same time.

Mostly now, it's not the day-to-day stuff that's a bother. I'm used to being single. I'm used to being the only single person at pretty much every social event that I go to. Now the most difficult thing is the feeling of knowing that I've missed out, that I'm unlikely in my lifetime to ever to find romance or intimacy. Knowing that I'm way, way too old for people with even my approximate levels of experience, and that people in my age group are unlikely to even consider a romantic relationship with me. It's just... limbo.

I think the part that's the most difficult depends on our own personalities. It can be rough anytime -- but *why* it's rough changes.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank Blue for the above post:
metalized, alone99
PostPosted: 20 May 2017, 19:03 
Offline
New Poster

Joined: 28 Apr 2015, 11:48
Posts: 7
Thanks: 1
Thanked:
9 times in 4 posts
Thanks to all! I appreciate all your comments!

Unfortunately time is going on and a lot of my friends are moving on and I somehow feel that the best thing to do is to not expect a girlfriend to arrive. I have stopped going out with many historic friends as they did not understand me and made stupid comments blaming me of being single while the only comment that I wanted to hear was: "I ams sorry about your situation".

Being single is not easy at all and inevitably brings to depression every now and then but am slowly improving on that side.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank sevs17 for the above post:
metalized, GrinSweeper
PostPosted: 22 May 2017, 20:21 
Offline
Poster

Joined: 10 Dec 2015, 23:17
Posts: 471
Location: Plane of Concordant Opposition (Weekdays only)
Thanks: 189
Thanked:
174 times in 139 posts
For me different ages had different problems.

When I was young, in my teens, others would mock or take the piss out of me for not getting laid. But I still had a feeling that I had plenty of time left.

When I reached my thirties I definitely felt different and did my best to hide that fact that I was still a virgin. However, people don't take a great interest in your private life, or the lack of it, by that age, at least not to your face.

When I reached 40, I was a walking joke.

I don't know which age was the worst. But mid to late twenties were the least worst. During my mid/late twenties no one mocked me, in fact some of my friends hoped I would find a girlfriend. I still had a feeling that it was not to late.

_________________
“Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble."


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank Beocca for the above post:
metalized
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2017, 19:48 
Offline
New Poster

Joined: 10 Feb 2017, 18:51
Posts: 19
10 times in 6 posts
Hmmm, good question. Going on my own first-hand experience I think the longer a man is LS, especially going into his 30's and up, the longer he not only lives through the experience of it, but also has to deal with the memories of it, which in a sense is worse than if someone in their 20's is LS and "nips it in the bud" before it drags out too long (of course not insinuating that LS can't be overcome at a later age as I can personally testify to).


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank HoosierBuckeye48 for the above post:
Donbot
PostPosted: 23 Jul 2017, 00:48 
Offline
Contributor

Joined: 05 May 2008, 00:01
Posts: 768
Location: New England
Thanks: 85
Thanked:
197 times in 120 posts
As others have responded, it could be at different ages. However, I think one of the worst ages could be when one is in High School. Think about it. For most people forming attractions and bonds with members of the opposite sex (or same sex if homosexual) occurs during one's teenage years. There have been discussions on these forums regarding the negative effects of those who miss out on dating in HS. Sure, it's possible to catch up as a late bloomer, but it does feel odd if one his getting his first gf in his 20s while his peers are either in a serious LTR or have ridden the pussy carousel a few times already.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
PostPosted: 22 Mar 2018, 23:20 
Offline
New Poster

Joined: 21 Mar 2018, 01:32
Posts: 3
I just turned 29 in November. I feel OP has hit it on the head. 26-33 is definitely the worst time.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
PostPosted: 23 Mar 2018, 02:04 
Offline
Super Contributor
User avatar

Joined: 20 Nov 2011, 01:00
Posts: 1128
Thanks: 277
Thanked:
1057 times in 502 posts
When I was in my 20's, I still felt I had time to find a girlfriend and experience sex. When I hit 30, I couldn't believe I was still a virgin. My late 30's showed some promise as I went out with some really cute girls who seemed to enjoy my company. But anytime I attempted physical or romantic contact, I was told to STOP. They didn't (and never would) see me in that way. Then I became a real 40-y.o. virgin. But I still pursued women who SEEMED interested in me. Again, a few dates happened, but they never led to sex. In fact, the idea of it was completely ludicrous to them (I was just a "good guy" who was a "good listener" and very dependable - in other words, a fool and a doormat).

