Sorry I didn't come on here sooner to check the replies. No, it wasn't the jailbait girl fro the martial arts club, that all went to hell and I got pretty miserable after that. But funnily enough, another girl (21 years of age) joined in November (about 5 months after I last saw the young girl), it was basically a miracle I think, because just as she joined, I had finished 5 months of pure hardcore training, this would involve using up all my holiday leave from work to book days off, so that I could go to the gym in the morning and train, come home, eat a salad, go to sleep for a couple of hours, then go back to the gym at night, and after I while I just found hapiness within myself seeing the improvement in my body and what my physical capabilities are (I'm quite fit now). This training went on for quite some time to the point where I didn't really care about anything else, in fact, I had a beard just like Stallone did in Rocky IV, when this girl joined and I realised I started to like her, I thought I better shave haha.

The thing is, I'm much more confident with myself now because I'm physically more capable, she used to be an athlete and I think she appreciates that I'm so into it which is a large part of why she likes me I assume, like when she sees me walking accross the room on my hands, she tries to imitate it. Prior to meeting her, I could have EASILY pulled some slut at a night club because I never felt shy around people like that, I just felt shy around girls that I really like, but this girl is perfect for me and she has made it really easy. I always thought, if I have a girlfriend, I wanted them to be exactly what I hoped for, and she is really, because all the things I've done with her so far, are what I've always dreamed of. E.g. last Saturday night we went to the cinema then I took her to this isolated place in a city which has a fountain and its all blue lighten up etc, and I asked her if she trusts me and told her to close her eyes, then I pretended to push her in the water but I grabbed her and then kissed her, drunken trash you meet in nightclubs don't do things like that, they just want cock, not love!

To the guy that gives me 3 weeks, I'll put a bet on that if you like, she REALLY likes me, I just can't see it happening. Before we realised we were an item, she was always buying me presents and things and I suppose not until a while did I realise what for. We always message each other, I've never told her I love her, but she has said "I miss you, I can't stop thinking about you, I think I'm in love", with words like that, I think it'll last more than 3 weeks. Plus, I still live in my parents house, she came over for food and met my mother (my mother is quite a nice woman), next time she came around she bought my mother flowers, I guess this would be to get my mother's approval or something. Seriously, if I thought she was the type of girl who would dump me in three weeks I woudln't have bothered, bear in mind, we were friends for about 2 months first, and we would sit in my car chatting from 10 p.m. until 5 a.m. (no exaggeration, I'm being serious).

To that angry guy who posted, sorry, but I did title the thread "success story", and no, I didn't "get laid", I said that we haven't had sex and I don't intend to either, I've explained this to her and she's ok with it, she thinks its weird that I'm a guy and that I don't want it, but she's ok with it.

Ok, time for any advice I can use to try and help. I don't know if I'm "cured" from love-shyness, because I be honest, I was bricking myself when I asked her if she considers me her boyfriend, she knows that I'm really shy like that, so she made it easy and asked if I wanted to text her the question even though we were in the same room and she was cuddled up to me. Anyway, maybe the advice I give could help with your overall getting "closer" to girls.

Definitely join some sort of club, sports club or any activity which has girls in it, but it must definitely something that you enjoy, don't join "art" club or some shit if you don't like it just because you think you'll meet a girl there (P.S., please note, I'm saying you will meet a girl if you join a club of some sort, mine was just pure luck, but at least you'll get more female interaction). Ok, what I would say, when you are in these type of places, start talking and chatting to girls that you DON'T fancy, just to get used to how they react and things to your sense of humour and the way you behave etc, if they give negative signals, don't behave that "way" again, if they act positively, you know what you've done is considered as "good" by a girl. Bear in mind, this is with girls that you DON'T fancy, you should have the balls to do this because its just like chatting to a guy, who gives a shit if they don't like you after it. When you can do this, try make friends with one/some of them, and try to make physical contact of SOME sort. For example, if they say they've been having a bad day, just pat them on the shoulder and tell them "it'll be ok" or some bollocks like that, at least you're getting into a stage where you can touch a girl without shitting yourself. This I would say was what was happening to me, but without me even realising it. You need this primary skill in order to EVER get anywhere with a girl you do like.

