I thought that love shyness was almost the same as, specific social phobia.

But that is perhaps not the case?

When I read about what some of you can do, or what is dificult, and also Latorradora's mans inabilities, and I compare with my own experiences
I start to realise that is not the same.

Are there any of you here with social anxiety?

social anxiety = anxiety from any social activity
love shy = anxiety from performing the male gender role when it comes to finding/asking/pursuing women

LS is a very specific form, with a unique cause separate to that of social phobia. There is a correlation for the two to exist together. However, it is possible for someone to be very sociable and confident in every situation except that linked to sexuality.

@ Darwin

That sounds true to me, but I feel like the users answering my other thread fears being rejected rather than being evaluated and critizeed.

Many of them says that it losens up when they know its reciprocal, but my man only gets even more stagefright.
He is not comfortable in his gender role with me. It seams to me that the more ready I get, the more afraid he is. It feels to me that he is afraid to perform rather than that I don't love him.

Encouragement is thereby not the "weapon of choice" Approval of his actions works better.

Hope you get what I feel is different, or is it just down to it's all individual?

Social anxiety is like an umbrella title for everything social. Loveshyness is merely a form of social anxiety just like DSR is a form of socialisation. A person can be completely social and the life of the party, but still freeze when it comes to women. The difference between social and romantic shyness is not restricted just to loveshyness either. I know a guy who, while not very LS, was still afraid to ask a girl out that he had his mate text her, yet he is definitely a very social person.

However, if you have general social anxiety, you are going to still be LS.

Pretty much this. I suffer from both.

Socializing with strangers is very difficult for me. I like to speak with conviction and small talk, a necessary component of socialization, is the opposite of that. My bar for friendship is pretty high. People call me their friend after having met me once and I look at them sideways and think "WTF?"

I don't have a problem speaking to strangers if I have a reason to. Like if I need directions or the time or whatever.

Despite my social anxiety I do make good friends. Even female friends. And they enjoy spending time with me. Because I'm so awesome.

Love shyness (what I prefer to call romantic anxiety) is something different. It is the fear of expressing sexuality. I consider looking at women "in that way," flirting, physical contact, etc to be expressions of sexuality. And I just haven't developed the wiring for it yet.

And the handful of times I've been on the receiving end, I freeze up and panic.

does he know for certain that it is reciprocal? anything that leaves potential for uncertainty is enough to cause inaction. And even when he knows it is reciprocal, don't expect him to pursue. He should be able to reciprocate your own advances to an extent, and initiate himself, with repeated exposure.

There are two forms of Loveshyness, the first, and more common one lies on a spectrum that is common to pretty much all human beings. This is the fear of rejection. Most people have it, but loveshys have it to a debilitating degree.

The second form is similar to your man's and my own back in the day. This is the fear of RECIPROCATION. There can be many reasons for it, but the most common one comes down to the universal fear: that of the unknown. They don't know what to do, don't know what she's going to do, don't know how he's supposed to act, etc. Sometimes, it can even be completely irrational.

What is DSR?

Yes things went rather well untill It was clear that I was in for it.

The first stage of flirting, when it all was make believe in our respective heads went very very well, but the step to make it real, is like crossing the ocean.

Please explain more if you can.

Harlan - are you the same? Feels like it

Wow, you had a fear of your romantic feelings being reciprocated? I don't think I have that at all. Yes, when the time comes, reciprocation will certainly be novel and unusual but with open communication I think I'll be able to deal.

My romantic anxiety stems from my wiring making me believe that my sexuality is ugly and disgusting. I'm built to assume that nobody will ever want it. And yes, those are very irrational and stupid thoughts.

Of course you are awesome. I can feel it.

Ok so the next step for you is maybe to flirt
It's funny

I never have had a "date" or a girlfriend, a hand held in affection, endeared, desired......

Throughout my twenties and during college and grad school I would talk to women, express myself and the answer was always "no" or I was a "friend"

I figured as a younger man, "my time would come" and everyone is different...............but as my twenties ended, I started to get worried, jealous, angry, and this was all unresolved "hurts" by the ten tons of previous rejections. Did the guy thing of reading STUPID books by David DeAngelo, read "The Game" did dating sites, tried to do more......it was tiring, and I noticed the more I tried and FAILED in my thirties the more I started to drink and bump/rail harder than usual.

I still try to meet women, or chat them up now on a rare occasion, but when I don't get success I have to let it go. Cancel the profile on the dating site. Try again.........maybe in a few months. Maybe not.

It looks "foolish" and almost desperate for a man my age who has never been married, is a virgin, doesn't have children, never has had d/s/r to behaving like a guy who is twenty-one in the dating realms and world.

Pretty much I have to wait til she appears, or shows up in my life through church, through a friend (VERY doubtful, but yes, a chance). That kind of thing.

Is it LS? Is it incel? Is it something else? I don't know, but I do know I am not alone on this forum when it comes to this. I have some good friends (men and women) I have traveled, I have had quite a thrilling, fun life....but in this area I have FAILED. I just don't and never had "it"

I haven't come across the idea of reciprocation anxiety before. Not as a separate entity. Some anxiety is inevitable, because they might reject your reciprocation after all, but anxiety as significant as the initial hurdle seems strange.

the more ready you get the more real it becomes and the more real it becomes the more anxiety is produced... not all LS guys are the same and can
have a number of different reasons... from being afraid of sexuality to toxic shame about things like their own bodies or risking rejections etc... it isn't
the same as social anxiety because as long as it doesn't risk exposing those trigger points... they're okay

for example... a lot of LS guys have had women pretending to like them... fake asking them out... being bullied by girls/women etc... which makes them
doubtful and angry when approached again by a good woman... such triggers really destroy a lot of trust