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Worst age to be love shy?
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Author:  sevs17 [ 05 May 2017, 23:45 ]
Post subject:  Worst age to be love shy?

Hey everyone,
I am 33 and have had a life with a lot of relocations due to my father's job which is one of the main reasons of my love shyness.

I have made my good friends at the age of 22 and lost them at the age of 28 as I restarted moving around again.

Nonetheless, the issue is that most of my friends have found a girlfriend while I remained single and it does hurt, just like going to marriages and being alone.

My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?

My worst period has been around 30 when I realized that people were moving on while I was remaining single.

Author:  AKU [ 06 May 2017, 06:54 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

Welcome.
Any age sucks, IMHO
it seems to feel worse as you get older, as the flame of hope slowly dies inside you while seeing nieces and nephews that you used to babysit are now married with children of their own.
Frankly I don't know what keeps me going anymore or what keeps me from emptying all seven bottles of my meds into a glass of Stoli black cherry vodka and downing it and hoping it doesn't hurt too much before the end comes.
I'm not purposely trying to scare you or freak you out, it's you just happen to have caught me at a bad time, and I'll sum it up with a quote I found a long time ago " I'm tired, the kind of tired that sleep can't fix"
Image
I usually get this way after reading or watching too much romance, I keep falling into that same damn trap :banghead:

Author:  metalized [ 09 May 2017, 04:42 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

Mid 30s...

Author:  A.J. [ 09 May 2017, 10:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

sevs17 wrote:
My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?


About 21-25. Up to 20 you may be still considered a "late bloomer", after 25 you'll somewhat get used to your situation, grow a tougher skin and find your own way to cope with it; this also improves your changes to meet someone.

But these years are the worst, for many reasons.

FYI: I'm 40 and married.

Y.

Author:  SickSadWorld [ 09 May 2017, 17:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

age 12-16 are the fool years. those are the years girls will hit on you, but due to social programming you will feel too afraid to flirt back.
age 18-21 are the years of coming out the closet. Those years you will finally get the courage to start to feel no shame about your own sexuality. Ironically, at that time, is when people will reject you the most and shame you the hardest about your sexuality.
21-25 are the years of false hope. Those are the years you will tell yourself "I will get laid before my next birthday..." but never do.
26 and onward is the downward slope. those are the years of physical illness, when you have lost the will to live, and you lose energy and hope completely, and just feel physically sick from sheer crippling loneliness all the time. This is the beginning of your descent on the lonely road of perdition.

Author:  TheCounter [ 11 May 2017, 20:26 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

sevs17 wrote:
Hey everyone,
I am 33 and have had a life with a lot of relocations due to my father's job which is one of the main reasons of my love shyness.

I have made my good friends at the age of 22 and lost them at the age of 28 as I restarted moving around again.

Nonetheless, the issue is that most of my friends have found a girlfriend while I remained single and it does hurt, just like going to marriages and being alone.

My question is, especially to the less young love-shys, what is the hardest age to be a love shy?

My worst period has been around 30 when I realized that people were moving on while I was remaining single.


At 20 is when I started searching the internet for whats wrong with me. 5 years from now I'll be 30 ugh I hate thinking about it and hope I dont live to see it. I already feel what you do and hate those around me who were just born superior to me and theres nothing I can do about it.

Author:  Blue [ 13 May 2017, 21:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

It depends, and the portions of it that are most difficult change as you get older. I'm in my mid-40's, and I'm guessing that it doesn't change too much from here on out, but... I don't know for sure.

I never even considered it odd until my mid 20's, maybe later. It was a different time then, without the internet to foster discussions with such a wide range of people. I didn't know anyone else I'd consider LS growing up, and I'm not aware of anyone who considered me way out of the ordinary. I simply didn't date, but on any given day, lots of other guys didn't have dates either. It was a total non-issue. I know that others in that age group have had vastly different experiences, but that's what it was like for me.

Then my friends started getting married. That was a bit of a wake-up call. At most of those weddings, I was the only person without a date (not counting widowed grandparents, etc.). That started getting a bit awkward. But I was usually in a group of friends (and their dates) who knew me, and it was okay. But you start to feel dissociated with your peer group.

Now I'm in my 40's. My friends' children are pursuing relationships of their own, and it's not uncommon for me to think things like "I remember this kid in diapers, and now he/she's curled up on the couch with girlfriend/boyfriend". It makes you feel both very naive and very old at the same time.

Mostly now, it's not the day-to-day stuff that's a bother. I'm used to being single. I'm used to being the only single person at pretty much every social event that I go to. Now the most difficult thing is the feeling of knowing that I've missed out, that I'm unlikely in my lifetime to ever to find romance or intimacy. Knowing that I'm way, way too old for people with even my approximate levels of experience, and that people in my age group are unlikely to even consider a romantic relationship with me. It's just... limbo.

I think the part that's the most difficult depends on our own personalities. It can be rough anytime -- but *why* it's rough changes.

Author:  sevs17 [ 20 May 2017, 19:03 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

Thanks to all! I appreciate all your comments!

Unfortunately time is going on and a lot of my friends are moving on and I somehow feel that the best thing to do is to not expect a girlfriend to arrive. I have stopped going out with many historic friends as they did not understand me and made stupid comments blaming me of being single while the only comment that I wanted to hear was: "I ams sorry about your situation".

Being single is not easy at all and inevitably brings to depression every now and then but am slowly improving on that side.