Ok, moving on...... if you do find you girl you like, this THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I CAN POSSIBLY TELL YOU. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM INSTANTLY, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I once read on this forum somewhere about a codition called "limerance" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence), after reading it, I realised, it was EXACTLY what I suffered from. If I liked a girl, I would put her on such a high position in my mind, that no other girl would matter and only this one girl would matter, I would become obsessed, this is a TERRIBLE mistake to make as I've found out so many times (and had my heart deystroyed because of it). You may think the entire earth of them, and at the SLIGHTEST positive sign of feedback you will think they love you (this is what limerance is). I will explain a situation where this happened to me, basically the young girl that I Really started to like over a year ago, I used to tickle her, and she used to laugh and tickle me back, I thought this was because she enjoyed tickling me, but she is just like that anyway, but my mind automatically assumed it was some sort of return to my love for her, DO NOT fall into this trap, please listen to what I say, this will totally **** you up. If you like a girl, don't let your heart start thinking about her all day and night long, because what will happen is, you'll fall in love with a girl who you aren't with, and thats what makes it nerve racking, talking to someone you're in love with. Just don't even think about them in that way, I know its difficult to do that, I'll try and explain what I was thinking. Basically, when I realised I liked this girl, I thought "ok, she's pretty" but then in my head I would think "damn, I'm a handsome guy, I could do way better than her". I know this sounds like i'm being cocky or bigheaded, but I purposely put this into my mind, that I am out of her league, so basically I woudln't give a SHIT if she liked me or not because I could do better anyway, this is how I managed to talk to her without getting so nervous. Oh yeah, one other thing that I just remembered NOW while typing this, anyone seen the film "Something About Mary"?, there's a part where the guy finds out the girl likes golfers and architects, so he goes to play golf where she is and makes out to be an architect. There is a reason he did this, because it WORKS as long as u don't take the piss out of it. The girl I have gotten together with is from Eastern Europe, so English is not her first language, and she has no family here. When I found out where she was from, I learnt a couple of phrases from the internet, and after training one day I said "so, where are you from originally" etc etc, then she told me and then I made out that I had a friend who taught me a few phrases of that language and repeated them to her, pretending like I Had to recall them from my memory from some time back. Its not like I completely took the piss and lied to her about something that really matters, but this DEFINITELY made her take a shine to me, and since then, I've told her that I did this, and she just laughed and actually found it impressive that I did this. Like I said, DON'T fall in love with someone, and learn everything about them, and "happen" to be into the same stuff that they're into and know all about it, like in the movie, but you can do SOMETHING like what I've done.

As I've mentioned before, I've fallen in love with people before, and when I've found out the truth, I've literally been heart broken, even though I do appreciate every moment I spend with my girlfriend, for me it is a learning experience more than anything, I'm living with the possibility, or maybe even probability that she isn't going to be the girl I end up with for life, so I'm currently making sure I don't fall TOO much in love if you get what I mean. I still train hard, in our club, I actually purposely train with other people, because I'm trying to get into the mind set that she's something good that has happened in my life, but she isn't the be all and end all, if it doesn't work out, I'm not going to cry, because I have other stuff to be getting on with, but the thing that does worry me a bit, is that I think she's totally falling in love with me and she may be a bit upset that I'm not giving her the same message. She did just text message me now as I'm typing, saying that she's feeling down because she won't see me tomorrow, I replied to her saying "don't feel down, its just one day, it'll be even better when we do see each other next time". If I start replying with soppy shit like "I know, I can't live a day without you", I'd probably start believing it, and **** that, I'm not deystroying my heart like what has been done before.

Well anyway, sorry for this long post, I just wanted to try and give my point of view to how to "make it" in this cruel world. If anyone has any questions or is curious about something, please ask.

Many thanks (the Heartbreak Kid *lol* )

This is a very important thread for the Love-shy person who is seriously looking to recover. The OP is going about his recovery perfectly. This is very familiar stuff, as similar events happened in my life when I went from fat to muscular. I went from not confident to confident, went from chicks hating the sight of me to some showing interest and flirting. Only difference is I snapped a long time ago, so I can't enjoy romance anymore, but others can still. Get in that gym, get the body going, get into an activity with chicks in it. They will come if you have the body and confidence that comes with the training/diet.

good

I tend to notice that love-shys who learn of the condition and actively seek help for it, typically show success in about under five years. More people who consider themselves "incel" end up being late bloomers. I think a lesson we can all learn is, continue to put forth that effort.

Didn't you only come across the term "recently"?

Who are these people?

Just look around on the forums and forums like these. The majority of people may just drop off, but every now and then a sizable amount come back to tell us they've worked it out.

Hi all,

I haven't been logged into this site for a very long time, I wanted to come here to bump up this thread though, the reason being I think the advice I give is very genuine and can be followed.