I turned 50 in 2010 a few months after my father died. He never got to see me with a woman. He died never knowing if the family name would continue. All his life, he never pressed me about it. But I'm sure he wondered what was wrong.

Now at 57, I'm no closer to losing my virginity than I was at 17. So for me, the worst age to be LS (or incel in my case) is probably every decade that I got my hopes up, starting at 17 until now.

_________________
Light cannot exist without darkness. Each has its purpose.
And if there's a purpose to my darkness, maybe it's to bring some balance to the world.
- Dexter Morgan

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sisyphus all my life.

Image


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank alone99 for the above post:
The Geek
PostPosted: 23 Mar 2018, 04:26 
Offline
Extensive Contributor

Joined: 09 Jul 2009, 11:11
Posts: 1785
Thanks: 1986
Thanked:
266 times in 201 posts
All ages suck being love-shy but as you get older its more difficult for a girl to like you for you not for everything else that sorrounds you.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
PostPosted: 24 Mar 2018, 11:51 
Offline
Poster

Joined: 01 Jun 2017, 06:49
Posts: 307
Thanks: 74
Thanked:
290 times in 156 posts
All these posters above hit the nail on the head. So much that is said by everyone resonates with my own life experience, and I speak of course as a late fortysomething virgin.

Every age is tough when LS, every decade, each in its own way. Going without even a kiss from a girl in my teens, was frustrating in the extreme, but I always thought I was mere weeks away, months away, from some female affection. Ha ha ha. Still never been kissed, and I am 2 years from 50. Twenties were unbearable, since the sex drive is so strong, and you are expected to be hooking up with girls. Turning 30, as a virgin, is psychologically devastating. Hence my lame suicide attempt at that age. Thirties as an LS are very bleak, the neuroses start to multiply, your behavior, if you are not superwatchful, can become very strange, all sorts of emotional problems, and as is pointed out above by one poster, you can and do get physically ill (because you cannot separate the mind from the body). A normal social life, even just hanging out with friends and family, becomes impossible or fraught with pitfalls because the dead pterodactyl that is your lifelong incel is hanging around your neck and its stench permeates every seemingly innocent social event and circumstance.

You develop a very black sense of humor, which is necessary but not enough to stop you from sinking into a world of painful oblivion. In your forties, you become as Pink Floyd put it, comfortably numb. Then again it's actually an uncomfortable numbness. You start to freak out how the years have flown by like a raging torrent, and people young enough to be your children are themselves men and women!! having relationships, getting married and all the rest. You start to worry about the risk of going full-bore insane because the emotional problems aggregate, the memories of a desert life sear even more than in one's thirties. Of course all around you young people with everything to live for get wiped out in car accidents, get cancer, there are murders and freak accidents. However incel just plods on, in his bubble of misery and loneliness. And he knows that if he is sitting in a restaurant or mall and a mad gunman storms the place, and sprays everybody with machine gun fire, young families will die, young lovers and children, but incel will emerge as the lone survivor, without a scratch. Because when you have nothing to live for, you will emerge unscathed from fire, earthquakes, revolution. Empires rise and fall, but incel like the cockroach, scurries along. One hopes for a heart attack, before old age, because old age is tough enough, even if you have not wasted your life. But if your life has been an empty desert, without love and affection, without the touch of a woman, you hope and pray for a quick death, before 60 please God.

This is not just self-pity, I have a very real fear of madness. My mind is already slipping into a very dark abyss. There is no happy ending here. Thank God for death whenever it comes. Death my only friend.


Top
 Profile  
Thanks  
The following users would like to thank silvereagle for the above post:
Donbot, The Geek, Malady, Stannis
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group