I don't think she's crazy. I don't think she stays with you because she thinks you're rich, after two years it's unlikely that she is totally deluded about you.

You're afraid she might leave you because you don't propose, but are you sure she thinks about that right now? And if you tell her clearly that so far you don't want to commit, it's way better than leaving in these limbos of incertitude.

You seem convinced that you're worth nothing, which is normal after all those years of solitude, but you have to work on that if you want to be able to enjoy what you have right now. Keeping in mind that you may envy the guys who are players, but it takes even more self-confidence and a totally different attitude than yours to be able to be so. I understand the appeal of it, but I think you have to try being content with what you have and work on what is missing for you to be content with your current situation.

It's understandable you'd feel like you're worth nothing, as you've been shat on all these years. It's disheartening to hear that finding a girl doesn't necessarily help your self esteem, I was worried that curing my incel wouldn't solve everything, but lead to a set of new problems.

I can't give you any advice at all. Never been in that situation. I don't know what your needs are. I don't know what needs you're looking to have met. I don't know what it is that you want. You haven't made this clear. Obviously you don't know either. It's a bit like hearing someone say, "I've won a million pounds and don't know what to do with it."

Elrond,
Reading your story gave me chills, because it's eerily similar to what happened to me ... only I took the next step and got married. Big mistake on my part. A marriage based on the fear of being alone will not work! I'm not saying it would be the same for you, because you don't indicate the sort of rapport or intimacy there is between you and your girlfriend, but my advice is similar to CAPSLOCK's: TALK IT OVER WITH HER! You need to get everything out into the open ... what she expects versus what you expect. In hindsight, I didn't do that, and payed big-time for it. Plus I did some lying to myself about our relationship ... all because I feared that she was as good as it would get. It took a few years, but our marriage finally dissolved to the point where we were always walking on eggshells talking to each other. Small things that we disagreed on turned into big arguments. And we had a child. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter dearly, but when you hear that having children changes your life, that is an understatement.
And like ieatboogers says, forget the LS aspect. Find out if this girl is the right one. Even if not a "soul mate" (if such a thing exists), but at least someone with whom you can have a decent conversation and share the same interests. HONEST COMMUNICATION. I learned the hard way that that is the key. If you fear having this conversation with her, fight through the fear ... trust me, it will save you much heartache. Hope this helps.

You need to figure out a few things:

1. Why _IS_ she attracted to you, when you yourself find it odd? Something is afoot
here, but I have not been able figure out what it is. How is her self-esteem?

2. How do you really feel about her? Do you love her in a romantic way,
or just as being a good person?

3. Do you wish to marry her, or even be married at all to her, or perhaps to another woman?

4. Do you wish to have children? Most women cannot live without having children, and
sooner or later, this issue will come up one way or another.

As for your LS, you can probably manage to decrease it to a good extent, over time, but its my belief
that none of us can, or ever will be, completely normal in that area. Its just something that you will
have to learn to live with, like lots of conditions humans have to live with.

By the standards of this forum, you are a very lucky man, as far as I can see, at least.

Stop comparing yourself to "everyone else". If she makes you happy then stick with her. Maybe there is no-one else and if there is, who cares. You already are agonizing at how much less experience you are than hypothetical asshole, well, its going to be even less if you kick her to the curb thinking you just had to know what was behind door number 2.

If all the girls in the world rejected me for over a decade and then one girl likes me, what's more likely? That all of the other girls are crazy and I'm actually attractive, or that the one girl who likes me is crazy?


No idea what she sees in me. Other girls probably think she's nuts. She's kinda shy herself, maybe that's it?


She's pretty, kind, a good friend, and she makes my loins tingle. Other men look at her with desire and sometimes try to chat her up. She's far too good for me.. the main reason why I worry about what the hell is going on.


Sure, I wouldn't mind being married and having kids.. with the right girl. On one hand I feel worried that she'll be stolen away or come to her senses and leave, and on the other hand I'm reluctant to commit cause I feel like I deserved more than just one girlfriend in my life and maybe there is something better out there.. I got one girl so I could get another?


I know

Yes, that is a possibility, but there are different kinds of shyness too.

