Soulmate theory

From Love-shy.com wiki: A wiki for the dating-challenged

The soulmate theory or "they were meant for each other" posits that two people who are highly compatible with one another will encounter few obstacles towards forming and sustaining a relationship. All problems plaguing less compatible people, like lack of interest, rejection at the slightest hint of imperfection, and an unwillingness to compromise on schedules or lifestyles evaporate when two people are highly compatible with one another. Put simply, issues that are minor only become disqualifying factors when one or both people are uninterested in one another.

This has critical implications for love-shys, in that the issues they commonly suffer, such as social anxiety, subpar physical appearance, and self-isolation, would be far less problematic for women who are truly interested in them. A love-shy man would find such a woman far more welcoming and forgiving, perhaps alleviating many of the issues he suffers from.

Unfortunately, due to the issues mentioned, love-shys rarely come across women who are highly compatible with them. Also, as love-shys are not very, if at all, social, their chance of meeting a compatible woman through social groups is constrained.

Another aspect of the soulmate theory is the platitude "there is someone for everyone," which is easily discredited by statistics, but should not be discouraging in and of itself.

Counterargument

The soulmate theory has critics from all schools of thought. Most love-shys and incels reject the more mystical explanations of the theory, and are still sharply critical of probabilistic explanations. As they often find themselves having different interests and viewpoints than most average people, automatically excluding them from a large percentage of the dating pool, simplistic "soulmate" arguments appear implausible to them. Logistical factors are also a major roadblock; if a compatible partner does not cross paths with one's social circle, the two individuals will never meet.

Ultimately, a person who finds himself love-shy or incel with little or no relationship experience will need to perform a large amount of searching before even discovering women who are remotely compatible. This is an especially daunting task for some love-shys who lack energy due their mentally stressful issues. See love-shyness and energy.

Looksists and personalitists have their own counterarguments. Looksists claim that "soulmates" are people who simply find one another physically attractive and happen to get along. Personalitists claim that men with an outgoing personality are much more likely to find soulmates, both due to more contact and a more attractive personality. Examples abound for both claims.