I wouldn't say I'm 'cured', but at least for the moment I'm not technically love-shy.

By this I mean:
I have a girlfriend.
I am no longer a virgin.

To put it simply, using a dating site prevented me from being insta-'friended' before a relationship could form. When you contact someone via a dating site, they know you're interested, so either something develops or it doesn't; there's no middle ground.

Word of advice: If it doesn't work out between you and a girl from a dating site, don't agree/suggest that you remain friends. Just pack up and move on. It's not worth the effort to remain friends because chances are you'll still be hoping for something while they're just being polite and putting up with you.

My girlfriend's great though. She's not at all what I expected from a dating site, if you know what I mean. She's cute, smart, and fun to be around, which is all I'm really looking for.

So yeah, I took her out on a few dates, went to her place for dinner one night, we started making out, and one thing led to another. The thing I need to work on now, which is something I never anticipated in my wildest dreams, is controlling my orgasms. And by that I don't mean that I'm a premature ejaculator; quite the opposite. In fact, my first time, I couldn't cum at all, and we were at it for 2+ hours. It seems like my limit is one orgasm per day, yet I can have sex for hours on end (and enjoy it) without orgasming. too self-conscious I suppose.

But I'm fairly confident that once this relationship ends (whenever that may be), that I'll be back to my old love-shy ways.

This is good to hear, but what's this about being back to your old loveshy ways if it ends, you can just do it again. Hell, it'll probably be easier the second time around.
Just out of interest, how old are you ? Im 42

great news, congrats !

I was always doubtfull about those dating sites, but maybe this really is the ticket to getting experiences at least, maybe even a great girl like apparently you got.

Ussually when I seek girls on those pages they look cute, but they look so...childish, I dunno...and I dont find idea of putting my picture on there appealing, (ussually you almost have to post at least one picture of yourself there or chances are greatlly reduced).Its not that i would be ashamed of myself, but i really wouldnt like to display myself there,...but I guess some sort of sacrifice has to be made, so maybe its time to try out that kind of dating...

Always very happy to hear success stories, gives hope to others;)
If this relationship end (when it ends) you may become more passive and shy again, but you will have a bigger "portfolio", be more experienced in every way so the process of seducing will be at least a little easier, less stresfull for you.

Enjoy!

Congratulations! This is great news.

Would you mind recommending us the dating site you used? I never used a dating site, and have no experience... Should I list my problems on the dating site?

As for the problem you mention I don't see that as a problem, the longer it takes the better isn't it?

I'm really fixated on one type of person, how is it better, should I try to date as many girls as possible and lower my standards until I find the one I like or should I search until I find her and try my luck? I'm not sure if the type I like prefers a virgin or non-virgin...

Another thing is it normal to have an erection when you talk to a woman? I always used to back away and was very embarrassed about it. I still don't know.

Another question is, my social anxiety makes my head/hands tremble/sweat should I try to keep looking a woman in the eyes, or should I try to dissimulate? Normally I rub my hands and look another way when I talk to people...

loveshcom:

I'm 23. What I meant is that initiating relationships won't be much easier for me, since dating sites do all of the introductory work for you.

nyarlathothep:

I tried two sites: eHarmony and Match.com. I didn't want to mention either when I first posted because I didn't want it to sound like a plug for a dating site.

I started out with eHarmony. It does a great job of matching you based on personality, etc. I met and went on dates w/ 2 girls thanks to that site. One I had nothing in common with; the other I had practically everything in common with. I thought we'd hit it off, she didn't; she wanted to be friends, I made a second attempt (and failed) and then said "bye" for good.

The good thing about eHarmony is that its matching is personality-based, which means anyone you're matched with, you'll be able to get along with at the very least. The bad thing about eHarmony (and the reason I left it) is: because the matching is so selective, you hardly get any matches at all. I had on average one match per month presented to me (who didn't immediately go inactive). However, when I first joined, I received a handful of inquiries that I 'ignored' (free account = no communication, didn't pay for service until later) and these matches were subsequently closed.

Match.com is the polar opposite. Matching is based 80% on looks and your preferences in superficial lifestyle/appearance. There are, however, hundreds of 'matches' readily available to you, or more if you're less selective. Or you can just input your info and 'reverse match' which is to look for those who want someone like you. The bad thing about match.com is that you have to do a lot of weeding through people you're not at all interested in.

