well we've pretty much hi-jacked Coyote's thread which I didn't want to do, but she seems to have gone. Besides, I see your last post as the first real "volley of fire" in this debate...
Men may have more intense sexual feelings for 20-something females. I mean, most everyone, men and women, are generally at their peak physical attractiveness in their 20s. I disagree adamantly with the notion that romantic feelings are at their peak in the same demographic.
are you saying that sexual feelings exist completely independent of romantic feelings? I find this to be unconvincing based on my experience. From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense that the two would be combined. Nature wants you to commit to a fertile woman so you will be motivated to commit to her and raise her many babies whilst providing resources. So yea, you will want to fuck her but you will also want to "love" her in that cheesy emo way that art fags write gay songs about. Not that I always turn to evolutionary biology to explain the mating game as many times they are just quacks, but this seems pretty basic common sense to me.
I also don't think we should just succumb to our more base biology, but at the same time I don't deny that as a human I'm basically an animal - a filthy, disgusting creature with primitive desire. I'm not some elitist intellectual who pretends to be above it all. Well I'm above some of it thanks to my logic, but I keep it within reason. Unlike say, ContentedMan, our resident GF, whom I come nowhere near.
SmoothRide seemed to be implying (or I inferred) that because this certain man missed out on dating and relationship experience (and the physical benefits contained therein) during his younger years that somehow love and romance at his age would be pointless. It’s akin to thinking that since I can’t have the experiences that everyone else had, then I’m going to pout and not even try. It’s never good, at any age, to compare your life history with those around you, because there will always be something to covet. It’s best to evaluate your own life and what you want from it.
While I agree with the principle of what you are saying, attraction is a critical part to any relationship and it has nothing to do with what other people are doing. Either you are attracted to somebody or you aren't. Ever since I've hit puberty, I've been attracted to 18 year olds to women roughly in their late 30's. I see no reason why this would change just because I myself am getting older. Some 40+ year olds are hot but they are a minority. Few women remain attractive after that, and even for those that do it pales in comparison to what they looked like in their 20's. You'd be constantly reminded of this every time you looked in her face. I can't see how this wouldn't be depressing - a stark reminder as to what you missed out on. It would kill your motivation to work at a successful long term relationship.
I really think that this is the minority opinion, and that most love-shy men would welcome a relationship at most ages. It seems to me that most love-shy guys, if given the choice, would prefer a woman with exactly the same amount of dating and relationship experience, but also within the same age bracket (i.e., a 40-year-old virgin dude would probably prefer to have a relationship with a 38-year-old virgin lady over a 20-year-old virgin girl).
If you are going to talk about what "most love-shy men would want", you are going to need to cite sources. Even a poll would be better than nothing, however dumb they are. I'm love-shy and I honestly don't give a shit what kind of relationship experience a woman had, so long as she wasn't a doorknob. All I ask is that her sexual experience was mostly confined to men she had an emotional connection to, though I could make concessions based on circumstance. I think many love-shy's would even prefer a girl with more experience, because it'd mean she'd take the initiative, which to a love-shy is very desirable. Either way, I don't think many love-shy's think about age that much, but they do think about whether the woman is attractive. Younger women would likely be more desirable because on average they tend to be more attractive. This was certainly discussed by Gilmartin (/fuggles).
Now obviously both scenarios would be unlikely to occur, but that doesn’t mean you can’t strive for that goal. Dating someone who was approximately your same age, and who only engaged in relations in the confines of a long-term relationship, seems completely reasonable to me, whereas dating someone who was ridden like the town bike seems incompatible. If given the choice, would you really rather have a quick fling with some hot 20-something strumpet, or a lasting relationship with someone maybe older?
First off, why the massive dichotomy? Why is the girl in her "twenties" automatically the "town bike" and the older woman nice and chaste? I'd think a late 30 year old is far more likely to of been a "town bike" than an average 25 year old who hasn't had time to rack up that kind of erm, experience. Forget for a second about the concept of a slut in general though. If the goal is equivalent relationship experience, than a 35+ year old love-shy male is far more likely to find it with a 25 year old than a 35 year old female. Chances are good that the older woman has had AT LEAST two more long relationships than the younger woman. At that age, that can be significant because those relationships tend to be more serious, almost like marriage.
But to answer the question, I'd rather have a lasting relationship with someone that I'm attracted to physically, preferably while she still has several more years of attractiveness left, and all other factors are irrelevant. Yes, part of this is to enjoy a few years of copious unadulterated sexual fun with a hawt chick in her prime (I'm human, sue me), but everybody gets old and withered. It just happens much more quickly with a 38 year old than say, a 25 year old. The younger woman allows much more time for the relationship to evolve into something deeper, which provides a foundation for old age when the early "spark" of youthful attractiveness is gone. This is not a phase you can simply bypass, not without a lot of bitterness.
Hell, I'm 25 and already very bitter about how much I've missed, but I still have a decent amount of years to get a woman who has many years of attractiveness left. So I'm technically "salvageable", but 10 or 15 years from now I doubt that will be the case. At that point (if I haven't offed myself) a relationship with somebody my age could be preferable to loneliness, but it'd hardly be anything to get too excited about. You aren't going to be building a life with anybody at that age, seeing as you lack the shared experience.
I have taken my time to read empty caldera's posts on LS and two things are clear as day:
a) he is totally insane
b) he is incredibly intelligent.
Newsflash: EVERYONE acts in their own interests and do things to get the approval of others. The idea that men because they appear to be good fellows are calculating people who do every little thing to get people to like them is feminist propaganda.
03/03/10 + 03/18/10