Holy Guacamole! I forgot I had an account here.

I has updates!

After going out with several people using this site, it is a hell of a mixed bag. The main hurdle to begin with is the first initial message. Sending something that actually shows that you read her profile helps distinguish you from the 30 something other guys that send "Hey! What's up?". For instance, if in her profile, she says she's a fan of sushi, say "My favourite sushi is xyz roll. What's yours?" Even though this seems fairly insignificant at first, if y'all hit it off (wait a while, talk for a few days), eventually, if your feeling courageous, say "You remember talking about sushi a few days ago, wanna go to the sushi place on Pearson Blvd. and grab a bite".

Most of the time, i sent out around 15 messages a day and some days I got responses, sometimes I didn't. Don't get discouraged about it! When you're talking to someone through a digital screen, in a way, it disconnects a part of your brain that says you're talking to a real person. It honestly took a while for this "disconnect" to happen. The first few times I chatted, I had to drink a couple beers and do some self face slaps to get my hands to stop shaking!

Due to the advent of the last few months, there has been "Great Success". I know Borat references are so 2009 but couldn't help it! I ended up going out with a girl on St. Paddys Day. I got a hotel room too. I wasn't necessarily planning for to happen, i purely wanted a place to crash because i'm not a fan of drunk driving 35+ miles back home when the roads are crawling with the fuzz. I went into it with zero expectations. When we first met eachother, there was lots of awkward silence and stammering by both parties (later on, she told me she has intense anxiety when meeting members of the opposite sex so she may be LS as well). As we started to drink, we both loosened up, talked, and found we had a lot in common. After a few hours, we both started getting tipsy. Then these crazy frat guys sat down in our booth out of nowhere and started buying us drinks. I got more drunk and pulled out my "Hulk Hogan" impression. After that, the frat guys left and she said "That was the best impression ever" and we started kissing. If you told me a few months back that my stupid impression would have get me laid, I would have called you a HUGE liar. After that, we literally staggered to my hotel room, got a thumbs up from a cop who thanked me for not driving tonight.

Due to my mentality of "never getting your hopes up", when we finally got to the room, I thought we were just going to sleep. Thankfully, she had other plans and "fireworks" happened. This turned into a relationship that went on for a few months before she got crazy and emotional, like cussing me out for literally no reason and I ended up the relationship. I shouldn't have waited as long as I did to end the relationship but due to turning into a bit of a sex fiend, I kept limping the relationship by due to awesome sex (looking back on this, i was wondering what the hell am I turning into).

Why am I posting here again, last night, I ended my 2 week dry spell. It's funny how that relationship changed me! I turned from an anxiety ridden mess to a fiend. For the first time, I actively approached people with confidence. Girls even approached me for once (even though the two times it happened, they were both in their mid/upper 30's and even though that's out of my age range, it sure put more fuel in my confidence tank). I did meet this new girl online however (i have yet to bridge getting a girls number going into a bar which was my initial goal, one step at a time I guess). Ironically, I broke her 2 year dry spell. We both had a big laugh after finding all this out. I was very surprised I did this due to not having liquid courage to help me out. Somehow I got everything to progress to a simple handholding to in the span of an hour.

In conclusion folks, i'm not saying my LS is dead and gone, it is still there. It's actually there in EVERYONE (probably even Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt who can get any girl in the world by snapping their fingers) in my opinion. It just manifests itself in a different way. If I went into a date without a healthy level of anxiety/anticipation, I wouldn't talk to someone, waiting a couple extra seconds until i'm sure my reply to a question was appropriate.

Have a great day folks!

I've tried these sites before without any luck but I can see from reading here that I've been making some mistakes. Perhaps I'll have to try again

ieatboogers, this is great advice, and I intend to try it. Thanks for taking the time to do this.

You're welcome. Good luck, and let us know how it works out, and feel free to suggest improvements based on your own experiences.

Over the last few months I have taken Ieatbooger's advice regarding sex sites, and I am not quite sure what to make of it.

I have posted what I thought were decent photos of myself, and to my initial surprise I am getting few e-mails from women who appear to be interested.

The problem is, most of the women who message me, are young, very young say aged between 24 -30, and are hot, some smoking hot, and I have enough common sense to know that "if something seems too good to be true, it's because it usually is". I strongly suspect these women are scammers, or fake messages sent by the owners of the site to stop men from cancelling their subscriptions.

