cerebral_barrier wrote:
Indeed it does. She's not the first to do this and she won't be the last. Every so often one truly turns out to be a little different than the rest. Only she knows if she's legit or not, so let's give her a chance and see what happens.
I tried to fit into the mold and I really do think I'd be much happier if I did. Those shrieking packs of girls always look like they're having so much fun.
I do think there are girls out there that I can get along great with and I just haven't found them yet. Not being tied down by college will free me up to seek them out.
cerebral_barrier wrote:
Like I said; This behavior is not on purpose but has become expected in modern society. As a woman taking an egalitarian approach to DSR, one of your biggest obstacles will be men who are convinced that they must "buy" your love in order for you to take them seriously.
Personally, I view the whole concept of modern DSR as nothing more than legalized prostitution. It's an empty experience for me either way since, when I pay for a woman it makes me feel like; to her, I'm only as good as the size of my bank account. Like-wise; I feel like I have no choice but to be grouped in with your aforementioned "nice guys", since I'm literally buying her attention.
I get what you're saying. I was honestly surprised at just how much those two guys I mentioned insisted on being the ones to pay. I had my card out but they were having none of it.
There was this video I saw on YouTube where a model spent the day out doing certain tasks (I believe she went to the gym and tried to get people to sign a petition or something). Then a movie makeup team transformed the model into an overweight and unattractive woman and she went out the next day doing the same tasks. She was treated worse. It took longer for a male trainer to come help her at the gym and much less people gave her the time of day for the petition.
It goes to show something we already instinctively know is true: pretty women are treated very well by other people. It made me wonder how much of her treatment while she retained her model looks were due to the fact that she was pretty and how much was due to her obesity while she was transformed. I wish they had done a third day while she was just average looking. It would have been interesting to see if her treatment leaned closer in similarity towards her model or obese self or if it's directly in the middle.
Pretty women are surrounded by men willing to "buy" them or do nice things for them. And unfortunately for the men that are not picked, there's often nothing deterring her from choosing the highest bidder. I honestly can't think of a single guy in college that wasn't nice to me except one that acted like a nice guy until he turned out to be a lazy asshole who left me to do all of the work for our group project. There was one guy who bragged about himself endlessly, hit on every pretty girl he saw, and liked to physically touch them. I don't like being touched by strangers and it always put me off when he did it to me but I wouldn't say he wasn't "nice" otherwise. And no, I did not make a big deal about the touching. I knew he knew there were limits and it just seemed desperate to me, not an indication that he was dangerous.
The divorce rate is high and there are so many people out there stuck in unhappy or abusive relationships. I only strive to avoid as much of that nonsense as possible. The way I see to do that is not picking a partner based on money or looks and find someone I truly connect with. I want to get to know the real man, not the facade they put up to try to impress me. A guy can't keep that act up forever and I wouldn't want them to anyway.
cerebral_barrier wrote:
I misspoke. Sex isn't the only motivation but it is always a factor when we deal with women. As such, we invariably have a much easier time relating to other men. I think one of the reason women like male friends is because we tend to be more straight forward and much less self-entitled. If you are one of the few women who honestly enjoys "male-centric" hobbies/interests, then I'd suggest putting up a dating profile on POF or OKC. You'll have no shortage of guys trying to get your attention. Just try not to judge all men on there by the idiots who don't know how to act (dick pics, lewd messages, etc).
Also, congratulations on your studies.
Thank you, cerebral_barrier, I'm glad it's finally over!
I doubt I'm all that rare... at least I hope I'm not because I haven't given up on finding female friends with the same interests.
I befriend guys who I think could be more than friends but once I get to know them better and find that they're not my type, it sucks to have to let them know after. I don't like it and I'm not sure it's the best way. But I don't see myself going on "dates" with random strangers. With me being loveshy it's much easier for me to get to know them on a friendly basis first. I would love to know your opinion on this. Sometimes I feel like I'm "leading men on" only to disappoint them which is something I don't want to do. If I go on dates with strangers and find that they're not my type, I would have to do it even more (with the men I befriend, I at least know we get along well first).
That's why I'm not sure online dating is right for me. I would have to decide whether or not I like the guy based on his profile pic, description of himself, and online messages where he's trying to make an impression on me. Then we would go on a date with all the awkwardness that that involves. I think telling a good friend who I'm already comfortable being around, "hey, I love you, let's go out" much less stressful.
cerebral_barrier wrote:
I have my doubts on whether you intentionally do these things but it's the internet; I'll neither believe nor disbelieve you on this one.
You're right. I don't think about it much. That's because really, anyone is date material to me unless I find their appearance really not to my liking or they're too old or too young. Once I find out that a guy is taken though, I do relax much more since I don't have to worry about them being attracted to me (at least I like to think the guys I know aren't douchebags who would cheat on their gfs). If I don't know them that well, I can't really tell if I'm attracted to them until I'm friends with them and we hang out more. I think there's a word for people who can't be sexually attracted to people they don't know but I don't remember it.
cerebral_barrier wrote:
If you're serious, I can't fault you for this statement. Most women are spoiled into thinking that things must always go their way. It's not surprising to see a woman with a different set of interests be put off by this. I went through the same thing with my ex. After we broke up, I realized that she'd shot down nearly all of the things I wanted to do while I agreed to nearly everything she wanted to do; often at the cost of intense personal stress. In the end, the sex was one of the only things that kept me around. I felt like shit, the instant I realized that but you know what they say; the truth hurts.
Yes! Whenever I would try to do something I wanted to do with my girlfriends they tried to be interested at first but they were obviously bored / weirded out. I can't blame them too much because I wasn't enjoying myself throughout many of their interests either. But at least I watched / read / suffered through the entirety of their activities (with the exception of one adolescent romance movie which was so boring I was ready to jump out the window). I still haven't managed to get a girlfriend to actually not walk out on one of my "hey you might like it" suggestions so I don't suggest things anymore unless it's one of those rare things I know we both are into. I don't want to force anyone to sit though something they don't like and I don't want to force myself either anymore. It's just unpleasant for everyone involved. But sometimes you really like something and you want to share it with your friends so it's sad when it turns out they hate it.
If you don't mind me asking, why were you even going out with this woman if you didn't have any shared interests? How did you meet?