Have you ever asked her why she likes/loves you and likes being your girlfriend?

Do you think that she might be in love with you, even if she has not told you so?






That's all good stuff to know about her, and that most men here would kill for, if it had happened to them, but for most of us "Ms. Right" never came along.

You are one lucky man, and I mean that. So far, what you have described is much like what happened to people long ago who became boyfriend and then husband to the best woman they could and she sounds like a very nice woman to me, according to what you have told us about her.

When you say that she is "far too good for you", that indicates that you have some self-esteem issues that you really need to deal with, IMO.

The fact is that she DID choose you for a reason and/or reasons, that may be unclear at this time.

But you haven't answered my real question: Do you love her as a man, in a romantic way?

I am not speaking of sexual attraction or lust; I mean the "you would die to save her life" kind of love.






If you are a love-shy man who hasn't overcome some of this awful disorder, then it will be very hard to find another women, particularity a woman as nice as the one you have right now. What I wouldn't given to have met a woman like that
when I was your age. Sometimes in life good things happen. Perhaps she sees something in you that you cannot see yourself, for now.

Fact is its normal for most men to want to sleep with other women, but as a love-shy man, you don't have the same choices other men do. What would it gain you to dump her, on the off-chance that you _might_ meet someone better?

Has she given you some reason to believe that she would be unfaithful to you?

And even more to the point, do you trust her? A relationship cannot be built unless there is trust first.

More questions:

1. How long have you been a couple now?

2. How many, if any, boyfriends has she had?

3. Has she ever told you that she loves you, or you her?

Uh, Elrond, oncebitten55 is probably not the best guy to quote to heart. He'd one of the older members here and has confined himself to prostitutes and womanizing (one night standing dumb shits) so unless you absolutely feel you can follow him up that creek, I encourage you to think about closing the deal with one woman. You did say you were attracted to her in the beginning and the two of you were exchanging signals but you in your fashion did nothing and she eventually found a way to ask you out through your sister, am I right? So what are you talking about acting as though some random person forced this relationship on you?

The rest of you, this is what I mean when I say, even you guys don't like the girl asking you out. You may not think, but that is exactly what you have all said through this thread. Other threads agree but take a good long look.

One thing I dont get is how WOMEN in LTRs know they are never number one. I mean, they can't be - all guys want to be with lots of women...

I don't think all guys want to be with lots of women, actually. Maybe a majority wants to fuck around, but when it comes to actual relationships, I think a part of men are happy with one woman, once they passed the teenagehood and given that they're not immature party-goers.

And anyway, what would you expect women to think? "I'm with him but he wants to fuck around", I wouldn't stick with a guy if I had this mindset, personnally. I would live in fear and anguish he's screwing around, and there is no way I would live with such a burden.

i'd listen to dsea. you shouldn't be trying to decide whether or not something is good purely by comparison with other things. you may want to talk to her about why she gets impatient without marriage. everything within marriage can be achieved without it: why is she dissatisfied without it? be cautious about marriage. the legal, official kind, anyway. it's designed to ruin your life, these days, unless the girl is 100% a good person, and will continue to be.

you aren't a shmuck if you go after what makes you happy, and get it.

I haven't been with a prostitute since 1992, and I have had a number
of LTR's, Odalis, including living with women. I have been in love and I
am a man who can well give advice to a fellow LS, which you as a woman
cannot understand.

BTW, I also go through long periods or dry spells when I don't. feel like
having women in my life or dating. You haven't been here long enough
to know my story very well to make such statement about me to a newcomer.

Elrond, dating hasn't cured your LS because you haven't actually dated.
If you were dating, that implies that you've actually gone out, approached multiple women, set up dates, etc.
By the way you described it, you caught a lucky break because someone else did the hard work for you and set you up with your current girlfriend.

If I were you, I would stick with her at all costs, unless you're truly motivated to cure your LS and get out there, put yourself on the line and approach many women, get rejected many times, until you get comfortable with the dating scene and can then find the woman of your dreams. It's up to you. I wish you luck! Be grateful for what you have.

I dont think you understand the male sex drive. Its not a choice.