IS IT BETTER TO BE MALE OR FEMALE?

I'm kind of new to the forum so apologies if this topic has been brought up before. (Sorry this got so long but I have a lot to say on the subject.)

Been growing more and more preoccupied with the love-shy idea that it's simply better to be female than male in almost every way. So much so that I would choose to be female in a heartbeat. This is not to say I'm one of those "women trapped in a man's body" or want a sex change or anything like that. Just that if God let me go back and do everything over again, I would choose to come back as a girl.

I can't see any downside to being female anymore in western society. Women now dominate in schools, occupy over half the jobs, and can still play the traditional roles of wife and mother if they want. They are put on a pedestal by society and treated better in almost every way. The freedoms they take for granted are ones I will never know. For instance: A woman can choose to work or not work; a man has to work. A woman can dress like a woman or like a man; a man has to dress like a man. A woman doing a "man's" job, like computer technician or engineer, is lauded as a pioneer and example of women's progress; a man doing a "woman's" job, like nurse, dancer or model, is ridiculed. A woman under attack is expected to be defended and assisted; a man under attack is expected to "be a man" or to "man up" and not let anyone push him around. If a woman refuses her "responsibilities" of cooking and cleaning in the home, she is liberated and empowered; if a man refuses his "responsibilities" of being the breadwinner, he is a deadbeat. A woman who argues that men have it better is defending her rights; a man who argues that women have it better is a jealous whiner.

Now you would think with all this extra freedom would come extra responsibilities. But women's responsibilities (as caregiver and nurturer) have actually diminished. Yet there has been no corresponding increase in men's freedom at all (except for homosexuals).

At the risk of exaggerating, I believe being born female is like winning the lottery. You get all the special treatment and privileges handed to you, having done nothing to earn it. You are a higher class of human -- regarded as more attractive, more valuable, more deserving of support and compassion than those without breasts. What do you get by being born male? A shorter life expectancy and greater risk of mental illness, suicide, genetic disorders, alcoholism, social isolation, school dropout, incarceration, much longer prison sentences, etc. No wonder parents selecting the sex of their babies now pick female 75% of the time. In this culture, I would absolutely do the same.

Women have problems too but women's problems are seen as crises by society. Just imagine what would happen if all the homeless men you see in big cities were women. Those women would not be homeless for long. There would be an outcry over how society had let them fall through the cracks and massive efforts to get those women off the street. Already, more social programs and shelters exist for women only than for men, even though men probably account for over 90% of the homeless. Similarly, look at all the attention and funding devoted to breast cancer versus prostate cancer. Both kill equal numbers but prostate cancer gets only a fraction of the attention, for no other reason than that all its victims are male. (So, sorry to say this, but as long as most love-shy victims are male, society is really not going to give a crap.)

Now I realize that for a very long time, it was the other way around. Guys had all the rights and freedoms while women could not have a career or even vote. Some feminists would say modern men deserve to suffer for something that happened before they were even born and which they had nothing to do with... just as girls today somehow deserve special treatment because of past injustices which they themselves will never experience. But does this logic make any sense?

All this eats me up inside because I know that with my temperament I would have made a much better woman than a man. My shyness would be perceived as demure and attractive instead of creepy and unconfident. I could show little or no outward interest in the opposite sex without being seen as gay. I could make a small salary and have no car without it reducing my attractiveness one bit. My low self-esteem would elicit compassion instead of revulsion. I could show more interest in art, culture and psychology than in beer, sports and monster truck rallies without my sexuality being questioned. As a virgin, I'd be seen as pure instead of a loser. Even without approaching anyone, I would get lots of practice at social skills because they would approach me. In short, my life would have been a success instead of a failure.

If any girl should read this and disagree, I'd like to say just be grateful you won the lottery when you were born. Be thankful you dodged a bullet. It could've been so much worse, you really have no idea. I would give anything to be you.

This is extraordinarily depressing. And true.

I put OPs post in the "best of" thread in the open forum. Its all so fucking true.

This is a pro woman's bit of humor found in the writings of a woman.

Adam, Eve and God are discussing the distribution of capabilities and natural inclinations. God says "alright, who wants to be able to pee standing up?" Adam immediately jumps in "me me I want to be able to pee standing up!" God continues "That's fine Adam, then Eve you get to have multiple orgasms"

I don't know if I want to have a period every month, face the possibility of getting pregnant, giving birth and suffering through menopause. Is the grass actually greener on the other side just because mostly men seem to have to do the asking. I have been asked by women, unfortunately, my LS anxiety got in the way, I balked and didn't act on the opportunity. I am not even what I would call especially physically attractive. I try not to regret that I have, actually, turned it down I just try to rectify the situation for the future.
The ugliest and the least well endowed men seem to manage to get sex. I seem only to need to figure out why my anxiety has, at times in the past, pushed me into a nearly catatonic state in order to obtain a resolution.

Right! Because continuously projecting our anxiety, lack of social skills, and "woe-is-me" attitude on either the opposite sex or society is going to fix our problems!

Great post, but I disagree with this. You should not be giving women any concession at all. It is a myth/lie that women had it hard in the past. Were they expected to fight in wars? No, in the past, as today, only men were considered expendable. Were they expected to do difficult and dangerous work? No, they stayed in the relative safety of the home. The only reason women are 'working' today is because todays work is easier.

