Fonduman wrote:
Most people assume approach anxiety is equivalent to rejection anxiety, that it's an ego/esteem thing.
From what I've seen, however, LS is different where it's more a fear of being socially inappropriate.
The mindset of the LS male goes a bit like "I have to respect girls and not be some disgusting lewd pervert who hits on girls." then "but how do I get a girl without hitting on them and seeming like some disgusting weirdo?".
So it's less about being turned down, and more about how society creates a "creepy uncle" stereotype for males that make unwanted advances, and we don't want to be seen as that guy. "toxic shame" arises from this unhealthy association of expressing sexuality as something shameful. Though it's not even an irrational unhealthy association; society is quite clear about how it views undesirable males who dare to be sexual. If anything, we're reacting how they want us to, by being shamed into our corners.
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That used to be me in my teenage years, but as an adult I finally got the courage to ask out girls, after being rejected 100 times (By rejected I mean soft rejections where a girl tells me she is not single, but some really hard rejections where a girl insults me for no reason) I turned into LN (Love Numb) where am for all intents and purposes, a psychopath with very little positive emotions who has been so burnt out and humiliated by society that they have very little sympathy for anyone.
Asking girls out now becomes a statistics problem...if I ask a girl out once a day I may eventually win. As long as I can control my rage, hurt and humiliation when they say no and maintain my composure and don't go to jail.
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If someone accepts you for who you really are, after you've formed a bond based on trust and honesty, then I think you'll be able to justify your use of prostitutes, to someone who sees beyond your shy self. All I can say, after nigh on two decades of commercial sex, is that before you can open yourself to love you need to find how to accept and love yourself. That's a hard journey. And you probably need an understanding and sympathetic therapist.
I told my therapist I had a crush on her, she rejected me as I was crying and sobbing in the room. I told her I only wanted to not be so alone and she didn't even care. Now whenever I go to the mental health clinic she gives me hateful dirty looks of disgust. But I make sure my looks at her are even more hateful. Any hate she can do to me I can outdo tenfold.