It happened once, and I found myself looking for excuses not to reciprocate. I'm a nervous person in unfamiliar and difficult situations. I think a lot of guys who are successful must have a less developed pre frontal cortex. Nothing holds them back; they do impulsive stuff and don't look back.

I'm never completely at peace unless I am alone. An empty world is paradise to me.

Based on past instances where women made something resembling an advance... they were pretty awkward situations, and I had known them for a time beforehand so it's not like they were strangers. The closest reaction I have is indifference, but it's more that I already know nothing is going to happen so I best not get involved and spare everyone the agony. Not only that, but I wouldn't exactly know what to say or do to fulfill her wishes. My guess is that it's impossible anyway and that they're mistaken about what I am, and naturally whenever I did act on perceived interest in the past the womens' interest quickly evaporated.

I'm not pretty and don't have anything going for me, and I am well aware of this. I'd be immediately suspicious if someone I didn't know suddenly came on to me. In principle I'm not opposed to women approaching me, but for obvious reasons that won't happen when better men are eager to work them, and more women set themselves up to be used by said men, and finally even if they did approach me, I would have nothing to offer nor have I felt any desire for anyone in quite some time beyond a base craving that I would do best to abandon. Honestly I would prefer to be the proposer, simply because women are bad at it for the most part, and not good judges of character; but since I'm also terrible at courting and judging women, that puts me in a bind. Plus I loathe the idea of having to force everything along myself, and hate submissive women severely.

Why aren't these getting picked. Its they really think.

I would be so nervous that I could not respond.

I'm usually fine when she makes the first move, my problem is getting over the starting line, when she initiates it takes a lot of pressure off me, and I can function fairly normally, I'm still nervous but its more controllable, for me going up to a woman I find attractive is like being on a very demented let's make a deal hosted by Monty Halls' psychotic brother, one door might have a clown with a flamethrower, another door could have a honey badger that will tear your nuts off and the third has a freight train speeding at you, all while the audience is laughing at you because you're wearing nothing but a pink tutu, that is the best way to describe what it feels like to me.

I thought this was a new thread, at first.
My views haven't changed and I'd still be interested to read more thoughts on the results in terms of guys seeming to prefer to initiate themselves?

The best would be really where things seem to happen naturally and where both parties take part of the initiative. As for me i don't really approaching, if i really like someone i might do it (and have done so in the past) but she has to respond favorable.

I voted "Men's section I would be overjoyed and respond positively. My problems just might be over!" That's assuming I was attracted to the person. And I'd probably still respond clumsily and without confidence. I still have to learn how physical intimacy works.

I still say women should approach more. Yes I've done it myself and yes I've been rejected lots of times.

Apparently it's not what we really think, at least not members of this forum.

I was approached by two girls, but not for being asked out! in both cases me and the girl made lots of eye contact from across the class and I think it was pretty obvious that I was interested in her, but I never brought myself to overtly approach the girls. finally after a few classes of looking at each other the first girl came over and asked if I wanted to group up with her, I was totally blown away with the girl I thought was really hot asking me personally to couple up with her so I just said": "waat" really slowly and the girl said: "oh so you don't want to" and I freak out and in front everyone in class I hysterically said: "NO NO I do I do ". I felt pretty embarrassed but also happy that she approached me, but ultimately even though we went on a date my insecurities overtook me and I stopped seeing her after the class ended. I kept thinking she was just being nice to me, since a rejection before her had pretty much destroyed my self confidence. in retrospect I think she was genuinely into me and I just lost my chance, a lesson for me not to psych myself out.

If past returns are indicative of future results, then “I would be dumbstruck or so nervous that I could not respond.” Mostly the dumbstruck part though, as I’m usually able to at least mouth something stupid.

I am not sure about what "approach" entails, is it approaching someone you don't know much? or all kind of situations where you ask someone out or just come clear regarding your intentions?

If it's the second one, well I've approached around 10 times or so, between high school and uni, and it wasn't successful at all. So right now, I don't know. I tried to be more "physical" with a guy I liked last year, but I'm very clumsy and I don't have this inner feeling of sexuality that most people have. Just touching his hair required a lot of efforts, and I felt like stupid. It didn't have the desired effect anyway. I didn't tell him clearly though, and after being rejected by the guys I really was in love with, now I'm more on the cautious side. I would try to have things to develop naturally, even though they never do.

What does it even mean for things "to develop naturally?" That is a serious question.

There've been a handful of times I _wanted_ to push the boundaries physically, but my severe anxiety (almost like another person) kept me at bay. If I wasn't anxious and went for it, would that have been natural?

There've been fewer times I did get physical, but it wasn't sexual at all. More supportive. I don't think that counts, even though it did feel "natural" and right.

There've also been times I kinda forced myself, if only to get over my anxieties. Argh. This is so hard.

Some of the male options actually apply to what I think.

"I would suspect a prank or a setup, and turn her down."

^Quite a few times this has happened, (sometimes by the spite of my friends) which also makes me cynical to approach a guy aswell as if a guy approaches me, I think it's a joke

"I would be dumbstruck or so nervous that I could not respond."

^ This relates to the one above aswell. If they were serious, then I would be stunned that they were actually interested in me, I'd go stiff, quiet and probably make a encuse and scarper! Like why me?


I am attempting to fight my inner shyness to approach a guy right now, but as he's shy too. It's a battle, and difficult to know whether he's interested back.

I think It's safe to say that I'm far beyond "damaged" at this point; and the damage is far beyond "repair" (if such a thing even exists). Even if a girl did manage to show interest in me, I'd feign disinterest. Hell... 99.98% of the girls on these dating sites fail to interest me now. I can go through hundreds of dating profiles in a matter of half an hour and still not find a single one that would pull at my heart strings.