Right, now that we've got that down, I'd like to ask for some help. Now, I know this may seem strange, but I'm operating under the assumption that many of you here are older and wiser than me, and are thus much better equipped to deal with problems of the female mind than myself.
So, I'm graduating from high school this year, just a little older than most of my classmates, and I'm looking forward to moving out into the world. This last year's been a bit of a social explosion for me, but I'm still not that handsome, not exactly confident, and definitely not charming or seductive. Oh yeah, and I also got embroiled a bitch of a caustic relationship over the summer and after nearly being raped, I've kind of got a thing about being skittish near women. Affectionate women doubly so.

But then M enters the stage. She's a sophomore, and she's kind of been all about me for the last couple of months. I didn't even catch wind of this until she started hitting on me over text messages a couple weeks ago. When I talked to my friends about it, several came back with anecdotes about her gushing endlessly about me or wanting to find out more about me or track down as many ways to contact me as possible. Bam. Red flag right there. She's really starting to creep on me, and to be honest she's really not my kind of girl. Suppose it doesn't help that no one else is that into me right now.

But I really don't want to just tell her to bugger off. I've been in her place before, as I suspect many of us have, pining away for someone who doesn't seem to know you exist, and it's terrible.

Sorry if this sounds like a whole mess o' first world problems, but I could use some help, and I figure that you guys might know a way to handle this while not destroying the poor girl's ego.

I don't think you can get rid of this woman without hurting her feelings or her ego, but the answer is simple:

Ignore her completely.

Works great for me with my oneitises, but then I am not doing it intentionally, of course.

I have a 100 percent success rate, if you want to call not being with a woman you adore, a success.

It's quite simple really, I shall answer your question with a story.

About 3-4 years ago, I was just out of high-school and approaching life with an enthusiasm not unlike your own. The world was my burrito, oyster, chocolate eclair, whatever food metaphor you want to use. I had a great job and even greater friends. So I'm at this concert right? And I'm in the process of dancing the night away when all of a sudden I see this girl walk by. She was stunning, I had to find out more about her. So I followed her to wherever she was going and when she got there I asked her to dance. So we started dancing, and exchanged numbers and she took off for the night, we went our separate ways. Over the course of a few weeks I texted back and forth with her, we flirted, exchanged information, added each other on facebook. And eventually another concert came up that we were both going to, so we decided to meet there. But before the concert happened I was at the mall, and I happened to notice her following me around. At first I thought it was just a coincidence but then it started to get creepy as she followed me all over town. So I texted her and asked what she was doing and she just said she was at home watching tv. Red flag right? Right. So I'm presented with a problem of going to this concert with this crazy stalker chick. I already bought my ticket and wasn't going to miss the show so I just decided to stop texting her and hope I didn't run into her. Well I did. I just said my phone wasn't working and brushed it off as smoothly as I could. But she wound up spending the entire concert with me. So we're standing in line to get some water when she asks me if she can borrow three fifty. Three dollars and fifty cents. And that's when I realized this hot stalker chick wasn't a hot stalker chick at all, it was that god danged lock ness monster trying to get three fifty from me again. I said "You get out of here monster! I already told you I ain't givin you no three fifty!" So she comes back with "What about two fifty?" I replied, "Ohh so now it's two fifty?! Go on now get the hell out of here I ain't givin you no money!" But she kept persisting, so eventually my friend gave her three fifty and she took off. As it turns out, he'd been giving her three fifty every time she asked just because she was so persistent so I tell him "Well of course she'd gonna keep coming back if you keep givin her three fifty!" and all he had to say for himself was "She tricked me." I couldn't even believe it. All this time it was my damn friend that was the reason she was following me all around town. So I had a choice to make, keep my firend and keep putting up with her antics, or ditch my friend. So I ditched my friend, actually that night at the concert. I was his ride home so IDK how he got home actually. Must've bummed a ride with someone but I haven't seen or heard from him since. Then boom about 5 months ago, saw him on the news, he'd been robbed stabbed and left for dead behind a seven eleven. My conscience got the better of me and I went to see him at the hospital. Turns out he'd gotten a ride home with the tour bus of the artist and actually gotten a job as a roady or part of the road crew. His new job took him all over the country and he got to experience all sorts of crazy things. Sex drugs and techno, you know. Well turns out in the process he'd become addicted to cocaine. So he got fired and hitchhiked back home. Made it to seven eleven where he got mugged. So now we're friends again. As for the crazy stalker chick, well I haven't seen her since my friend went off with them that night. Although the other day he did ask me for three fifty... come to think of it, he does seem different.

Yes, my young friend, I have been in your situation before. I sense an irony in how this girl's actions correlate with mine occasionally but that is irregardless to my actual point. A creepy stalker is nothing to set your panty hos on fire about.

There really isn't any need for bloodshed, you should do it with a little more finesse. If you can slip a pill into her drink at lunch then it avoids an awful lot of mess.

It's an intriguing story to be sure, but do you really think she's following you all around town just for $3.50? I mean, the gas would already top the potential profits.

It's a dilemma that many females have. Be a bitch to everyone which is not nice, or be nice to everyone and have people start interpreting interest.

The way I do it is only incidentally to my preferences. I don't make myself available, I don't go out, I never see them again. At university it was a bit harder, but I wouldn't hang around after or before classes much, I would go to my lectures, my tutorials, go home.

I know right? It doesn't make any sense. It's like griefing IRL

Sleep with her, and dump her.

Problem solved.

Haha, that is genius!

Although the girl is hot. She doesn't need a mask.

My god that's beautiful. Sadly, I don't think I'll be able to use it, because lo and behold, my problem's stopped. Ignoring her's kind of what's been happening for the last few months, so I took a new approach. I feigned interest and another girl.
And it worked perfectly.
But thanks guys!

That is one bizarre story that leaves no conclusive endings and I am not convinced it was she who was stalking you. There is someone, I've never seen her, who apparently looks exactly like me.

Ahh...




You all just got trolled. Hard.

"Mr. Loch Ness monster......that's when I got suspicous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Love that movie