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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2011, 18:39 
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NikkuMimura wrote:
I envy your success Rossini! I've only become Facebook friends with 2 girls I met on Okcupid, POF has yielded me no success yet but I only recently started using it.

The first girl I set up a date with and was completely turned off because she did a really good job at hiding how fat she was in all her pictures and I completely lost interest the very moment I saw her in all her chunky glory (seriously ladies, at least be honest about your body type so that us guys who don't like large women can avoid wasting our time talking to you). That ended up being a very awkward and boring date... The second girl, well as I said before it didn't go well and she stopped messaging me the moment I asked for her number.

Back to the drawing board...


while some of your reasoning seems a bit off to me, it is your choice, after all. But I think these days people have to look for more than just the waistline measurements in dating. rule of thumb is, if the stomach does not go beyond the tit line.

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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2011, 18:56 
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jimmusician wrote:
NikkuMimura wrote:
I envy your success Rossini! I've only become Facebook friends with 2 girls I met on Okcupid, POF has yielded me no success yet but I only recently started using it.

The first girl I set up a date with and was completely turned off because she did a really good job at hiding how fat she was in all her pictures and I completely lost interest the very moment I saw her in all her chunky glory (seriously ladies, at least be honest about your body type so that us guys who don't like large women can avoid wasting our time talking to you). That ended up being a very awkward and boring date... The second girl, well as I said before it didn't go well and she stopped messaging me the moment I asked for her number.

Back to the drawing board...


while some of your reasoning seems a bit off to me, it is your choice, after all. But I think these days people have to look for more than just the waistline measurements in dating. rule of thumb is, if the stomach does not go beyond the tit line.


I get what you're saying but trust me, I'm extremely turned off by fat women and I was under the impression that she wasn't when I arranged our date (don't get me wrong, they don't have to be twig-like and supermodel skinny, but this girl in particular was chunky). I do believe there needs to be attraction in a relationship... Oh and due to a severe lacking in the tit department I think her gut did indeed go beyond her chest. I understand that people said big girls need loving too, and I believe that, that loving just won't be from me.

Oh and I suppose if she had a bright irresistible personality I may have given her a chance... ...But she didn't have that either. :headsmack:

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PostPosted: 12 Feb 2011, 19:34 
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NikkuMimura wrote:
jimmusician wrote:
NikkuMimura wrote:
I envy your success Rossini! I've only become Facebook friends with 2 girls I met on Okcupid, POF has yielded me no success yet but I only recently started using it.

The first girl I set up a date with and was completely turned off because she did a really good job at hiding how fat she was in all her pictures and I completely lost interest the very moment I saw her in all her chunky glory (seriously ladies, at least be honest about your body type so that us guys who don't like large women can avoid wasting our time talking to you). That ended up being a very awkward and boring date... The second girl, well as I said before it didn't go well and she stopped messaging me the moment I asked for her number.

Back to the drawing board...


while some of your reasoning seems a bit off to me, it is your choice, after all. But I think these days people have to look for more than just the waistline measurements in dating. rule of thumb is, if the stomach does not go beyond the tit line.


I get what you're saying but trust me, I'm extremely turned off by fat women and I was under the impression that she wasn't when I arranged our date (don't get me wrong, they don't have to be twig-like and supermodel skinny, but this girl in particular was chunky). I do believe there needs to be attraction in a relationship... Oh and due to a severe lacking in the tit department I think her gut did indeed go beyond her chest. I understand that people said big girls need loving too, and I believe that, that loving just won't be from me.

Oh and I suppose if she had a bright irresistible personality I may have given her a chance... ...But she didn't have that either. :headsmack:

just justify it; the fat was beyond the tit-line. C'mon, its easy. and hell, unless you have REALLY low standards like me, you'd probably not enjoy it. But I get what your saying.

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PostPosted: 18 Feb 2011, 00:15 
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Kucumber wrote:
Very useful advice. Thanks. I've been using online dating sites for about 9 months with limited success (3 dates with 2 girls and 1 wasn't even really a date if I'm being honest). A few comments:

Rossini wrote:
I said I'd make a thread of exactly what I did, so here it is.
Mind you right now I am in a major slump, and it seems like I exhausted all prospects. I'll just have to wait awhile for the new batch of people to sign up.

This is a major problem. At least where I live (Northern Ireland) there aren't that many girls who I would consider dating online. Now new ones come along all the time so it's not really a big deal if you're on a free site, but it sucks if you're paying a fortune for Match.com and there's no-one to message.

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The two main ones I use are Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. They are both free, and both seem to have more users than all of the paid ones. The other free ones are a waste of time and don't have any experience with the paid sites.

