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PostPosted: 30 Jan 2011, 16:48 
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I said get the NUMBER 4 messages in, not meet up 4 messages in.

Most of these women after 4 messages in and after talking for them for a week still flake. I would say if they are acting flaky a week into phone talk/text drop them.


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A generic canned message is gonna get deleted.
Unless you make some change to each one that shows you actually read the profile.

A generic message saying "hey I like your profile."

A girl is going to read it and go....... "yeah and?".........delete.


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LOL @ sending out fuck yous. The girls probably have no idea whats going on and so of course ignore it.

Well what is it about their profile that makes you want to message them? What makes you think you would be good together?


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Probably as boring as the people who do things you think are boring are to you. It's about finding someone with something similar, or as unique who is likely to accept your interests even if they don't actually get them or partake.

There does need to be some similarity or common ground somewhere though otherwise there is nothing to connect over


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PostPosted: 31 Jan 2011, 05:28 
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Jim: For me, the typical flow of an OkCupid message is like this. Certain parts take some customizing, but for the most part, you can copy-paste--
-A title. It doesn't have to be super-creative, because you're making up for that in the message. I use "Eeeeeey."
-"So uh, hi?"
-Some kind of disclaimer, like "I'm not great with intro messages, so bear with me."
-Compliment their profile. "I enjoyed reading it, you come off as intelligent," something like that.
-Comment on something specific. I usually go to a shared musical interest or there are plenty of nerdy girls on there, so that's usually something I mention. If nothing else, you live close to the girls you're messaging, right? Use some kind of local news, or ask about her thoughts on something particular to your area.
-This is where I usually say something like "if nothing else, I'm not opposed to just making a new friend." That way you initially don't come off as another guy just looking for a quick lay. I realize that it's playing with fire even using the word "friend," but it's worked for me so far.
-"I'd love to hear back."
-Some kind of intentionally cheesy pickup line (make it clear that it's intentionally cheesy). That's just something I personally like because, after the considerable amount of text preceding it, it's a nice casual way to end it.

Maybe there's something there that can be of use to you. Of the six girls I've messaged, I've gotten four replies (one currently at 40+ messages each way within two days and the intention of meeting soon, and one at 20+ with some messages near 4000 characters each and the intention of hopefully meeting some day--she lives a good distance away). So something in there must be working. And don't be afraid to be a little wordy. It just makes you stand out from the guys who give "five word replies to every question," as one of them told me.

Hope that helps. Joining OkCupid is probably the best thing I've done for my dating life. Even if it hasn't actually led to a date yet, I've met some great girls and I have two of them who really want to meet me, just knowing me through messages. Good luck.


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I envy your success Rossini! I've only become Facebook friends with 2 girls I met on Okcupid, POF has yielded me no success yet but I only recently started using it.

The first girl I set up a date with and was completely turned off because she did a really good job at hiding how fat she was in all her pictures and I completely lost interest the very moment I saw her in all her chunky glory (seriously ladies, at least be honest about your body type so that us guys who don't like large women can avoid wasting our time talking to you). That ended up being a very awkward and boring date... The second girl, well as I said before it didn't go well and she stopped messaging me the moment I asked for her number.

Back to the drawing board...

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Update:

well apparently I can be creative and still end up ignored by today's standards.

ten messages to various girls in the vein of
"Hey __________,

So what Disney movies do you like? There were a lot of great ones. I'm starting to get into Tron again, haha.

What does MAT stand for? Biology seems like a cool major.

So you play Ukelele, eh? I've been playing acoustic guitar myself for a year now, before that it was bass, 12 years or so. I play in a cover band actually, that goes by the name of ___________. We like playing a lot of classic soul/rock.

I know what you mean about trying to understand people's complexity. I swear sometimes I should have been a sociology major, I think so much about why people think and do things the way they do!

Anyways, I think you have a cool profile and that you'd be a good conversation waiting to happen.

Let me know what you think.

_________"

basically three steps: 1. put up some stupid header like "WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW", 2. take a whole bunch of aspects of the persons profile and question/comment them about it, 3. introduce yourself and see if they want to bother using their fingers to actually have a discussion with you, rather than just open up your messages and stare dumbly at them for half an hour because someone bothered to find out about them.
:facepalm:
this whole dedicated dating site bullshit really fucking blows compared to the experiences I've had with simple generic social networking like facebook or myspace, but facebook is becoming too private, and myspace is just so fucking slow i don't know who would deal with it.


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