It's quite possible. They could also be cam whores, prostitutes, or people conducting experiments. Detecting a fake profile or message relies a lot on intuition, as Seb said, but here are some guidelines about specific things to look for:

• Is the photograph a little too good, or appear professionally taken? The typical woman on a sex site isn't a model. You aren't likely to find 10/10's on there. Also, pay attention to the other details in the photograph, such as the lighting and background. They prove absolutely nothing, as even an amateur photo can be quite good, and a cam whore might not be a good photographer either. But if you spot a perfect photo, be alert.
• Does she claim to have a glamorous job? As above, you're likely to meet only ordinary people on a sex site. Models generally don't need to use sex sites. Your typical female sex site user is a workaday average Jane, and her reasons for using sex sites (as opposed to some other way of meeting people) could be anything from convenience to dislike of crowds and noise to family obligations to working unusual shifts or anything else.
• Does she live far away? If so, it's safe to assume a fake message, probably from a cam whore or even a fake system message as Seb described. Also, be alert for things in the profile that don't jibe with the location or with each other. If she lives in Omaha, she probably doesn't really enjoy walking by the ocean every Friday night.
• Do you have to "upgrade your membership" in order to read the message? Delete your account on that site and never look back. If you paid to use site, you have a reasonable expectation that it will do what you paid it to do, which is provide a place on the internet to meet women for sex. If you can't trust the site to do this honestly without pumping you for more, it's time to try a different site (and maybe file a complaint!) If you are a free member, you probably can't send first contact messages yourself (unless the site is 100% free) - but assuming you did pay for the full membership, it's still entirely reasonable to assume that if you couldn't read incoming messages for free, then women who are free members (read: most of them) probably can't do so, either.
• Is she under 25? People who pretend to be someone they are not have every reason to impersonate the most desirable demographic - the youngest adults. The typical demographic on sex sites among real profiles, both male and female, is middle age - over 35. Exceptions, both older and younger, do exist - but they are quite uncommon, for the same reasons as models discussed earlier: They don't need to join. Also, if you do find a 22-year old woman on a sex site that isn't a fake, the competition for one of her finite time slots will be the most ferocious.

None of these absolutely prove that a message or profile is fake, nor does their passing these tests exonerate them. But these should give you some guidelines to go on. After all, it will cost you nothing to send a noncommittal reply, and see what kind of response you get back, if any. But I think the strongest indication that something is amiss is that she sent you a first-contact message at all. When you consider that men outnumber women 6:1 to 8:1 on most sex sites - maybe even more - you can see why women are not likely to send out messages on their own: They will receive all the messages they can possibly handle and then some. If you want to get anywhere, you will have to step forward as well, and try to do something that sets you apart from the crowd in a positive way. Simply because of the sex ratios, any one message is likely to simply be ignored - but target enough women, and you should eventually find some who are interested. I met four women on the sex site in a few months, and this looks very beatable to me. Seb has two likely helpful traits that I did not have. I don't know if the advantage they confer is significant, but it is likely to be non-zero. One is that Seb is in the prime age demographic of sex site users, and I was not. Some of the women didn't mind, or maybe even preferred, having sex with someone 10 to 20 years younger than themselves, but others most likely disqualified me for it. The other is that Seb, after having spent the last couple of years in gyms, is now in better shape than I will ever be. But you still have to send that first message. Looks are secondary, Confidence is king.

Has anybody had any experience with Craigslist? Seems the personals section on there is teeming with people looking for NSA sex. Hard to tell whether these people are legitimate or not.

When it comes to those type of places I tend to think 'they are up to no good'.
just my two cents worth.

Yep and judging by recent experience, you would be right. Posted an ad and got a few replies, but some cursory googling confirmed they were all scammers. I did get two genuine replies, but they were from gay men, so I had edit my advert to state that I was exclusively interested in women!

It raises the interesting question though, can gay men be incel?

What if you don't have a car (never needed one)..

Hey all,

This is my first post here, and I'm not sure if anyone is expecting an introduction. So here it is: hi!