I have used Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match, Parship and Geek2Geek. I also tried eHarmony. My verdicts:

Plenty of Fish: the one I've had most success with (both girls I met came from this). It's free which is an obvious advantage (you can pay for a few extra features though I never have). It's also one of the busiest so you can generally find new people to message. The only disadvantage is the members aren't always that interested in meeting people and might be just there for fun/chatting. One great resource is the forum: you can put a link to your profile and other members will give you advice on improving it. And in my experience it helped.

OK Cupid: It's free and with its quizzes it's actually quite fun and it's easier than PoF to work out compatibility. However that's its biggest problem. So many members are there just because the site's fun rather than are interested in meeting people. It's also nowhere near as busy as PoF.

Match: Match was the first I tried with no success. However, my pictures and profile were terrible back then which was most likely a huge factor. On the plus side it's a well designed site, it's about as busy as Pof (though many members are not full members) and the members are (supposedly) a bit more serious about finding people. However it's expensive and it's more expensive than you might think. There are different levels of membership. Basic (free members) can't message anyone but top level members. The mid level (whuich costs a fair bit to upgrade to, but less if you buy several months at once) can message anyone, however only those of mid level or higher can respond. There is no way of telling from a profile whether it is a basic or mid-level member so you'll never know if the person you messaged can't or won't reply. The top level membership will cost you another whack of money. The advantage is you can message anyone and they can message you and your top level status will appear on your profile. For this reason I would only recommend Match if you're prepared to pay for top level membership.

Parship: Slightly cheaper than Match, but bad design and has few members. Avoid.

Geek2Geek: A nice idea, but very expensive and not that many members (most of which I found again on Match anyway)

eHarmony: There's a reason they can boast such high success rates. They don't let anyone with the "wrong" personality type join. Which includes me apparently. Prats!

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My rule is after about 3 to 4 responses is when I'll ask for her number. 2 of her responses in say your name and on the very next response ask for her number. My theory is if she gets your name, then it seems more personal and you stand out a little more than the others.

Interesting. I would nearly always say my name at the end of my first message. Do you think that's coming on a bit strong?
Also I tend to ask girls out rather than ask for their number after 4 or so responses. Again perhaps I'm coming on a bit strong there and would be better asking for numbers instead.


Thats coincidental, Im in Northern Ireland too :rofl:

I know what you mean about the girls. For the benefit of others, ill sum most of them up with an example profile

"rite, nevr no wat to rite these thingsszzs,lookin nice guy,gd craic,luv tha drink lik"

basically, illiterate idiots whose life consists of partying and getting drunk lol. The sad thing is, the way society treats girls these days leads to this. It molds them into attention seekers who never find the need to develop a personality past being "fun", or develop hobbies or interests, and most sad is that this is considered normal. Anything else is seen as a bit weird. It's just accepted that everyone around the age of 20 should be essentially an extroverted party animal with an IQ around 60.

However, I have just seen the profile of a girl who seems great. I wont say our actual interests are the same (cos lets face it, she's a girl, pretty much rules out anything that's more thinking than doing lol), but fundamentaly she's similar. She doesnt drink (I do but not much), doesnt seem to go clubbing alot, has a few hobbies which seem interesting, like cooking, walks, piano, doesnt sound spoilt or arrogant. And i'd give her 7ish for looks which isnt bad. When it comes to looks I basically have a threshold above which I deem satisfactory to potentially message, at which time personality becomes the important factor.
Anyway, point is, because some girls are good, it must be societal influences that churn out such a proportionaly high amount of the bad ones lol.

I've messaged her, but its quite funny a concept, to message one girl at a time alongside the statistics of how many messages they get a day lol. But I do only message girls who I think suit me quite well so maybe the reply chance isnt too bad.

Never had a girl reply back actually, got around 6 or 7 messages from girls where they initiated. However I only really replied to one cos the rest were along the lines of "hey you're cute" or "hey hows you" and im not sure how im supposed to reply lol. The one i did reply to was maybe 7/8 attractiveness-wise and had a good personality, but she flaked after a few messages. I'm thinking maybe because I wasn't decisive enough to escalate things, i.e move to a more intimate topic, or ask for numbers etc.

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PostPosted: 18 Feb 2011, 02:57 
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Fonduman wrote:
basically, illiterate idiots whose life consists of partying and getting drunk lol. The sad thing is, the way society treats girls these days leads to this. It molds them into attention seekers who never find the need to develop a personality past being "fun", or develop hobbies or interests, and most sad is that this is considered normal. Anything else is seen as a bit weird. It's just accepted that everyone around the age of 20 should be essentially an extroverted party animal with an IQ around 60.