I signed up for the pay-for-6-months-and-if-you-don't-find-someone-get-6-more-free deal, which requires you to send X e-mails out per month, and the girl I'm now dating was one of the people I e-mailed. Once you're a member, youre able to block profiles from searches, otherwise you get the same people appearing over and over, which is really annoying.

So yeah, one month in - 5 wasted.

If you decide to go with eHarmony, go for a short plan, communicate with everyone you can ASAP, and get the Hell out of Dodge. It's too expensive to stick around if you're only getting one viable match per month (I signed up for a buy-1-get-2-free deal). You could take the same approach with Match.com, but Match.com is definitely cheaper.

As far as it taking me so long to orgasm, she says she has a great time with it. I just wish I had more control over it.

Based on what you said, if you want to distinguish between virgins and non-virgins, eHarmony's the only way you'll accomplish that. If you're stuck on appearances, I suggest match.com

I've gotta say, the two girls I met through eHarmony were good practice for when I met my girlfriend on match.com. not that I did anything with those two, just practice talking with females. So going on more dates than necessary isn't a bad thing.

As far as an erection when you talk to a woman, I think talking to more women will help you get over that. Some may actually see it as a compliment, but I wouldn't go around flaunting it either. =P

I think that if you continue to look a woman in the eyes, that will probably be your best bet. If you look away, she'll definitely notice.

didn't mean for this post to get so long =P

Thanks for the answer.
Hopefully I will make some progress soon.

congratulations, Andras!!!

I hope I can achieve the same success you have some day!!!!

Keep up the good work!

GREG

You may want to try http://www.okcupid.com/ they are free. Even though I am married, I joined up to see what types of girls I would draw. Seems like I have a lot in common with bisexual girls.

Take care,
Clifford

F*** e-harmony! I tried joining that awhile back and went through 30 minutes of their personality profile questions, only to get this message:



Guess I am too unique.

I have tried many other dating sites in the past. For awhile they were an awesome resource for nerds and shy men to meet women, because the majority of mundanes had not started using them yet. Thus I was a catch. Since then, of course, the mundanes have swarmed them, and I passed the big 3-0. They are pretty much a wasteland for me now... unless I want to watch dirty webcam videos or fall for rushian scam / spam.

> Since then, of course, the mundanes have swarmed them, and I passed the big 3-0.

In one of your earlier posts, you mentioned that things only go downhill after 30. I am not sure I know why you say this. Are you saying that it is harder to meet women in their early 20's? Or is it harder to meet people our own age, after 30? If it is the latter, are you having the same experience with single moms, and somewhat overweight women? I read that women's sex drive peaks in their early 30's. A lot of your competition is already "taken" or are after younger women. I would expect it to be easier to date after 30!

Although I admit I am mostly attracted to younger women, there have been some exceptional older women that I was attracted to. If they have taken care of themselves in their youth, many women can continue to look good into their late 30's and 40's.

So their age isn't so much the barrier, as is the other two things you mentioned: overweight and/or single moms. I don't have anything personal against overweight people, but to put it bluntly, I just don't find fat women sexually attractive. Some guys do, more power to them. If they had a decent personality, I could probably even have a relationship with one as long as it didn't involve sex... but how many women are going to go for that? And it would never go anywhere, so what would be the point?

And then there is the kids thing... I posted about that elsewhere too. If you're just looking for a girl to bone, sure... go for the MILFs. If you want a serious relationship, however... forget about it, unless you want to raise some other guy(s)' kid(s). And the kid(s) father(s) will likely always be a part of her life in some way. Even if that isn't the case, the kid(s) will always come first and you will always be second banana.

So, yeah if I lowered my standards (a lot) I could probably find women to date even in this shithole town I live in. But it would be the most hollow of victories, because I would feel more like a piece of shit than I do being single and loveshy. I may die alone, but I will never ever settle.

My brother kept nagging to me to try this site. I did the friggin survey and got the same result. I'm that special 20%. My brother tell me that I'm being too negative that I should have lied a bit to get a better match. I'm too honest and I only lie over little shit and even then it's a half-truth.

One its a Christian site so lying shouldn't be necessary

two, I don't think a dating site is the way to go, it just reinforces our introverted attitude.

True that! I still believe (somehow) in the good old face to face approach, even though it definitely requires courage in nuclear fusion reactor proportions to even dare approach in the first place. I was attempting to work through myspace/facebook and that friend zones me too quickly.