Author:  Beocca [ 22 May 2017, 20:21 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

For me different ages had different problems.

When I was young, in my teens, others would mock or take the piss out of me for not getting laid. But I still had a feeling that I had plenty of time left.

When I reached my thirties I definitely felt different and did my best to hide that fact that I was still a virgin. However, people don't take a great interest in your private life, or the lack of it, by that age, at least not to your face.

When I reached 40, I was a walking joke.

I don't know which age was the worst. But mid to late twenties were the least worst. During my mid/late twenties no one mocked me, in fact some of my friends hoped I would find a girlfriend. I still had a feeling that it was not to late.

Author:  HoosierBuckeye48 [ 07 Jul 2017, 19:48 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

Hmmm, good question. Going on my own first-hand experience I think the longer a man is LS, especially going into his 30's and up, the longer he not only lives through the experience of it, but also has to deal with the memories of it, which in a sense is worse than if someone in their 20's is LS and "nips it in the bud" before it drags out too long (of course not insinuating that LS can't be overcome at a later age as I can personally testify to).

Author:  TheLoneWolf [ 23 Jul 2017, 00:48 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

As others have responded, it could be at different ages. However, I think one of the worst ages could be when one is in High School. Think about it. For most people forming attractions and bonds with members of the opposite sex (or same sex if homosexual) occurs during one's teenage years. There have been discussions on these forums regarding the negative effects of those who miss out on dating in HS. Sure, it's possible to catch up as a late bloomer, but it does feel odd if one his getting his first gf in his 20s while his peers are either in a serious LTR or have ridden the pussy carousel a few times already.

Author:  Scout [ 22 Mar 2018, 23:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

I just turned 29 in November. I feel OP has hit it on the head. 26-33 is definitely the worst time.

Author:  alone99 [ 23 Mar 2018, 02:04 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

When I was in my 20's, I still felt I had time to find a girlfriend and experience sex. When I hit 30, I couldn't believe I was still a virgin. My late 30's showed some promise as I went out with some really cute girls who seemed to enjoy my company. But anytime I attempted physical or romantic contact, I was told to STOP. They didn't (and never would) see me in that way. Then I became a real 40-y.o. virgin. But I still pursued women who SEEMED interested in me. Again, a few dates happened, but they never led to sex. In fact, the idea of it was completely ludicrous to them (I was just a "good guy" who was a "good listener" and very dependable - in other words, a fool and a doormat).

I turned 50 in 2010 a few months after my father died. He never got to see me with a woman. He died never knowing if the family name would continue. All his life, he never pressed me about it. But I'm sure he wondered what was wrong.

Now at 57, I'm no closer to losing my virginity than I was at 17. So for me, the worst age to be LS (or incel in my case) is probably every decade that I got my hopes up, starting at 17 until now.

Author:  metalized [ 23 Mar 2018, 04:26 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

All ages suck being love-shy but as you get older its more difficult for a girl to like you for you not for everything else that sorrounds you.

Author:  silvereagle [ 24 Mar 2018, 11:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: Worst age to be love shy?

All these posters above hit the nail on the head. So much that is said by everyone resonates with my own life experience, and I speak of course as a late fortysomething virgin.

Every age is tough when LS, every decade, each in its own way. Going without even a kiss from a girl in my teens, was frustrating in the extreme, but I always thought I was mere weeks away, months away, from some female affection. Ha ha ha. Still never been kissed, and I am 2 years from 50. Twenties were unbearable, since the sex drive is so strong, and you are expected to be hooking up with girls. Turning 30, as a virgin, is psychologically devastating. Hence my lame suicide attempt at that age. Thirties as an LS are very bleak, the neuroses start to multiply, your behavior, if you are not superwatchful, can become very strange, all sorts of emotional problems, and as is pointed out above by one poster, you can and do get physically ill (because you cannot separate the mind from the body). A normal social life, even just hanging out with friends and family, becomes impossible or fraught with pitfalls because the dead pterodactyl that is your lifelong incel is hanging around your neck and its stench permeates every seemingly innocent social event and circumstance.

You develop a very black sense of humor, which is necessary but not enough to stop you from sinking into a world of painful oblivion. In your forties, you become as Pink Floyd put it, comfortably numb. Then again it's actually an uncomfortable numbness. You start to freak out how the years have flown by like a raging torrent, and people young enough to be your children are themselves men and women!! having relationships, getting married and all the rest. You start to worry about the risk of going full-bore insane because the emotional problems aggregate, the memories of a desert life sear even more than in one's thirties. Of course all around you young people with everything to live for get wiped out in car accidents, get cancer, there are murders and freak accidents. However incel just plods on, in his bubble of misery and loneliness. And he knows that if he is sitting in a restaurant or mall and a mad gunman storms the place, and sprays everybody with machine gun fire, young families will die, young lovers and children, but incel will emerge as the lone survivor, without a scratch. Because when you have nothing to live for, you will emerge unscathed from fire, earthquakes, revolution. Empires rise and fall, but incel like the cockroach, scurries along. One hopes for a heart attack, before old age, because old age is tough enough, even if you have not wasted your life. But if your life has been an empty desert, without love and affection, without the touch of a woman, you hope and pray for a quick death, before 60 please God.

This is not just self-pity, I have a very real fear of madness. My mind is already slipping into a very dark abyss. There is no happy ending here. Thank God for death whenever it comes. Death my only friend.

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