However, I have just seen the profile of a girl who seems great. I wont say our actual interests are the same (cos lets face it, she's a girl, pretty much rules out anything that's more thinking than doing lol), but fundamentaly she's similar. She doesnt drink (I do but not much), doesnt seem to go clubbing alot, has a few hobbies which seem interesting, like cooking, walks, piano, doesnt sound spoilt or arrogant. And i'd give her 7ish for looks which isnt bad. When it comes to looks I basically have a threshold above which I deem satisfactory to potentially message, at which time personality becomes the important factor.
Anyway, point is, because some girls are good, it must be societal influences that churn out such a proportionaly high amount of the bad ones lol.

I've messaged her, but its quite funny a concept, to message one girl at a time alongside the statistics of how many messages they get a day lol. But I do only message girls who I think suit me quite well so maybe the reply chance isnt too bad.

Never had a girl reply back actually, got around 6 or 7 messages from girls where they initiated. However I only really replied to one cos the rest were along the lines of "hey you're cute" or "hey hows you" and im not sure how im supposed to reply lol. The one i did reply to was maybe 7/8 attractiveness-wise and had a good personality, but she flaked after a few messages. I'm thinking maybe because I wasn't decisive enough to escalate things, i.e move to a more intimate topic, or ask for numbers etc.

your prettymuch right, i think, in that girls have been given a lot of shit. Despite the fact that I am (hopefully not for long) single, I go down with girls as "nicest guy ever met". And I think to myself "WTF? Has the world gone mad? I think I'm a fucking ASSHOLE".

Literally, I just talk casually. I may flirt, I may discuss things, but I don't consider that "NICE" I consider that being fuckin' human! Just regular basic manners! If thats "nicest ever" than I swear there's been a decline in the quality of human personalities over just the past 20 years.

The thing is tho, so many guys are simply out to fuck somebody that girls take the only stance they can and show no reaction to the majority of guys that present themselves because a lot are probably fed up with us as a whole.

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PostPosted: 19 Feb 2011, 22:06 
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Barely dare to admit it here, but: CAPSLOCK is feeling happy. CAPSLOCK has had a date today that was both fun and a success. Now CAPSLOCK feels entitled to write some tips too. CAPSLOCK don't care what you do with those tips, just hopes that they might be of any use to anyone.

DISCLAIMER: CAPSLOCK is NOT writing this piece of crap to make you go crazy because someone else seems to be succeeding. The only reason I am writing this, is because I sincerely hope it might be of help. Please.. allow some room for the thought that YOU might be able to pull it off.

1. The golden rule in love.
The golden rule in love is: there is no golden rule. What works in one case, miserably fails in another case and vice versa. No doubt, this is precisely the reason why love is such a difficult beast for Aspergers (like me). You cannot pin it down on a set of rules.

2. Goal: getting responses.
Contrary to the OP, I do not believe your goal should be to get as many responses as you can get. You want to get that 1 response you are hoping for. CAPSLOCK received only two responses in four months time.. but the second felt like hitting the jackpot.

3. Picture.
Yes, you must have a picture. Choose an INTERESTING picture. A picture that makes you stand out from the crowd. Interesting does not equals naked torso. Interesting equals you doing something interesting.

4. Profile.
OP says don't be controversial. CAPSLOCK says be as controversial as you are. Your goal is NOT to attract as many girls as you can. Your goal is to catch the attention of that one girl that matches you. So what do you do? Here is a genius idea: tell something about yourself. Something typically you. There is something special about you. Explain what it is.

5. When To Ask Her Out.
Just don't wait too long. In the end, you are not interested in internet conversations, but in real life action. So is she.

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PostPosted: 19 Feb 2011, 22:19 
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CAPSLOCK wrote:
Barely dare to admit it here, but: CAPSLOCK is feeling happy. CAPSLOCK has had a date today that was both fun and a success. Now CAPSLOCK feels entitled to write some tips too. CAPSLOCK don't care what you do with those tips, just hopes that they might be of any use to anyone.

DISCLAIMER: CAPSLOCK is NOT writing this piece of crap to make you go crazy because someone else seems to be succeeding. The only reason I am writing this, is because I sincerely hope it might be of help. Please.. allow some room for the thought that YOU might be able to pull it off.

1. The golden rule in love.
The golden rule in love is: there is no golden rule. What works in one case, miserably fails in another case and vice versa. No doubt, this is precisely the reason why love is such a difficult beast for Aspergers (like me). You cannot pin it down on a set of rules.

2. Goal: getting responses.
Contrary to the OP, I do not believe your goal should be to get as many responses as you can get. You want to get that 1 response you are hoping for. CAPSLOCK received only two responses in four months time.. but the second felt like hitting the jackpot.

3. Picture.
Yes, you must have a picture. Choose an INTERESTING picture. A picture that makes you stand out from the crowd. Interesting does not equals naked torso. Interesting equals you doing something interesting.

