If someone has been isolated for a long time, they don't have any friends. What effects would this have on a person? Where would this lead to?

Your opinions or experiences please?

become infatuated with the first girl to show you kindness?

(not that kindness comprises the entirety of the basis for attraction, just poking fun at my own pathetic-ness lol)

Yup I do that with guys. In the friend arena, my first inclination is to do them favors or buy them things. So it ends up being a situation where they leech off me. It's my own fault though because who wouldn't take stuff as long as I'm giving it willingly.

it'd be rude to turn down what you give. But in such a situation, i'd certainly try to return the favour, or question the situation if it began to seem a bit unhealthy.

Nope it's my fault. A "nice" guy treats me with something beyond disgust or indifference and I've planned out "our" next ten years together. my oneitis(a man I've never met, or spoken to aside from AIM) was comfortable enough to ask me to purchase a $700 software package for him. He did pay me back for it, but I realize it was kind of stupid to do that. As for "friends" I've gotten better as I've gotten older. I had one "friend" that never called unless she just broke up with someone(or if she was dating a new guy and needed to brag) and needed to go out to lunch(I ALWAYS pay). Right now I've inherited a few of my sisters "friends" that only invite me out when they need someone to drive. So I've pruned all those people away and I'm pretty much left with nothing friend-wise. I'm still bad though, there's a guy at work that owes me like $15, and I don't dare remind him about it It's not that I'm actively trying to "buy" friendship, it's like hey you're nice to me, let me do something nice for you. But the end result is the same. I'm honestly not do these things to get anything in return, but it's like when they start expecting it and abusing my good nature I retreat from them. It has to stem from my self-esteem issues, my friendship isn't good enough so I have to sweeten the deal with fabulous prizes

I can understand that. When someone reaches out to you, you want to reach back, show them gratitude and reciprocation.

You retreat inward. Your mind is your own world. You develop a reluctance to interact with people. You detach from society, and feel disconnected emotionally. If a girl shows interest in you, for another regular guy, it might mean they smile or do nothing about it. For a loveshy it's like winning the lottery. You're quiet, reserved, afraid to draw attention to yourself. You keep to yourself. You reflect constantly on the interactivity of the people around you. You feel shame at seeing other couples out in public. If you see a girl somewhere that looks like the sort of girl for you, and she walks by, a million scenarios run through your head but you don't do anything, and you grow wistful and sigh to yourself. All of this adds together, such that you don't feel like you fit in any more, which reinforces the desire to remain hidden, away. Safe. You stick to what keeps you comfortable, and feel less like taking risks. You have hesitation in engaging with reality, and in some ways, being the recluse is not necessarily through choice but a sort of cowardice in facing the world. Yet, still waiting for that one girl to 'save' you and galvanise your existence. But that hope dwindles almost into nothingness.

That's more or less a rough description of myself.

thank you for the reply. this was the kind of reply i was looking for. thank you for giving as much detail as possible.

what if a genuine girl wanted to be your friend, could fear/anxiety prevent you from having a friendship with her?

I convinced myself that I was not a person, that I didn't matter, people wanted me to fail. i tried to hide in all things. The thought of someone actually considering me a human being, much less a significant one, was a hard concept to grasp and one meet with much skepticism. And rightfully so. Most of the time introspection always brought one thing missing, a lack of respect, that made the relationship untenable. I found myself always wondering what somebody could really want, and considering that they were undependable in even the little things, that I was not actually important to them at all. I probably still operate under many of these premises. I probably undervalue people preemptively because I cannot fully understand why I would be of any value to them to begin with. Or even if for some reason I am convinced that I might, for reasons I cannot understand but tentatively accept, that I am, I am still painfully aware of that persons acquaintances taking up the cross against me and I know that when faced with the choice of worthless me or all that they enjoy otherwise, they will always choose the latter.

I guess that's at the heart of intimate relationships, the validation of your humanity. After all, people can't have relationships with inanimate objects, or even less conscious animals, so having one would be undeniable proof that you're above that.

I remember my high school life, when I saw everyone else as so much more complete, as if I lacked some unimaginable quality that all of them had. It felt like being Pinocchio and wanting to be a flesh and blood child. Having a girlfriend did "normalize" me, at least while it lasted. That's why I don't give much credit to the idea that we have to "grow" (as in, become fully formed persons [sic] like them) before we even think of having a partner, because it's a paradox, like asking what is the sound of one hand clapping. You can only be sure you're a person when you let another one know you inside and out and they still treat you like a human being afterwards.


I think I get the feeling. Hoping in the back of your mind that you, a single person, might mean more to someone than everything else combined, but also realizing how foolish that sounds. One thing I don't get is, what kind of circumstances would force people to make that choice?

It depends entirely on circumstances really. ;o If it so happened that I really liked the girl too, it might make it harder yes. Otherwise it might not be too bad. Again it depends. It's easier when it's 1 to 1. Not in a group. I actually haven't been in a situation where a girl tried to be my friend for a long time. It's usually circumstantial like because we just happen to work at the same place, etc. Everyone sort of becomes acquaintances by default. So it's difficult to say because of that.

This really helped me. Thank you for taking the time to explain your situation.

Thank you all for replying.

Being isolated has really helped me, I've not had to put up with constantly seeing couples everywhere, and to be getting constantly made fun of by my peers.

This

But the lives that we lead while in isolation act as a double-edged sword. Research suggests that there is an increased risk of mortality associated with social isolation in older men.



Source: http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/content/63/2/273.x

And having lived 6 months in isolation myself, I can tell you from experience that the feelings that I get from it now (and I mean right now at this very moment in time) are not good. The angst and resentment that I hold and harbor against humanity in general is even more toxic and disgusting than any man made poison anyone could even dream of putting in their system. It's like knowingly and willingly being exposed to massive amounts of radiation and expecting not to form some form of cancer. Will I end up dying of coronary heart disease? I don't know... and obviously, I won't know until things have run their course through and through. But I will tell you one thing; it sure as hell wouldn't surprise me. My heart is constantly hardened -- day in and day out -- by some of the thickest black sludge that disappoint and failure can possibly conjure up.