Hi all. It's me again.
I'm back here because I'm trying to re-state the message that I just keep sending you guys. I wish I could somehow let you guys read my mind, because my philosophy of life feels so simple to me ... and yet it is so hard for me to put it into words.
My philosophy of life can be summed up in two words: emotional detachment. Remember that the earth is just one planet in a sea of nothingness. Human history is tiny as well. All of recorded human history is a tiny epilogue at the end of an age of beast wars.
For millions of years, animals fought one another out of hunger and had sex out of lust. Human civilization exists because we humans have fooled ourselves. We act as though we are above all of that lust and hunger, but we're really not.
Think about all the people who were mean to you in the past. Think about all the men who called you a wuss and all the women who called you a creep. You probably think that they had a point right?
NO! Stop thinking like that. They were just predatory mammals. They lashed out at you because of their predatory instincts. They don't matter. In a million years, nobody will remember any of the bad things that you did during your life, but nature and its beauty will still be around. Cute, fluffy mammals will still be prancing and leaping about the amber fields of grain. Babbling brooks will continue to trickle down the sides of mountains. The biolights of the vampire squids and the deep-sea siphonophores will continue to illuminate Davy Jones' Locker. Leaves will continue to rustle in the spring breeze. The world exists for all of that. The world does not exist for human civilization. Human civilization is just a temporary cancer. It will probably wipe itself out one of these days.
That's what you need to remember. Become better at mentally escaping. Become better at not caring. Become better at thinking about something else. Women aren't attracted to you because you over-analyse everything.
Perhaps you are intelligent and can't stop over-analysing. In that case, analyse the natural world. Don't waste time trying to analyse the human world ... except when you need to pay the bills. If you already have food, water and shelter, this means that the human world requires no further analysis.
That's what I was really trying to get at this whole time. I was being silly because I don't give a fuck about anything ... and neither should you.
I just know that you guys are going to throw harsh, caustic language at me like you always do. Whatever. In a million years, nobody will remember all the mean things that you said to me and about me. The world will be a world of beast fights once again. All of what you see here is just the chattering of a bunch of sexually frustrated male apes. Those sexy women you are attracted to are apes as well. They aren't goddesses. They aren't devils. They're just apes. Those Chads who stole your women were also mere apes. The world doesn't even exist for us. Most animals on this planet aren't even vertebrates.
Let the nihilistic beauty of the natural world be your guiding light in this inky blackness.
I wish I could explain it any better than that.
"Matt! You've got to stop comparing yourself to Tai! You're not him!"