Hi,

I realise this is quite a male dominated forum but here I go.

I'm Cherrystar and i'm 24 and female. All the way through school, I was very quiet and had only female friends. Having a guy friend pretty much scared me! I think I had/have undiagnosed SA. I was always a girl who didn't speak in class, very embarrassed when asked things, never asked for help and had only a couple of close friends. All the way during school, I never had any boyfriends. And from reading around this site, I now believe I had oneitis towards a guy for at least the last 4 years of secondary school. Such an intense crush which I knew wouldn't be reciprocated.

I went to Uni for three years, my best mate had three boyfriends during those years. Not through a lack of wanting to say something or do something to a guy I liked through uni, came out the other end without doing anything. Also uni is a time to experiment and try things, my experience was more all in my mind of things I would LOVE to have done, but being scared witless to actually do anything. I did manage to have couple of snogs during uni but I was completely drunk those few times as it was the only way I felt comfortable doing it.

A lot of what I want to do, I have zero confidence to do sober. I've never been able to chat to a guy, let alone get their number or even successfully flirt with a guy. I currently really like a guy at work, who is very shy and from the way he acts, I'm assuming, like me, he's love shy too. And I have no plan on what to do, or how to make it known I like him

There you go, I am a quiet 24 year old female whose had three drunken snogs, no other male contact, and is still a virgin.

Thank you for listening...

That's a really nice avatar.

Welcome to the board . Beware that there are a lot of politically incorrect opinions on women floating around here, and lots of us are very frustrated. I hope you have thick skin; otherwise you won't last long around here.

As to your situation. I can see only one solution: willpower. If you like him and he doesn't approach, you are going to have to force yourself to do something even if that goes against every fibre of your social anxiety. If all else fails, e-mail him, text him or call him; that should be a lot less scary than trying to chat him up in real life. Or get drunk on a company party or something and chat him up then. That's all I can say.

Another option, besides him being LS, is that he might just not be into you. I hope this is not the case. I know all too well how terrible rejection feels. It's all I know .

I second this:



However, even though people here can be a little bitey, they're (mostly) rather sweet once you settle in and hash out the major differences. Thick skin, etc. Welcome in!

Welcome.

One question, you never had man/boys intrested in you but you were to shy to reciprocate maybe?

Welcome to the forums Cherrystar, one question; snogs?

I have quite a thick skin, and I realise I am a minority here. But we all share the same problems, and that's what I'm here for. I'm rather frustrated too! Too many missed opportunities, due to being like this.

Been trying to force myself to say something, but there's just a big invisible barrier that stops me. And I do seem to turn into a frozen human if I happen to share my break with him. Call it womans intuition, (read about the net from signs of shy guy flirting) and a previous incident where my manager has asked me what I think to him, randomly during a shift (the guy was not working that day though). Half of me really doesn't want to say something in case I end up embarrassing myself in front of all my colleagues, and him.



Never really had much if any, many always saw my friends first. Probably because I was a wall flower and as my friends were more confident, they stood out more. But one guy at uni, I just had that invisible barrier again, nothing happened.

I've been there, but thankfully, you don't have to continue like this. I used to be extremely socially inactive to the point of phobic and the thought of a woman actually expressing interest in me made me feel sick. I've now overcome this and if you want to read my story, I have posted it HERE

And then THIS happened.

It should be easier for you because you're a girl and shouldn't need to approach, so you just need to get rid of your fear of reciprocation. However, if in a couple of years (yes, it will take that long, maybe longer) you are still interested in this shy guy, you are going to need to learn how to approach, which could take even longer.

To put it into perspective, it took me almost ten years to overcome my social anxiety, but only about two or three of those I consciously tried. It has now been three or four years since I started my battle with loveshyness. About a year and a half ago, I considered myself able to reciprocate interest, and then worked on expressing it. I'm still slightly anxious about it, but it is what I would consider 'normal' anxiety.

Welcome.

trying a datingsite might also be an option for a shy woman like you if you haven't already, i know there are a lot of guys on there who are just looking to get laid but there must be some decent men (like some of the guys on here who try online dating) on there too

I have looked at a few but don't really want to put a face picture on, in case someone I know finds out, that I'm on one. I registered to one a few years ago, but never posted a face picture either. Chatted to a few people, but couldn't bring myself to actually meet anyone. It's a lot safer and easier to chat via a computer screen, rather than face to face. Plus a lot less embarrassing or pressurised.

A friend used one locally, and found a really nice guy. But she is a lot more confident than I am.

Hello and welcome to love-shy.com, Cherrystar.

I would agree with the idea that dating sites are your best bet. It has become socially acceptable for people to meet online, so there really is little to fear from people finding out. However, if you are that worried about it you can always list your residence somewhere else, say from a larger city within an hour or two from where you actually live. That way locals are unlikely to find you, but people within a reasonable driving distance will.

Also, if you list that you are a shy girl looking for a shy guy with little to no dating or sexual experience, I promise you will find tons of guys who fit the bill. 1.5 out of every 100 men are love-shy, according to Gilmartin. And online dating is really their only option to meet women, so they are there... Unfortunately, you'll also receive tons of interest from player types who would love to take your virginity as a conquest thing, but with a little effort they will be fairly easy to ferret out.

You should PM the Gimmickist, who has been doing a lot of research into online dating lately and made some amazing discoveries. He could help you formulate a winning strategy I am sure.

It's limey for "make out". Other clues (besides "Location: England") that the OP hails from that part of the world:

Cherrystar says	Americans would say
realise	realize
uni	college
best mate	best friend/pal
scared witless	scared out of my mind
snogs	make-outs

However, as evidence of the cultural homogenization effect of the Internet, she said some things that 20 years ago I would have considered as characteristically American:

Cherrystar says	Brits would traditionally say
guy	bloke
around	round
a lot of	lots of/loads of
flirt with	chat up
hi	hello

I bet some of our other many UK posters can identify other things in the OP's writing that were originally Americanisms because they sound a bit "off".

If they actually cared, that is. God my life is pathetic.

Is that anything like this "Mr. Bitey":

Hey welcome! I'm not sure I have much thoughts other than try to take your time and settle in here and don't feel rushed or let people pressure you too much on account of being a female poster.

Don't let us scare you off, well, unless you're secretly a troll, then you might want to take off.

But if not, then yeah, I have social anxieties myself as does my closest friend (female), so I'm quite familiar with how that could impact even females in having trouble finding the right guy. When you have phobia of interacting with people, you can even be quite attractive, but it's kind of self sabotage.