I do not make many new conversations/threads, but this one I think is important.

A couple of weeks ago, a girl who openly asked me out had to leave in November to a distant town in my state - due to issues of job/home/etc. Stuff that is affecting many in this terrible economy - so it is not like she had much of a choice. Anyhow, she has come back. I know that she is eight years younger than I am, and that we get along really well for being so different in age. And tonight, I just found an oddball among of courage to do something about it. All along I kept thinking, "find someone your age." But this restrictive thinking is just another excuse for me to not take this opportunity.

Anyhow, I sent her a message on facebook to see if she is still seeing anyone. I know this is nothing, but for me it is a step I've never taken before. I'm calm - I'm not sweating like rainstorm when I groveled to my oneitis. We already know each other. She doesn't ignore me; instead at work she comes and finds me. I feel like if rejection happens or if this does not work out that I have no regrets about my decision. Of course, she probably is more experienced than I am, but she seems to have a genuine patience and maturity about her I've never seen in other girls. Most of them seem to need someone to keep them energized all the time. I could be wrong, but if I am right - this could be my Rossini moment.

I'm not giving too many details just yet as I do not know what her response will be. Still, I'd like to post anything that happens - within reason of course. I'm optimistic, but I feel that leaving my oneitis in the dust has given me a second chance at life to stop fantasizing and really look for those who are closer to me in interests and not just looking for a pretty face. She is beautiful in her own way. That's all that matters. And again, if this turns out to be a rejection, at least I gave it a try.

Good luck with this mate. You seem to have the right attitude about it. If it works out, great. If not, you gave it a go, at least.

ahh throw the age out the window, live the dream! just the other day I saw a middle aged man with a hot 30-something woman. Do it big!

Good luck to you! Hope it works out, the forum seems to be on a roll as of late. Perhaps that luck will rub off on you.

age can sometimes be an issue, but you should ask yourself in this case which is more important: a relationship with a great girl or an imaginary barrier? rhetorical ofc

i personally am very skeptical of girls that seem nice and mature. however, the experiences that have let me to this skepticism originate mainly on dating sites so perhaps you have a good chance after all. gl

Are you kidding? This is a first step that not many people are willing to take. Congrats.


Sounds like a good thing. Good luck.

I sincerely hope that you can post yet another succes story in the immediate future.

Well, she has messaged me saying that she'd like to hang out. Of course, I could be inviting myself into another friendzone relationship, but I'd like to see how far this goes. Can't actually post anything until we have a "date" per se.

I'm optimistic for you. But tread with caution. I don't want to see you falling into oneitis like i did.

Way to go! You're already going farther than I have.
Good luck!

Just wanted to update this thread and say that I haven't bothered calling her in weeks. Her family is full of turmoil with her brother, mother, etc etc. She has a genuine interest in me, but I cannot say what we have is more than a good friendship. I've learned from this that I prefer being alone. Trying to make even a simple relationship work is not something I'm interested in doing. I tried to setup following lunch dates, and they all failed to my busy schedule and her family crises. Maybe it was her way of saying that she changed her mind about me.

No matter, we are still friends, and that's probably all it ever will be.

From what I've read it sounds like she's interested. Things just may not be super convenient for her right now. If she has a genuine interest in you and has asked you out in the past then chances are that even if she does consider you "just a friend" she could very well be doing it for the same reasons as you. If you're thinking to yourself that she's not really showing the obvious signs of attraction and defaulting to friend status out of preservation she's probably feeling the same thing.

If there is something there then I say pursue it! (I know, easier said than done) But this kind of a risk can lead to such a rewarding experience...and you think of her as a woman you'd like to pursue romantically as it stands anyway, it doesn't seem like there's much there to be lost if she doesn't feel the same.

P.S. Sorry if I came off as insensitive...I'm not love-shy, I'm actually a huge extrovert and am interested in a guuy similar to yourself so I don't mean to be pushy or uncaring but, hunny, you make your own happiness and it sounds like this girl could make you happy.

Sometimes the obvious must be stated.

Yeah, I know I have a golden opportunity so to speak. And I let life get in the way because I've always put myself first - trying to get a real job and move out of this hell hole of a town.

Nevertheless, I'm taking my time with this "relationship" and she seems to share a similar super slow approach. Though there is a Halloween party coming up. Who knows what that bring about.

Just don't trap yourself by getting to a point where you get in your own way byt clinging to the idea of what you think will happen and how it should happen.
Maybe her super slow vibe is her response to you, trying to keep from overwhelming you based on the vibes you're sending out. I'd bet that if you sped things up a bit she'd likely be responsive.

Well on the last road trip together, we came to a mutual decision for this to be slow. Perhaps she does know me or guys like me. I don't see a rush; if it's meant to be, it's meant to be no matter how fast we go. Perhaps normal guys would go for third base, but I play it safe. It's my ball game and this is how I play it.