For us love-shys it is terrible being a man, and being a woman would be easier. But successful men have a great time of it, and much joy, being a male.

I think being a man is great, as long as you garner a reasonable amount of success in sex and relationships.

I would honestly have preferred to have been born a woman.

If I ever have kids, I would absolutely not want to have a son. If for some reason I ended up with a son, I would make every effort to make sure he doesn't turn out to be a nerd. I would also send him to military school in hopes he would become more "alpha".

Thank you Desolate Outcast for a great post. Personally, I prefer life as a male. Your point of view is that mens happiness and worth is judged through how much he is desired by girls. Its the classic LS point of view that youll have to be the "hot guy" or the James Bond that all of your dreams'll come true. I disagree. I am LS and Incel and on rare occasions get a chance to be with a girl. But I think that there is an other way of living than the classic "American dream", if you know what I mean.

My life was saved by a woman, that is, my therapist. Look, everyone got their own vision as what is what they want from life. Others want babies, others want to join the army, etc. If, for example, youd have a baby, that, as a concept, could be good news. But the dark side of the moon that you are ignoring are the loss of money, loss of freedom what 2.00 AM crying baby inflicts.

I am happy to be a man. At least as a man, I can be a part of something greater than I, that is, LS- forum, chessclub, ice hockey season, writers etc. Now a woman couldnt be a member of a chess club: I mean practically 100% of the members are male. No woman can purchase an ice hockey season ticket: she would be harrashed during the whole goddamn thing. Best writers are male.

If I am angry at something, I can show it and be taken for real. Women cant express anger, or roar their pain out like I as a man can. Being masculine man is the greatest gift that an authentic and real man can get. You can yell if you want to shut someones mouth, you can can lift weights and bask in the endorphine high, you can be more social and respected. You dont need to make up, you dont need to be a bedrock of the beauty magazine: you can go out while looking like a pirate.

As a woman, if you get enthustiastic about something, the males will try to hit on you or youd get ridiculed by the "gray dogs" of the group. As a woman there is a greater chance of getting raped. As a woman you'll have to experience perioids and carry a baby inside you. You will have to present the latest updates of the fashion.

Bottom line: If compared to the society, getting a family is much easier for women and harder for men. However, as individuals, men have more freedom.

Yes, this is a reason women often give to try and show they have it the hardest -- the hormones, the cramps, the birthing pains, etc. Yet despite this, there are still way more men wanting to become women than the other way around. Most women definitely do not want to become men, not even to escape the pain of childbirth. For many of them, having a child is the thing they most want in life and they would not give up their ability to get pregnant for ANYTHING. Men don't suffer through pregnancy but neither can they have a child on their own like single women can. A woman can just buy a sperm sample whereas a man must incur enormous expense, hiring a woman to carry the baby to term.

Women face other disadvantages, like greater risk of rape and harassment. But to me, this is comparable to a rich American tourist being more vulnerable to muggings and kidnappings when they visit the Third World. The reason they are targeted is because others want something they have due to their higher status and power. No rich person who's afraid of being mugged or kidnapped would ever give up their wealth and power for that reason. So a woman may be harassed or propositioned as she walks down the street but the average man will be ignored because he is a non-entity that nobody wants anything from. Which one is better off then? The rich tourist in danger of being mugged or the destitute homeless person who can walk those same streets in safety? I know who I'd rather be.

Sad that you chose to blame others, in this case all women, for your troubles. Most people are ignored plenty of them women. You are so focused on your own troubles you can't see the plight of others. I mentioned in a few posts here that I now work as a mental health facilitator and I see peoples troubles all the time many of them women. If you get past what holds you back and start seeing things outside the confines of yourself you will find what you want.
This advice given to you is what I also need to do in order get out of this situation, be well.

Edit: Nothing like leaving a word out that changes the entire meaning of a sentence

OP's post sums up alot of the stuff that runs through my mind often. Welcome aboard, sir.

If you thought I was blaming all women for my troubles, then you misunderstood the posting and I'm sorry for not being clearer. I was just describing how imbalanced society has become, to the point that I would rather be female -- a not uncommon reaction for love-shy males, according to Gilmartin's book.

The idea of men being ignored and not women was shown in the book "Self-Made Man" in which the lesbian author disguised herself and lived as a man for 18 months to see what it was like:


(btw, her conclusion was that if being male used to be a privilege, it certainly isn't any longer.)

You're right, others have problems too, some even more serious than love-shyness, which should remind us to put our own problems in perspective, but that is a whole other discussion.

I understand you're point, but defending women isn't really a crowd favorite here

Okay let's not get off to a bad start cause after all we both suffer from LS. If I misunderstand you than I apologize.
Gilmartin also seems to have a chapter on "Envy of female privileges" too. I really have to get reading his book it looks promising.
I guess I think a victims mentality isn't a useful way to achieve recovery and I don't see much point in blaming women for what society has set as a standard of behavior. We all have to coexist with the rules as they are or suffer the consequences of trying to change them. There is a hard way of doing things and an easier way of doing things, we all get to chose one or more in one lifetime.

So really, be well I will be around to possibly misunderstand you again in the future now that I found this place