I was actually talking to a work colleague today who is a little like I was, shy around girls he really likes and I started telling him all of the stuff I typed above and he is completely on board and plans to take action, he's starting tomorrow to look into a new hobby or activity that he can take part in, he's been really thankful to me.

Just to update you on my own relationship, we're 2 and a half years in now and the relationship is still going perfectly fine. Also, since being in the relationship I've had an absolute massive boost in confidence boost, I still feel my old self sometimes, nervousness when around a pretty girl but I'm definitely not the same guy.

An example is the following, recently I had to attend a 3 day course for work, full of people from the same company that I'd never met. There were 16 of us in total, which included 1 absolutely beautiful girl. When I entered the room I noticed her checking me out (I'm being cocky, she really was, because I work hard at the gym, I diet well and I believe I look attractive to certain females now because I guess I have the confident "aura".) I went to sit at the back of the room and was prompty told I would need to find a seat that had a booklet already at the desk. Well, I don't know why, but she was sitting on a desk on her own, not a single guy sat next to her and my only guess for that was that they were intimidated being a bunch of I.T. geeks.

Well, being the guy I am now, even though I could see she was really pretty and I wouldn't normally do this, I tested my confidence and I thought **** it, I purposely chose to sit on the seat next to her even though there were others free that I could have gotten to easier. We got chatting and got along well. We had exams on the third day and were separated so I haven't seen her since. As it happens I emailed her after finding her on the company's directory and asked her what she thought of the exams.

Her first words in her email were "hi, it's lovely to hear from you". Not saying that she's definitely into me, but she definitely likes me so I'm gonna perhaps have a little playful flirt with her via email.

Sorry I blabbered on a bit there but my point is, read my above long post and follow it carefully.

But if you're in a nice long term relationship, why are you seeking a little playful flirt with this girl from work?

To show to us his confidence boost. Just don't become an asshole, yes?

This year I got my driver license and a new job that's pay way better. Also I have dancing class and swim, but no luck in DSR yet...
I still believe that improving yourself to increase your chances is the way to go. I'm thinking to going to a gym to increase these muscles.

Maybe i wasn't fully paying attention, where did you meet your current girlfriend? Do you have any more tips to get out there and make more contacts?

huh didn't see this before
imo flirting should only be done as an attempt to initiate something more serious. it's a breach in emotional intimacy to do it with someone else whilst in a relationship. if you dedicate yourself to a girl, only she should have access to that more sexually charged side.
/pathetic romantic notions

Hi guys, sorry I didn't reply sooner I forgot to come back here and check if anyone had responded.

Small Pink Blob, the reason I seeked to have a little playful flirt with this girl is basically to test my confidence. I met my girlfriend under not the usual circumstances I guess and we became friends before being a couple, I wanted to know if now that I am with someone, if I still have the shyness of my former self, which gladly I don't think I do. IWillWin was quite right in his statement, it was just to prove (to myself) that I had extra confidence.

Fondumen, I "kinda" agree with you but on the other hand like you say, it is a slightly pathetic romantic notions. No matter how much in love with a person you are, after a few years the excitement of the new found relationship wears off and you're just a couple of then, and there will always be that excitement with someone you else that you happen to bump into in this journey called life.

BELIEVE me when I tell you I am not an asshole and won't become one. If you read my first post in this thread, I stated that I chose to remain celibate until after I'm married and, two and a half years into a relationship with a beautiful sexy girl I have still stuck to that and have never come close to breaking my rule, so yeah I'm nearly 28 now and still a virgin through my own choice. It does frustrate my girlfriend but she understands my beliefs (it's my own personal belief, it's not down to religion or anything). If I won't even engage in sexual activities with my own girlfriend who loves me and wants me to, there is absolutely no-one who on this planet who could tempt my purified mind into having sex with them.

WUBUBUBUH, I met my girlfriend at the martial arts club at which I was an assistant coach. I do have quite a few tips on how to change your life with girls, it is mainly written at the long post that I wrote which is the first post on page 2 of this thread. Even though some people may think it, I did NOT come and create this thread to boast about having a girlfriend, what I came to do is offer advice because really was a STRONG love-shy, in fact I was suffering from a term called limerance which I only found out about from this site. Please have a read of my long post (again, top post on page 2 of this thread) and adhere to it. If you have any questions about it, if you doubt some parts or you do not understand some parts, please please tell me because I really want this post to help someone else. I invented the solution to fix my shitty problem and it worked and I want others to benefit as well......