4. Profile.
OP says don't be controversial. CAPSLOCK says be as controversial as you are. Your goal is NOT to attract as many girls as you can. Your goal is to catch the attention of that one girl that matches you. So what do you do? Here is a genius idea: tell something about yourself. Something typically you. There is something special about you. Explain what it is.

5. When To Ask Her Out.
Just don't wait too long. In the end, you are not interested in internet conversations, but in real life action. So is she.

CAPSLOCK, your rules - especially #2 and #4 - were exactly my strategy when I was successful with online dating. I was upfront about my personality quirks and if anything I engaged in a bit of self parody to go over the top with it. And that led to all kinds of dates over the course of 7 years from 1999-2006.

However, since then the female to male ratio has gone down the shitter, the quality of the women that are there has gone down the shitter, and once I passed the thirty-y-o mark I guess my unique quirks were less of a turn on.

You still have the right strategy, just make damn sure you find what you are looking for before you reach the age of no return.

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PostPosted: 20 Feb 2011, 05:38 
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I have to disagree with attracting a girl that matches you. Because a lot of times the girls in the profile are nothing like the girls in real life, so take it with a grain of salt. Lets face it, there aren't a lot of girls out there that match up good with us realistically. So you want to limit yourself to a small fraction of the girls that are on there? Its a numbers game, I used to do the same thing and never got dates cause I was limiting myself too much. Some girls turned out better than expected...others worse.

Also you are limiting on girls anyway depending on your standards. For instance you may automatically role out:
-single moms
-fat girls
-ugly girls

That is a good 70% right there. Then you have to rule out girls that don't match you? That is probably another 20%. If you ruled out 90% of women at least in my area, you would literally be left with about 10 girls. What if those 10 girls don't respond?

See what I mean.

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PostPosted: 21 Feb 2011, 16:33 
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Rossini wrote:
-Lie about your incel. Testing it out...every single girl I mentioned to that I was a virgin flaked.

Did they specifically ask about it? What I would try, rather than lying, is avoiding the subject, because otherwise you might give her the impression you are only interested in her because you want sex. And that's not true, is it? :wink:

If she asks how many girls you have had, just say you would rather not talk about it. :wink:

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PostPosted: 21 Feb 2011, 23:14 
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This is good shit, Rossini. No fucking bullshit. Seriously dude, you've got to get a better haircut. Shave your head. You look socially awkward in that pic (and I've seen it before), and I think you have the potential to take your douche up a few notches.


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PostPosted: 26 Feb 2011, 19:10 
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I was able to have an online talk with some of the best looking women (who also seem to be not stupid) in a dating site, even without a picture of me. But they were not a good match for me, neither me for them :) .

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PostPosted: 26 Feb 2011, 23:52 
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justanother wrote:
I was able to have an online talk with some of the best looking women (who also seem to be not stupid) in a dating site, even without a picture of me. But they were not a good match for me, neither me for them :) .

One of the big problems is finding a match. Hardly any girls match up with me in real life or online...in an ideal world I would be able to ignore these girls as I wouldn't be interested. In the real world you have to get what you can get or end up alone forever. Frankly I am fed up with most girls as human beings and maybe would just prefer to be alone.

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PostPosted: 05 Mar 2011, 23:51 
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Maybe you guys are starting to get the right idea! Yes, online dating is rough, but yes, eventually it works!

As Rossini says, you have to be pretty serious about it send messages to lots of women and not get downhearted when things go wrong - or at least not so downhearted that you give up!

Also remember that,

1) If you are seriously LS, you probably need to go on a few dates just to get used to the experience. The first few will feel awful, but knock off some of your rough edges. Remember, this is all about body language and behaviour, hardly at all about appearance!

2) It is fine to fantasise about James Bond's girls (or even Dr. Who's) but faced with a real girl that looks like she needed to use a dating site, don't react too fast, let her work on you! The chances are, she will look nicer as the evening wears on - particularly if you drink some wine - and just about any girl is better than none when you pass 20!

3) I decided that a useful strategy was to message the girls that didn't include a photo, because they would get less responses. Maybe they would be less attractive, but maybe they just wanted to keep their dating activities secret!

4) Don't try to rush your girl into sex. Even if she says yes, neither of you may be ready, and it will just go pear shaped!

5) If you are chatting with girls online, and even meeting the odd one, if you are not too fussy, the odds are very high that you too will have a girlfriend before too long. A lot of being LS, is that you end up with very little contact with girls/women, and it is easy to assume that they all have boyfriends anyway!

FS


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PostPosted: 06 Mar 2011, 00:03 
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PostPosted: 06 Mar 2011, 11:47 
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ukshygirl wrote:
.


Hi, Ukshygirl. :mrgreen:

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