There are a wide variety of resources available to the love-shy individual, online and otherwise. Several books have been written addressing the topic, and this site as a whole can be seen as a resource given its devotion to the topic and helping those suffering from it. In this growing resource section, we at aim to provide a comprehensive list of sites, links, and aids to the love-shy.

Books Other websites


The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley

Talmer Shockley, a forum member, took it upon himself to write The Love-Shy Survival Guide in 2009 as a self-help book for love-shys. Shockley follows Dr. Gilmartin description and explanation of love-shyness, except to classify love-shyness as a phobia. The book suggests treating this serious phobia, not with drugs, but by slowly exposing the love-shy to what induces the anxiety. The book also suggests certain changes in one's life to make one more conducive to dating. He devotes a chapter to female love-shys and also discusses the relationship between love-shyness and Aspergers Syndrome and other disabilities. The book offers no easy solution to love-shyness, but it is the only book in print to mention love-shyness and involuntary celibacy.

The book is in print and available at Talmer also maintains a web site, The love-shy project, which provides information about the book and various Love-shyness related issues. [top]

Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment, by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin

Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin is a professor of psychology who laid the academic groundwork for a scientific study of love-shyness in the seminal book Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment. He coined the term and is solely responsible for its intellectual framework, but many people relate very well to a lot of his points even if they don't "fit the mold" he has set in a perfect way. The book was written in 1987, so some elements may seem anachronistic, but others hold truer than ever.

The book went out of print and faded into obscurity; however, in the early 2000s, it was painstakingly scanned and pieced together electronically by a member of the loveshy_drgilmartin Yahoo! forums and since has been available in full form for download from the site. The book is in PDF format, which requires a PDF viewer like the freely available Adobe Acrobat Reader or Foxit Reader.

Download Dr. Gilmartin's Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment (4.44 MB PDF file)

Unfortunately, the book lacks scientific rigor in some areas and diverges into pseudoscientific speculation regarding topics like astrology. It would be best to not take such sections seriously, but realize the core message of what is said, especially in the first few chapters. Overall the book hits the nail on the head more than it misses in areas that are most important for love-shys.

In letter communication in 2004, Dr. Gilmartin explains the developments that have occurred since 1987 and how they affect love-shyness:

Since 1987, there have been many very important developments regarding the genetic, biochemical and neuromorphological underpinnings of severe shyness. Accordingly, there have also been many important developments in the area of psycho- pharmacological remedies. This is the only major area in which my Shyness and Love book greatly needs to be updated and revised.

A Another area of some importance not covered by my book is the re- discovery by American psychologists of the work of Hans Asperger. In 1944, Austrian physician and professor Hans Asperger discovered a condition that has come to be known as Asperger's Syndrome. Six out of every seven victims of it are male; and-it can be viewed as another name for "high functioning autism". Many of us now believe that as many as 40 percent of the cases of severely love-shy men would qualify for a diagnosis of "Asperger's Syndrome".

For some reason, German, Austrian, and Swiss scholars pretty much neglected and ignored Asperger's work until it was picked up by a British scholar in 1961. For some 30 years a great deal of work was done on it in the U.K. And in the early 1990s, these efforts finally came to the attention of American psychologists and psychiatrists. And work here in the U.S.A. on Asperger's Syndrome has been very active and very productive since circa 1990.

In the end, a truly scientific, comprehensive study of love-shyness and involuntary celibacy is sorely needed. [top]


Love-shyness Wikipedia article

Love-shyness has a Wikipedia article. It is reasonably decent as a synopsis of love-shyness and may provide helpful information, but realize it is vulnerable to several issues that have plagued Wikipedia since its onset. For one, there are several egoistic editors who do not believe love-shyness as a phenomenon is significant enough to be mentioned in Wikipedia; these people have been trying to get the article removed, without much success so far. Also, troll edits that remove significant information and add misinformation to the page can go unchecked for some time. It is good that the wikipedia article is there to help "spread the word" but do realize it can go down at any moment due to various problems inherent in Wikipedia's culture. [top]

The incelsite

The incelsite provides a very good run-down and intro on Involuntary Celibacy, a problem that describes dateless people and in many ways overlaps love-shyness. It also has a very good section of links that can be helpful for dealing with love-shy and involuntary celibacy-related issues. [top]

loveshy_drgilmartin yahoo group

The loveshy_drgilmartin yahoo group is a long-running message board dedicated to love-shyness, similar to this site's forum, but with a slower pace. Useful information abounds, so joining is well worth the effort (and required to view the messages).


Have a question? Want help with Love-shyness? Want to introduce yourself to a whole community of understanding love-shy members? Then create an account on the forums!

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