So I realize this thread is almost 4 years old, but ieatboogers, it looks like you're still active on here. I have some questions for you:

- You say that one should mention something other than sex in the first message. What if the only thing the woman talks about in her profile is sex?
- How soon do you mention sex? In the first message?
- Do you actually tell these women that you want to have sex with them, or is that assumed? Do you go into details of what you'd like to do them sexually? If so, at what point do you get into this kind of talk?
- I've noticed that some women have fairly conservative profiles and photos, and other women post actual photos of themselves performing sex acts. Do the answers to any of the above questions change if, for example, a woman has photos on her profile of her performing oral sex?
- Do you, at any point in your correspondence with these women, send naughty photos of yourself to them?

Thanks so much.

Welcome to the forum.

I suggest mentioning sex, but don't overdo it. Try to imagine yourself in the woman's place. What kind of message would you want to receive on a sex site? If you don't mention it at all, you may be perceived as too timid to ask for what you want, which won't help your chances. If you push too hard, you may be perceived as someone who will never leave her alone if you get a toe in the door, if not a potential rapist. That won't help your chances, either. Try to strike a balance, and try to include something other than sex in your message, even if it's only in passing. Also, try to avoid use of the word "fuck".

It's assumed that you want to have sex with them, it is a sex site after all, but it still doesn't hurt to mention it (see above). If you talk to them about what you want to do to them, I suggest you hold off until your second message - try to establish interest before taking this step. Don't make them uncomfortable by telling them too much on your first message. Be aware, though, that this piece of advice is based wholly on my perception of human nature and not on any actual experience or experiments. I only wanted to have plain-vanilla sex with them, so I never really had any reason to elaborate.

I found that the more conservative the picture and profile, the more likely I was to get a response. This stands to reason: the more explicit the picture, the more attention it will attract, and the less likely your message is to stand out among many others. The women posting those pictures are "wilder" than average, which, if I met one, would make me uncomfortable and them bored. Also, such profiles are more likely than the more conservative ones to be fakes (scammers, etc.) Fake profiles have to be designed to attract as many suckers as possible, and that's one of the easiest ways to do it. By contrast, the more conservative profile will draw a less extreme (but still high) number of messages, so I had a better chance of being noticed. Also, those usually somewhat older, more reserved women made better matches for me, as they generally wanted the same thing that I did, which was an evening of regular sex in peace and quiet. They also were more likely to be favorably impressed by my somewhat-conservative messaging style, improving my odds further. Anyways, to answer your question, I suggest minimal tweaking of messages in this case, and don't be surprised if your message is ignored.

I never sent, nor requested, any dirty pictures. I don't believe that either can do any good, at least not with my approach. Once you send that picture, you have no control over where it goes or who else sees it. Also, just playing the odds, a woman on a sex site has probably seen at least once a picture more impressive than anything you or I could send her. If she wants to see your junk, let her do it in real life. It works the other way, too. If you request dirty pictures, she may be concerned about where they will go and who will see them, and depending on her age, appearance, and other factors, she may think that you'll just use them to jerk off and not follow through with actual sex, or even that you might be turned off by them. So, stick to actual sex.

Good luck!

Google image search works wonders on sex sites and dating sites. If a woman messages you and she looks like a model, then do an image search.

I did one once with someone who said she was in London, and it turns out after a google image search, she lives in Russia and has a husband and a baby daughter. So I told her to go and crawl back under the stone she came from, cause I'm too smart for scammers.

After having used online dating sites for a number of years on and off, I can spot a scammer a mile off If you think someone is trying to scam you or suspect a scammer, feel free to PM me on here and explain why and I'll tell you if they are or not

It's pretty easy to catch scammers. If they're too good looking, be suspicious. If they're too complementary, or sexually forward, be suspicious. If they want something from you, be suspicious. Or if, generally, they sound like an automated bot, messaging and/or responding in a vague way, usernames that sound kinda like a stripper's nickname etc lol.
I would have said, if they have very bad grammar, be suspicious, but about 90% of the girls on dating sites round here can barely string a coherent sentence together, so I think it's fairly normal depending on your location.

Yes true. Also don't forget that most, if not all scammers, want to take you off site into email immediately and also profess their 'love' for you in a matter of messages.

Some of them sound like bots because some cannot speak English and use online translators to have a conversation with you.