How awful! What kind of sick and twisted relationship could result from a bond of friendship! There's just no way that could ever work. But don't worry, you're still young, you still have time to share intimate romantic signals with complete strangers. You know, do things the "normal" way. Because that makes so much more sense.


How can you expect to enjoy your "journey called life" in the long term if a part of you is still fixated on superficial things like excitement and confidence to approach? There's so much you could be looking forward to in your relationship, even after the initial high wears off.

Small Pink Blob, I don't know why but you aren't understanding what I'm trying to say, so I'll explain it more clearly for you.


Firstly, I explained to the other guy that I started my relationship off with my girlfriend as friends first (he asked how I met my girlfriend), this is just how it happened. Due to this and her being my first girlfriend, I didn't really get to experience the TYPICAL approach of meeting a girl. Basically, NORMAL guys, not love shies like us will generally make it clear to the girl first of all that they are attracted to the girl, they won't beat around the bush and be "good friends" first. I had to wait for HER to make the first move which is not the normal way it happens. BECAUSE of this I still feel slightly as if I'm lacking the experience of a normal confident guy who can talk to girls and make them realize instantly why I'm talking to them (because I'm attracted to them). If you consider me exchanging a few smiles and emails with a cute girl as an "intimate romantic signal" when I thoroughly suggest that you take whatever action you can to sort your love shyness out and get into the real world.

Secondly, I am enjoying life. Have you considered that not everyone remains with their first girlfriend/boyfriend that they ever were with? Should I treat this relationship as the be all and end all of all my life? What if it doesn't work out? Shall I go back and hide into my love-shy cacoon because I have no idea how to project myself as confident and appealing to a girl that I find attractive? Absolutely not, even though it would hurt terribly, I'm fully prepared for the fact that one day we might decide it's not working out, and I'm CERTAINLY not going back to being the way I was before, I want to make absolute certain I don't waste years of my life just staring at girls and wishing I could be with them, instead I'm going to go and talk to them and that is why I always will keep up my banter with good looking girls.

My girlfriend and I are doing well but we're not completely soppy and stuck at the hip and we both openly admit which members of the opposite sex we find appealing. If you think that real life relationships are like the fairly tales you read in romantic books and see in romantic movies then please please stop reading/watching them as it's going to taint your views on what actually is, and being as you're on a love shy board and from the things you say, I can only assume you never have been in a long term relationship right?

Don't get defensive, I do understand your motives, I just don't see them as valid. Also, you should be judging what I say, not making assumptions about my past or lack of it. I have a good understanding of how relationships typically work, but just because some things are considered normal doesn't mean they're good. Most of the time, relationships are far from ideal, yes, but that's no excuse to knowingly make things worse.

You know how actions have consequences? Whether your girlfriend knows about this or not, you've set the example that it's okay to flirt with others and have a backup plan in case things don't work out. You might think this is perfectly okay (most people do, as you know), but think about it: why would anyone want to invest effort and commit to a relationship if they have an easy escape route? You might as well do what a lot of "normal people" do and just jump from one lover to the other living off of the initial excitement, each time pretending you're starting with a clean slate... I'm not saying she's going to leave you (far from it, some girls actually like it when their man flirts with other girls) but I'll still look down upon your acts regardless of their outcome.

Anyway, if "a few smiles and emails" with this coworker mean nothing to you, fine, but then how are these things any proof that you can confidently express romantic interest? Either your flirtation with this girl was harmless, and thus doesn't prove much, or it was actually meaningful, in which case you've damaged the exclusivity of your relationship. Which one is it?

Either way, these things are romantic signals for a reason... If I pull the fire alarm in a building, there better be a fire, I shouldn't do it just to prove to myself that I can, or to train in case there's a real fire someday. Same here. Plus, why do it now that you have a girlfriend? I can see no need for it, and therefore no excuse. It's not like your coworker will hate you for acting friendly rather than flirtatious. And if you become single again, it's not like you'll die if it takes you a while to learn the ropes and get another girlfriend. Your long post in the previous page had plenty of good advice so it's not like you would have been completely in the dark.

The way I see it, it was a matter of vanity. And when people give in to a negative side of their personality, their most common reaction is not to correct it, but to seek validation. That's what you did (knowingly or not) by declaring here that you were going to flirt with your coworker even though you already had a perfectly okay romantic relationship, and then trying to frame it as part of your love-shy recovery and success story. And also hiding behind the "that's what normal people do" excuse rather than having a consistent rationale for your actions. That's a lot more annoying and misleading than just admitting that you simply gave in to vanity.