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PostPosted: 24 Mar 2018, 18:54 
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silvereagle wrote:
All these posters above hit the nail on the head. So much that is said by everyone resonates with my own life experience, and I speak of course as a late fortysomething virgin.

Every age is tough when LS, every decade, each in its own way. Going without even a kiss from a girl in my teens, was frustrating in the extreme, but I always thought I was mere weeks away, months away, from some female affection. Ha ha ha. Still never been kissed, and I am 2 years from 50. Twenties were unbearable, since the sex drive is so strong, and you are expected to be hooking up with girls. Turning 30, as a virgin, is psychologically devastating. Hence my lame suicide attempt at that age. Thirties as an LS are very bleak, the neuroses start to multiply, your behavior, if you are not superwatchful, can become very strange, all sorts of emotional problems, and as is pointed out above by one poster, you can and do get physically ill (because you cannot separate the mind from the body). A normal social life, even just hanging out with friends and family, becomes impossible or fraught with pitfalls because the dead pterodactyl that is your lifelong incel is hanging around your neck and its stench permeates every seemingly innocent social event and circumstance.

You develop a very black sense of humor, which is necessary but not enough to stop you from sinking into a world of painful oblivion. In your forties, you become as Pink Floyd put it, comfortably numb. Then again it's actually an uncomfortable numbness. You start to freak out how the years have flown by like a raging torrent, and people young enough to be your children are themselves men and women!! having relationships, getting married and all the rest. You start to worry about the risk of going full-bore insane because the emotional problems aggregate, the memories of a desert life sear even more than in one's thirties. Of course all around you young people with everything to live for get wiped out in car accidents, get cancer, there are murders and freak accidents. However incel just plods on, in his bubble of misery and loneliness. And he knows that if he is sitting in a restaurant or mall and a mad gunman storms the place, and sprays everybody with machine gun fire, young families will die, young lovers and children, but incel will emerge as the lone survivor, without a scratch. Because when you have nothing to live for, you will emerge unscathed from fire, earthquakes, revolution. Empires rise and fall, but incel like the cockroach, scurries along. One hopes for a heart attack, before old age, because old age is tough enough, even if you have not wasted your life. But if your life has been an empty desert, without love and affection, without the touch of a woman, you hope and pray for a quick death, before 60 please God.

This is not just self-pity, I have a very real fear of madness. My mind is already slipping into a very dark abyss. There is no happy ending here. Thank God for death whenever it comes. Death my only friend.


In my 30's, I began to develop major depression and an affliction called tinnitus (ringing in the ears). I saw more doctors and specialists than I can remember, but no cause of the noise in my head was ever found. I was suicidal because I couldn't sleep or enjoy anything. I'm not saying my virginity was the culprit, but the stress and anxiety I had felt up to that point was certainly a contributing factor. Being a virgin at 35 (and not being able to even touch a woman) took its toll on me in many ways. Getting on antidepressants helped, but it didn't change my situation with women.

The tinnitus is pretty much under control, and the Lexapro helps with the depression, but my desire for women continues. At 57, I'm still thinking like an 18-y.o. because in a way, I still am 18 mentally and emotionally. I'm that teenager who is still waiting for his first time. I actually have a crush on a girl who can't be any more than 25 that works at a local grocery store. I'm probably older than her father! That's a sick, predatory concept. Of course, I would NEVER hit on her or even flirt (I'd probably be arrested). There are also women closer to my age who I fantasize about. But it's all the same.

I still go to the gym, I have gainful employment, and I seemed to be liked by most people. But women just don't see me as anything more than a nice guy who occasionally makes them laugh.

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Light cannot exist without darkness. Each has its purpose.
And if there's a purpose to my darkness, maybe it's to bring some balance to the world.
- Dexter Morgan

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Sisyphus all my life.

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PostPosted: 24 Mar 2018, 21:23 
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I would say if you pass your early 20s and you have not racked up any significant DSR experience, then catching up later becomes extremely difficult, and exercise in masochism even.

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"The flesh, spreads further and further, like a gangrene upon the surface of the globe. It cannot impose limits upon itself, it takes defeats for conquests, it has never learned anything."
"Mourning ceremonies should be held not at a person's death, but at their birth."
Cioran

"Let us be silent.... words and thoughts are distractions. Feel this moment for as long as it will last. Feel life as it is, with the crude matter stripped away. The anger, the greed, the desperation; this is life."


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PostPosted: 25 Mar 2018, 08:36 
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alone99 wrote:
At 57, I'm still thinking like an 18-y.o. because in a way, I still am 18 mentally and emotionally. I'm that teenager who is still waiting for his first time. I actually have a crush on a girl who can't be any more than 25 that works at a local grocery store. I'm probably older than her father! That's a sick, predatory concept. Of course, I would NEVER hit on her or even flirt (I'd probably be arrested). There are also women closer to my age who I fantasize about. But it's all the same.


Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I'm still thinking like a 14 year old, never mind an 18 year old, because in terms of emotional development, that's where I'm at! My first and last kiss (which doesn't really count, just a peck on the lips at a spin-the-bottle game or two, in 1982!!) was when I was 12. I hadn't even started puberty, my voice hadn't even broken back then. Now my hair is gone and my beard is gray. My nephew is 14, that's the son of my younger sister. I feel I am at his level of emotional maturity when it comes to the female sex, and I am. Next year he will be more emotionally mature than me, if he gets anywhere with a girl (I hope so, but he is very much a beta male, I really hope and pray things work out differently for him).

I develop crushes on women young enough to be my daughter all the time. I have a thing for my neighbor's girlfriend, who is gorgeous, she is 23. Of course even if such women are single, I don't stand a chance. I want to hook up with fortysomething women, but hard to meet such women, who are single. And I have to get over my psychological neuroses before I even try there, and I have to somehow fool such women into thinking that I am actually semi-normal, rather than completely loco, which I really am at this point in time. I think, if I had young women when I was a young man, I wouldn't hunger for them so much now. I hunger for them now more than I did when I was twenty, and at twenty I was a walking erection. I just thought I would get girls easily enough back then, and so in a weird way took for granted what I never even had!


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PostPosted: 28 Mar 2018, 08:09 
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I will always be a teenager even in my 30s i feel like one and that trait simply does not excite women who wan´t to settle (and since i am in my 30s thats what people expect). The lack of experience someday will cause severe damage (constant rejection and moving from place to place leaving one oneitis after another someday will take its tole). I might be old but in reality i am still a teenager at heart.


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PostPosted: 13 Apr 2018, 01:18 
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It depends on how you look at it. On the one hand, the older you get, the longer you already have been lonenly and alone. But on the other hand, the older you get, the lesser time remains you still have to spend being love-shy. So as for me personally, although at age 38 I still feel very sad about not being able to find a girlfriend, I'm not as desperate anymore though as I was twenty years ago. Just another 50 or 60 more years or so to go at the most, and my suffering will end. I take comfort in that.


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